I was talking to a girl that had alot on her chest...
... she said it was good to talk abou tit
What do you call a T-Rex with a bomb strapped to it's chest?
Sometimes I touch my knees to my chest and lean forward,
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I’m nervous she won’t be able to pull it off.
We took Grandpa sledging the other day and he caught a terrible cold. Grandma put goosefat all over his chest.
He went downhill pretty quick after that.
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
My sister always gets mad whenever I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward
I’m sorry but that’s how I roll.
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins.
I was about to run inside and tell my wife about it, and then I remembered why I was digging in our garden
DAD: [grabs chest] Quick! Call me an ambulance.
ME: [hesitantly] You're... an ambulance?
DAD: I'm- I'm so proud of you, son [...dies]
Sometime I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward
But that's just how I roll
I really need to get this off my chest...
What do you call a boomer with a bomb strapped to his chest?
I saw a man collapse on the pavement and clutch his chest. He begged me to call him a doctor.
So I said: "You're a doctor."
The other day I was lifting weights on the bench press, when I dropped the weight and it fell on my chest. The nurse said I broke three ribs but I would live. That was a relief.
Hearing that lifted a weight off my chest.
I saw a footage a person stabbing someone in the chest with a hot knife
It was really heartwarming
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins and was about to run straight home to tell my wife
Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.
Why doesn't Thor keep his hammer by his chest?
Because that's where his thorax is.
Sometimes I like to sit holding my knees to my chest.
A walking treasure chest full of gold grabs a random man and hands him over to a polite redditor. Redditor says:
Thank you for the stranger kind gold
Pirates found a trove of treasure and brought four chests aboard...
They put them in the hold and, as it was fair weather, didn't strap them down.
However, as they sailed on, they hit a storm, the ship knocked back and forth.
The captain went down to check on the treasure to find it sliding around the deck.
As a crewman asked how bad it was, the captain replied...
"Booty! Booty! Booty! Booty! Rocking everywhere!"
[This is probably my worst joke yet]
How did I get into computer software? I was very confused about what to do in university, so I asked my dad... He was wearing a Nike tshirt, and he answered me by pointing at his chest, where this was written: Just do IT.
My best friend wanted to vent to me about his inability to perform a proper bench press in the gym... I told him to get it off his chest.
If you see a pretty woman and your hands start to shake, you become weak in the knees, and you develop a warm feeling in your chest...
Go to bed. You've got the flu.
I told my wife I had a lot of things I needed to get off my chest,
So I asked her for help clearing the junk
Sometimes I like to tuck my knees into my chest..
But that’s just how I roll.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
Tuck in my chin, pull my knees to my chest and lean forward.
"You need to stop doing chest workouts, it looks like you have boobs," said my wife.
"That makes one of us then," I replied.
Sometimes I like to tuck my knees to my chest, and lean forward.
Every garbage day, my dad points at the bin, pokes me on the chest and yells,..
“You wanna take this outside?”
With trembling hands, my doctor looked up from my x-ray and stammered, "This is exactly what I was afraid of." Gripping my chest, I rasped, "What?"
Eyes wide, he whispered, "Skeletons!"
My girlfriend was running her fingers through my chest hair and says...
"I love that you are hairy".
I said, "I'm Ken who the heck is Harry?"
She hit me, she actually hit me for that.
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward
You know what happens when you get electorates in the chest?
Doctor, I haven’t told anyone this yet but I’m having some intense chest pains
Whew, glad I got that off my chest.
How do surgeons do chest operations without breaking the rib cage?
I’ve always wanted to get this off my chest.
Chest hair is so damn annoying
Doctor doctor, when I press on my arm it hurts, when I press on my leg it hurts even when I press on my chest it hurts.
Ah, the doctor said, I see you’ve got a broken finger
I was lying on the floor today, repeatedly lifting a 12-pack of Coke up and down off my chest...
...and all I could think was, "This is soda-pressing."
I keep my clothes in a chest that is always open
Why, you might ask?
Because I can't closet.
A mother is opening the mail at home one night. She began adamantly reminding him they were out of baby powder as she’s tearing into their bank statement. When she sees it, she marches to the father sitting in his chair and says “What is this $730.88 spent at the Treasure Chest, Donny?!”
All he said was “I don’t know what you’re talcum ‘bout.”
Old man at Subway explained to me why mermaids wear sea shells on their chest
I was in line at Subway and this older man was in front of me. He looked back and said, "Do you know why mermaids wear sea shells on their chests? Because "B" shells are too small and "D" shells are too big."
I gave him a chuckle and a "That's a good one".
The Ice Chest
First post in puns. Said this awesome thing, wanted to share.
We were in Chemistry class, a notoriously freezing room.
I said "man, it feels like your ice chest in here!"
She said "my ice chest?"
I said "yeah, you have a nice chest!"
And she looked at me like I just said a terrible pun.
In reality the pun was awesome.
I had a pimple on my chest..
I popped it.... I don't know why I felt the need to tell you about it, but I had to get that off my chest.
My dad was having some chest pain.
We were walking through Walmart and my dad said his chest hurt.
Me: Do you have acute angina?
Dad: Don't talk about your naughty woman parts!
Lazing in bed and wife suddenly pushes on my chest like she's trying to resuscitate me while making a "hrrn" noise each time.
Me: Whoah, what gives?
Her: I have a pressing matter to discuss.
I hug my knees to my chest and lean forward.
So I have a ton of red itchy bumps on my face and chest, I can't decide what I should do, can somebody help me out.....
I don't wanna make any rash decisions....
Opened up my chest of dad jokes yesterday and let out a nice pair.
I was drinking with some friends when we were talking to one of them about his type of women. I asked him "tits or ass" and he said something like "I have to go with ass, although I have nothing against tits." So naturally I said "Oh well I generally prefer to be against tits actually." Ha
Later I was chilling with my girlfriend when the way we were cuddled together reminded me, so I told her that story. She groaned and said something about guys are always focused on one thing while girls like her were more well-rounded individuals. I couldn't help but respond by grabbing a boob and saying "Yes, you are well rounded!"
Hope she realizes what a great father I could be.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without any pain at all.
I’m nervous she won’t be able to pull it off.
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward
Sometimes I touch my knees to my chest and lean forward.
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward...
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward
Sometimes I tuck my knees against my chest and lean forward
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