My core temperature has been lowered to absolute zero.

Don't worry, I'm 0K.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IncompotentCyborg
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the core of a Manta Ray?

The Manticore

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderAlex2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
"It shook me to my very core!"

-an apple after going on an earthquake simulator.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mozzatits
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My physio said I need to strengthen my core.

So I took up belly dancing

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/firstcruiser
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
The cores of my CPU always fight to excel each other.

I've a duel core processor.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What language do people speak in the core of the world?

Korean.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/swiftestcat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a yeti with a strong core?

An abdominal snowman!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayesr
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2015
🚨︎ report
As an Android user, I finally gave in and bought my first Apple device. I have to say I'm impressed, even if it only has a single-core processor

Pic of my new device here - http://i.imgur.com/UwQ8ZUE.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/borick
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad asked me if I wanted to go to the gym, said I needed to work on my core

Me: I'll ab-stain, thanks.

Dad: groan Oh, that one was abdominal.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/teuast
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2016
🚨︎ report
For Intelligent, Down-to-Earth People.

If we got rid of the Earth's core, it would be dismantling to our infrastructure.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoelCZVC
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.

It was a cider attack.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PHATstuFF21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I only do ab workouts in a hallway

because it’s a core-idor!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic

He was a subdued sub dude.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
How did women in the 16th century stay fit?

They worked their core-set

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/swaghettigod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?

iWood

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/derpy_ninetales
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Who is Sam?

And why has he sung?

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAvacadoBandit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person having sex with an undercooked egg?

Soft core porn

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mutoniumortalis
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Apple as a company does a lot of good things

but at their core they are seedy as hell.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
The best way to get dad joked:

I know it's been done before, and many a dad before me and many a dad after me will get to experience this, but in these dark times this was a ray of light that pierced me right to the core with joy.

I came home, and my bright and bubbly ballerina 6 year old runs up and says can I have a hug!?

She asks very tentatively because she knows I have been out all day and the routine is for me to grab a shower (COVID) before I let them get all over me.

So I say, not yet I'm dirty.

She says awww... then she turns to walk away, but then spins back around and looks at me dead in the eye and says:

Hi! um...

wait a sec,

um, I know um,

um, wait.... dir...

[Face beams the biggest smile of accomplishment]

Hi Dirty! I'm [daughter]!

I know we have those proud moments when they turn, but man her delivery, the awkwardness, and the sheer pride she beamed out when she realized she just pulled the reverse dad joke on me...

It's not the getting reverse dad'd, it's the joy and pride she ha

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leyline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A good Star Wars joke.

What’s the core temperature of a tauntaun? β€œLukewarm”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FiremanNDVFD
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughters was doing poetry homework and she asked me what rhymes with poor?

I said β€œwar, ore, door”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/man-hat-tan
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend thought I chucked a freshly eaten apple at his face.

He was core-wrecked.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What language do they speak at the center of the earth

Core-ean

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JAEAerbest
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I collected a lot of data trying to disprove observation bias.

It was exactly what I expected.

πŸ‘︎ 993
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2018
🚨︎ report
When the teacher asked where the apple's seeds are located, little Johnny said "the center."

She said, "that's almost core-rect."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
So I forgot to pay my exorcist...

I got repossessed.

πŸ‘︎ 735
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jackvishs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Some gneiss geology puns
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hobowhite
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm in love with a piece of fruit

It is the apple of my eye

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hdeifh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I bake apple pies for a living. I recently bought an apple corer, but I quit using it...

...because it was boring.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gasoline_Dion
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriends's dadjoke on computer specs completely blindsided us last night.

"I wonder if quad core or duo core matters much..."

"Well, Apple's have a single core, and they run fine."

*Cue groaning

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cofenn
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2015
🚨︎ report
What does a science teacher say when he wants in on the drama.

Spill the thesis

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_HolyGuacamole_0
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know in which language was the movie "Journey to the center of the Earth" released first??

Core-on

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phs_uw
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
How do epileptics make the most of life?

Seize the day!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Ran out of cat food, so the kitties got tuna

Now they’re spoiled to the alba-core.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/asswype_poptart
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My son kept taking the stuffing out of his animals

I guess he’s into soft core.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked my son's friends in an online game. Nobody laughed.

Last night I was playing an online game with some of my son's friends, and one randomly texted on the in-game chat: "I just ate an apple. RAW!"

I wrote back, "That's hard core!"

Nobody laughed. At least, that I saw. :(

Edit: Holy moly, it gets mediocre response two days ago when it's posted, then it blows up over the weekend. Thanks for all the upvotes, folks! Love all the other terrible jokes & puns on here!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/akambe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Corn site

I've been getting into cornography lately! Do y'all know of any good corn sites? I'm a big fan of hard core schucking, but I like the occasional slow stuff.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigboi_blue
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
🚨︎ report
[request] I need the worst puns ever

all of my friends hate puns to the core, but i love them so so much and i like to annoy them with the really really bad ones, so give me your best reddit and make me proud :D

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xfatalcurex
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2017
🚨︎ report
xkcd 1378 is a dadjoke

http://xkcd.com/1378/

πŸ‘︎ 170
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πŸ‘€︎ u/searingsky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2014
🚨︎ report
What language do they speak at the center of the earth?

Core-ean

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zombiemonkey04
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What language do they speak at the center of the earth

Core-ean

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zucc_the_lizard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
🚨︎ report
What language do they speak at the center of the earth?

Core-ean

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aw10365
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report

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