I was talking to a girl that had alot on her chest...

... she said it was good to talk abou tit

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ismailizhere
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
What do you call a T-Rex with a bomb strapped to it's chest?

Dinomite

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I touch my knees to my chest and lean forward,

That’s just how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 291
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jackdaking746
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.

I’m nervous she won’t be able to pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 527
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
We took Grandpa sledging the other day and he caught a terrible cold. Grandma put goosefat all over his chest.

He went downhill pretty quick after that.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DemonMango
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.

This place is back wards.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
My sister always gets mad whenever I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward

I’m sorry but that’s how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darraghq16
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward

That’s just how I roll

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Master-Salamander
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins.

I was about to run inside and tell my wife about it, and then I remembered why I was digging in our garden

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
🚨︎ report
DAD: [grabs chest] Quick! Call me an ambulance.

ME: [hesitantly] You're... an ambulance?

DAD: I'm- I'm so proud of you, son [...dies]

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
Sometime I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward

But that's just how I roll

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
I really need to get this off my chest...

takes shirt off

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jack_capp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
What do you call a boomer with a bomb strapped to his chest?

A boomer.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a man collapse on the pavement and clutch his chest. He begged me to call him a doctor.

So I said: "You're a doctor."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yokelwombat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
The other day I was lifting weights on the bench press, when I dropped the weight and it fell on my chest. The nurse said I broke three ribs but I would live. That was a relief.

Hearing that lifted a weight off my chest.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Riyaz-Akhmed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a footage a person stabbing someone in the chest with a hot knife

It was really heartwarming

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aslah_Faizi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins and was about to run straight home to tell my wife

Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uglyric
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Why doesn't Thor keep his hammer by his chest?

Because that's where his thorax is.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XiaoFhang2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I like to sit holding my knees to my chest.

It’s how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loonmaster2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A walking treasure chest full of gold grabs a random man and hands him over to a polite redditor. Redditor says:

Thank you for the stranger kind gold

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hanu_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Pirates found a trove of treasure and brought four chests aboard...

They put them in the hold and, as it was fair weather, didn't strap them down.

However, as they sailed on, they hit a storm, the ship knocked back and forth.

The captain went down to check on the treasure to find it sliding around the deck.

As a crewman asked how bad it was, the captain replied...

"Booty! Booty! Booty! Booty! Rocking everywhere!"

[This is probably my worst joke yet]

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
How did I get into computer software? I was very confused about what to do in university, so I asked my dad... He was wearing a Nike tshirt, and he answered me by pointing at his chest, where this was written: Just do IT.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My best friend wanted to vent to me about his inability to perform a proper bench press in the gym... I told him to get it off his chest.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
If you see a pretty woman and your hands start to shake, you become weak in the knees, and you develop a warm feeling in your chest...

Go to bed. You've got the flu.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I told my wife I had a lot of things I needed to get off my chest,

So I asked her for help clearing the junk

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Muggz_s
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I like to tuck my knees into my chest..

But that’s just how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackthreadpress
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.

It was booby trapped.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tim4life
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Tuck in my chin, pull my knees to my chest and lean forward.

That's how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/haymalb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
🚨︎ report
"You need to stop doing chest workouts, it looks like you have boobs," said my wife.

"That makes one of us then," I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Chest nuts
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Baybonski
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I like to tuck my knees to my chest, and lean forward.

That’s just how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jebnasty
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Every garbage day, my dad points at the bin, pokes me on the chest and yells,..

β€œYou wanna take this outside?”

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
🚨︎ report
With trembling hands, my doctor looked up from my x-ray and stammered, "This is exactly what I was afraid of." Gripping my chest, I rasped, "What?"

Eyes wide, he whispered, "Skeletons!"

πŸ‘︎ 375
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2018
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend was running her fingers through my chest hair and says...

"I love that you are hairy".

I said, "I'm Ken who the heck is Harry?"

She hit me, she actually hit me for that.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReverendKen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2016
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward

That's just how I roll

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oisin790
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
You know what happens when you get electorates in the chest?

