My girlfriend was sad, so I asked her who my favorite singer is and then placed my head on her chest
I told her Michael Boob-lay
She wasnβt as sad anymore (or much sadder since she realized how dumb the person sheβs dating is). Happy new year everybody
π︎ 29
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
I saw a drunk dude riding in a boat on the chests of four women with average bust size, one of whom had a single mastectomy.
He was sailing on the seven Cβs
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 09 2020
I saw an insect that was trying to jump on a fat guy's chest again and again.
I think it's preying man tits.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 02 2020
If you give a pirate a fat booty and a full chest, what does he have?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 24 2020
If you give a pirate a fat booty and a full chest, what does he have?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I donβt think sheβll be able to pull it off.
π︎ 36
π
︎ Aug 20 2020
I bought a new shirt today that has the word LIFE printed across the chest
Tomorrow, Iβm going to wear it and stand on the corner at an intersection where panhandlers usually are. My plan is to hand out lemons to stopped drivers. When life gives you lemons ...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 22 2020
An ancient Egyptian queen with an especially flat chest was recently discovered.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 12 2020
Sometimes I tuck my knees up into my chest and lean forward.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Sep 09 2020
Sometimes i tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.
π︎ 112
π
︎ Jul 08 2020
If my name was Travis, I would get a tee shirt and put my name across the chest.
π︎ 56
π
︎ Jun 11 2020
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
Iβm nervous she wonβt be able to pull it off.
π︎ 532
π
︎ Mar 13 2020
Pirates of yore would get a treasure chest off a looted vessel and often hear voices coming from the chest saying "yoo hoo!"
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 30 2020
Sometimes I touch my knees to my chest and lean forward,
Thatβs just how I roll.
π︎ 295
π
︎ Apr 14 2020
Yesterday, I was digging in the garden when I found a buried treasure chest!
I ran inside to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in the garden...
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jun 05 2020
I was talking to a girl that had alot on her chest...
... she said it was good to talk abou tit
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 23 2020
What do you call a T-Rex with a bomb strapped to it's chest?
π︎ 26
π
︎ May 14 2020
Watching John Wick 2 the other night. While Keanu and Common are fighting while both holding the knife the tables turn and Keanu flips the knife around and thrusts it into Commons chest...again while both holding the grip. To which I turn to to my family and say
At least the both have something "in" common.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 06 2020
We took Grandpa sledging the other day and he caught a terrible cold. Grandma put goosefat all over his chest.
He went downhill pretty quick after that.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Apr 27 2020
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 17 2020
DAD: [grabs chest] Quick! Call me an ambulance.
ME: [hesitantly] You're... an ambulance?
DAD: I'm- I'm so proud of you, son [...dies]
π︎ 72
π
︎ Jan 22 2020
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins.
I was about to run inside and tell my wife about it, and then I remembered why I was digging in our garden
π︎ 17
π
︎ Feb 27 2020
My sister always gets mad whenever I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward
Iβm sorry but thatβs how I roll.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 29 2020
What do you call a boomer with a bomb strapped to his chest?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 24 2019
Sometime I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward
But that's just how I roll
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 24 2020
I really need to get this off my chest...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 16 2020
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins and was about to run straight home to tell my wife
Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Aug 20 2019
I saw a man collapse on the pavement and clutch his chest. He begged me to call him a doctor.
So I said: "You're a doctor."
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 27 2019
I saw a footage a person stabbing someone in the chest with a hot knife
It was really heartwarming
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 11 2019
Sometimes I like to sit holding my knees to my chest.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 12 2019
How did I get into computer software? I was very confused about what to do in university, so I asked my dad... He was wearing a Nike tshirt, and he answered me by pointing at his chest, where this was written: Just do IT.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 13 2019
My best friend wanted to vent to me about his inability to perform a proper bench press in the gym... I told him to get it off his chest.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 13 2019
Pirates found a trove of treasure and brought four chests aboard...
They put them in the hold and, as it was fair weather, didn't strap them down.
However, as they sailed on, they hit a storm, the ship knocked back and forth.
The captain went down to check on the treasure to find it sliding around the deck.
As a crewman asked how bad it was, the captain replied...
"Booty! Booty! Booty! Booty! Rocking everywhere!"
[This is probably my worst joke yet]
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 02 2019
A walking treasure chest full of gold grabs a random man and hands him over to a polite redditor. Redditor says:
Thank you for the stranger kind gold
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 28 2019
My girlfriend was running her fingers through my chest hair and says...
"I love that you are hairy".
I said, "I'm Ken who the heck is Harry?"
She hit me, she actually hit me for that.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jan 19 2016
With trembling hands, my doctor looked up from my x-ray and stammered, "This is exactly what I was afraid of." Gripping my chest, I rasped, "What?"
Eyes wide, he whispered, "Skeletons!"
π︎ 378
π
︎ Mar 03 2018
Chest nuts
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 24 2018
If you see a pretty woman and your hands start to shake, you become weak in the knees, and you develop a warm feeling in your chest...
Go to bed. You've got the flu.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 27 2019
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Sep 23 2020
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward
π︎ 15
π
︎ Aug 23 2020
My wife claims that she can remove my chest hair without any pain at all.
I donβt think she will be able to pull it off.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Jul 27 2020
My wife claims she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
Iβm worried she wonβt be able to pull it off.
π︎ 45
π
︎ Jun 12 2020
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward
π︎ 99
π
︎ Feb 02 2020
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without any pain at all.
Iβm nervous she wonβt be able to pull it off.
π︎ 117
π
︎ Nov 14 2019
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward
Thatβs just how I roll.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 05 2019
Sometimes I touch my knees to my chest and lean forward.
Thatβs just how I roll.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jul 05 2019
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