My girlfriend was sad, so I asked her who my favorite singer is and then placed my head on her chest

I told her Michael Boob-lay

She wasn’t as sad anymore (or much sadder since she realized how dumb the person she’s dating is). Happy new year everybody

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drumdude92
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a drunk dude riding in a boat on the chests of four women with average bust size, one of whom had a single mastectomy.

He was sailing on the seven C’s

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/serialcompliment
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw an insect that was trying to jump on a fat guy's chest again and again.

I think it's preying man tits.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
If you give a pirate a fat booty and a full chest, what does he have?

An Arrrrgasm

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PuntasTeec
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
If you give a pirate a fat booty and a full chest, what does he have?

An Arrrgasm!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PuntasTeec
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.

I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a new shirt today that has the word LIFE printed across the chest

Tomorrow, I’m going to wear it and stand on the corner at an intersection where panhandlers usually are. My plan is to hand out lemons to stopped drivers. When life gives you lemons ...

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/forko23
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
An ancient Egyptian queen with an especially flat chest was recently discovered.

Nevertiti.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I tuck my knees up into my chest and lean forward.

That's just how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yankee9Niner
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Sometimes i tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.

Thats just how i roll

πŸ‘︎ 112
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shamudawhale51
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
If my name was Travis, I would get a tee shirt and put my name across the chest.

It would be a travesty.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BoobslikeJagger
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.

I’m nervous she won’t be able to pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 532
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Pirates of yore would get a treasure chest off a looted vessel and often hear voices coming from the chest saying "yoo hoo!"

It was the booty calls.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I touch my knees to my chest and lean forward,

That’s just how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 295
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jackdaking746
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday, I was digging in the garden when I found a buried treasure chest!

I ran inside to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in the garden...

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KittenWarlord87
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I was talking to a girl that had alot on her chest...

... she said it was good to talk abou tit

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ismailizhere
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a T-Rex with a bomb strapped to it's chest?

Dinomite

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Watching John Wick 2 the other night. While Keanu and Common are fighting while both holding the knife the tables turn and Keanu flips the knife around and thrusts it into Commons chest...again while both holding the grip. To which I turn to to my family and say

At least the both have something "in" common.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoiSINNEDsoul73
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
We took Grandpa sledging the other day and he caught a terrible cold. Grandma put goosefat all over his chest.

He went downhill pretty quick after that.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DemonMango
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.

This place is back wards.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
DAD: [grabs chest] Quick! Call me an ambulance.

ME: [hesitantly] You're... an ambulance?

DAD: I'm- I'm so proud of you, son [...dies]

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins.

I was about to run inside and tell my wife about it, and then I remembered why I was digging in our garden

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My sister always gets mad whenever I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward

I’m sorry but that’s how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/darraghq16
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a boomer with a bomb strapped to his chest?

A boomer.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Sometime I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward

But that's just how I roll

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I really need to get this off my chest...

takes shirt off

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jack_capp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins and was about to run straight home to tell my wife

Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uglyric
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a man collapse on the pavement and clutch his chest. He begged me to call him a doctor.

So I said: "You're a doctor."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yokelwombat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a footage a person stabbing someone in the chest with a hot knife

It was really heartwarming

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aslah_Faizi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I like to sit holding my knees to my chest.

It’s how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/loonmaster2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
How did I get into computer software? I was very confused about what to do in university, so I asked my dad... He was wearing a Nike tshirt, and he answered me by pointing at his chest, where this was written: Just do IT.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My best friend wanted to vent to me about his inability to perform a proper bench press in the gym... I told him to get it off his chest.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Pirates found a trove of treasure and brought four chests aboard...

They put them in the hold and, as it was fair weather, didn't strap them down.

However, as they sailed on, they hit a storm, the ship knocked back and forth.

The captain went down to check on the treasure to find it sliding around the deck.

As a crewman asked how bad it was, the captain replied...

"Booty! Booty! Booty! Booty! Rocking everywhere!"

[This is probably my worst joke yet]

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A walking treasure chest full of gold grabs a random man and hands him over to a polite redditor. Redditor says:

Thank you for the stranger kind gold

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hanu_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend was running her fingers through my chest hair and says...

"I love that you are hairy".

I said, "I'm Ken who the heck is Harry?"

She hit me, she actually hit me for that.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ReverendKen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2016
🚨︎ report
With trembling hands, my doctor looked up from my x-ray and stammered, "This is exactly what I was afraid of." Gripping my chest, I rasped, "What?"

Eyes wide, he whispered, "Skeletons!"

πŸ‘︎ 378
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Chest nuts
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Baybonski
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
If you see a pretty woman and your hands start to shake, you become weak in the knees, and you develop a warm feeling in your chest...

Go to bed. You've got the flu.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.

That's just how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uhavethebiggay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward

That’s how I roll

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lvrcerosis
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife claims that she can remove my chest hair without any pain at all.

I don’t think she will be able to pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife claims she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.

I’m worried she won’t be able to pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward

That’s just how I roll

πŸ‘︎ 99
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Master-Salamander
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without any pain at all.

I’m nervous she won’t be able to pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 117
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward

That’s just how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amiur
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I touch my knees to my chest and lean forward.

That’s just how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/swirley-wirley
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report

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