Your arms get hertz.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Doctor, I haven’t told anyone this yet but I’m having some intense chest pains

Whew, glad I got that off my chest.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fat-bandit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
🚨︎ report
How do surgeons do chest operations without breaking the rib cage?

They use the key.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdonkey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I’ve always wanted to get this off my chest.

Chest hair is so damn annoying

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajb9
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Doctor doctor, when I press on my arm it hurts, when I press on my leg it hurts even when I press on my chest it hurts.

Ah, the doctor said, I see you’ve got a broken finger

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/b8410
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I had to get this off my chest... imgur.com/Yd7ODOm
πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Der_Baba
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2014
🚨︎ report
I was lying on the floor today, repeatedly lifting a 12-pack of Coke up and down off my chest...

...and all I could think was, "This is soda-pressing."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dcbluestar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I keep my clothes in a chest that is always open

Why, you might ask? Because I can't closet.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirScrapthrall
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
🚨︎ report
A mother is opening the mail at home one night. She began adamantly reminding him they were out of baby powder as she’s tearing into their bank statement. When she sees it, she marches to the father sitting in his chair and says β€œWhat is this $730.88 spent at the Treasure Chest, Donny?!”

All he said was β€œI don’t know what you’re talcum β€˜bout.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mathis730
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Old man at Subway explained to me why mermaids wear sea shells on their chest

I was in line at Subway and this older man was in front of me. He looked back and said, "Do you know why mermaids wear sea shells on their chests? Because "B" shells are too small and "D" shells are too big."

I gave him a chuckle and a "That's a good one".

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jualbers
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2017
🚨︎ report
The Ice Chest

First post in puns. Said this awesome thing, wanted to share. We were in Chemistry class, a notoriously freezing room.

I said "man, it feels like your ice chest in here!"

She said "my ice chest?"

I said "yeah, you have a nice chest!"

And she looked at me like I just said a terrible pun. In reality the pun was awesome.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OuterPace
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2014
🚨︎ report
I had a pimple on my chest..

I popped it.... I don't know why I felt the need to tell you about it, but I had to get that off my chest.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CasualChris
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2016
🚨︎ report
My dad was having some chest pain.

We were walking through Walmart and my dad said his chest hurt.

Me: Do you have acute angina?

Dad: Don't talk about your naughty woman parts!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/glynnf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2016
🚨︎ report
Lazing in bed and wife suddenly pushes on my chest like she's trying to resuscitate me while making a "hrrn" noise each time.

Me: Whoah, what gives?

Her: I have a pressing matter to discuss.

πŸ‘︎ 113
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2014
🚨︎ report
I hug my knees to my chest and lean forward.

That's how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fluffyxsama
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2014
🚨︎ report
So I have a ton of red itchy bumps on my face and chest, I can't decide what I should do, can somebody help me out.....

I don't wanna make any rash decisions....

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PineappleTrees21
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2015
🚨︎ report
Opened up my chest of dad jokes yesterday and let out a nice pair.

I was drinking with some friends when we were talking to one of them about his type of women. I asked him "tits or ass" and he said something like "I have to go with ass, although I have nothing against tits." So naturally I said "Oh well I generally prefer to be against tits actually." Ha

Later I was chilling with my girlfriend when the way we were cuddled together reminded me, so I told her that story. She groaned and said something about guys are always focused on one thing while girls like her were more well-rounded individuals. I couldn't help but respond by grabbing a boob and saying "Yes, you are well rounded!"

Hope she realizes what a great father I could be.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tremaparagon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2014
🚨︎ report
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without any pain at all.

I’m nervous she won’t be able to pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 123
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward

That’s just how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amiur
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I touch my knees to my chest and lean forward.

That’s just how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/swirley-wirley
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.

That’s just how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/going_placidly
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/corn_n_potatoes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward...

That's just how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/St_Berry
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward

That's just how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I tuck my knees against my chest and lean forward

That's just how I roll

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DemigodRob
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
🚨︎ report

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