Last time I chnecked neck puns weren't a thing. Neckst time I hear a neck pun I will wrneck you with my bioneckology.
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LIN88xxx
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because its head is so far from its body.

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rednarb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10
🚨︎ report
Why do giraffes have long necks?

To reach their heads.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
🚨︎ report
Last year it certainly wasn't much fun having a broken neck.

But now I can look back and laugh.

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
🚨︎ report
I found out recently that it’s very common for Clowns to suffer from bad necks.

I guess it’s because they always sleep funny.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lethalwolfy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
🚨︎ report
Please vote here: When a prince ties fabric around his neck, is it a scarf, cravat or an ascot?

Voting has ended. It's a tie.

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16
🚨︎ report
My guitar neck got nervous

I said β€œdon’t fret”

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
🚨︎ report
I had a neck brace fitted years ago...

And I've never looked back since

Edit: spelling

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/liverpool135
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.

Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/swaggerdagger54
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dinosaur with a cramped neck?

A dino sore

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ramilehti
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
🚨︎ report
Someone wanted to fight about whether I was wearing a neck-tie or a cravat.

I don’t know who was right, either way my ascot kicked.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeocal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20
🚨︎ report
Where do you find the best neck accessories?

Tie-land!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alehan85
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30
🚨︎ report
Some guy just threatened to attack me with a neck of a guitar.

I said "Is that a fret?"

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
I'm sticking my neck out on this one
πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lams1d
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
Have you ever seen someone snap their own neck?

It’s a real head turner.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThompsonTom
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
Why they put a bell around a cow's neck?

Because its horn doesn't ring.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/creedwolf_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
My daughter turned 18 today, so I bought her a locket and put her picture in it. As I gently placed it around her neck, chocking back the tears, I said, "Well, sweetheart, I guess you really are..."

...independent!"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
It wasn’t much fun when I broke my neck in an accident a few months ago.

But now I can look back and laugh.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
Someone just told me they were going to smack me with the neck of their guitar.

I said, β€œis that a fret?”

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stinkerhubbin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
A sore neck was the inspiration for my wife and I to make up this joke together...

A man was telling his friend that his neck was sore. His friend asked him, β€œwhat happened”? The man said that varmints had been tearing up his yard and that he had been spending hours digging through the dirt trying to repair the damage. His friend says, β€œgo for massage and that should take care of the problem”.

A couple of days pass and the two meet up again. The friend asked the man, β€œhow did it go?” The man says, β€œwell, I have to tell you, they are hard to catch, but once you get ahold of them and get started, those gophers sure seem to like their massage”.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jdinmd
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
🚨︎ report
What happened to the lions neck at the Chinese market?

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TSRshiku
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
Wife said she gets turned on if I blow on her neck during sex.

I'm not a fan.

πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackforgood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
How does an English Sport Player hurt their neck?

They Cricket.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SnixyZ
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
🚨︎ report
My wife said she'll divorce me if I keep making puns about birds with long necks.

That's swan way to go about it.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do cows have bells around their necks?

Because their horns don’t work.

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gmaxis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do giraffes have such long necks?

Because their head is so far from their body. -my dad, just now.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/g3nerald1sarray
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My Son asked me if I had any regrets over the really expensive neck brace I bought...

Can honestly say I've never looked back

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/carlitos_segway
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
It wasn’t much fun when I broke my neck last year.

But now I can look back and laugh.

πŸ‘︎ 401
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Son: If you make another lame joke I’ll hit you with the neck of my guitar.

Dad: Is that a fret?

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tmarkcha117
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Who’s Neck-st
πŸ‘︎ 106
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bowlsofhoney
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
This would be a total pane in the neck.
πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Some guy just said he was going to attack me with the neck of a guitar.

I said β€œIs that a fret”

πŸ‘︎ 699
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Due to a spinal injury at work, my Dad had to get a neck brace.

At least now he always looks forward to see me.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do cows wear bells around their necks?

Because their horns don’t work!

πŸ‘︎ 97
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wildM4N04
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is a giraffe's neck so long?

So it can reach it's head.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AciTroniX
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a male doctor who specializes in necks?

A guy-neck-ologist

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ToothSleuth86
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife was naggy with me until I tied a towl round her neck like a cape.

Now she's super naggy.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orduk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Necks
πŸ‘︎ 209
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Madismom09
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do farmers hang bells around the necks off their cows?

Because the horns doesnt work

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombiesAtHome
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Facebook went neck deep on this one
πŸ‘︎ 131
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Epcc7890
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I had a neck brace fitted three years ago.

I haven’t looked back since.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/waddoheck
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
(x-post r/jokes) My wife told me that she couldn't turn her neck because it hurts so much, so I told her to look forward to a massage tonight...

...Since she can't look sideways anyways...

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Totally_a_Banana
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a neck brace fitted years ago.

I’ve never looked back since!

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MeepMeepMcMeep
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
They’ll catch him again necks week
πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rushinlobster
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad just told me, β€œWhen I was your age and saw a girl, I first looked at her hair, then her eyes, then her neck...”

Damn dial up connections!

πŸ‘︎ 132
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who likes to kiss dead people's necks?

A necromancer.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spiderpool123
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
🚨︎ report
The necks big thing
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pictionfulp329
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I had a doctor’s appointment today but it didn’t go so well. All he did was suck blood out of my neck. Don’t go to Dr. Acula.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oliviaj1020
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the clown's neck hurt?

Because he slept funny!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/arrenlex
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Guy walks into a bar with jumper cables on his neck...

Bouncer says "you better not try to start anything."

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chuckyocouch_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
And the award for the best neck ware goes to....

Huh, would you look at that, it was a tie.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do giraffes have long necks?

Because their head is really far away.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Undercoverforever
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
It wasn’t fun when I broke my neck in an accident a few years ago.

Now I can look back and laugh.

πŸ‘︎ 125
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a red neck who works for ISIS?

Y’all Qaeda.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDarkIsMyLight
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My son said he coloured himself with a highlighter pen from the neck upwards during work today.

I think it's a bold-faced lie.

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Neck it Ralph
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leO-A
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do cows wear bells around their necks?

Cause their horns dont work.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I told my dad even just WATCHING chokeholds in UFC makes my neck hurt.

He says he has the same problem watching tennis

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/niggety
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Dracula is a neck romancer.
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orangepek0e
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
🚨︎ report
why would you want to snap someone's neck?

it just seems a bit too twisted of a plan.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cher-ii
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
All the metal things fell off the neck of my guitar.

I didn't fret.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Urwinator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Two coworkers were having a competition on who wore the better accessory on the neck. Who won?

No one. It was a tie.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fusrodah10
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
This bloke said to me: I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.

I said: Is that a fret?

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/grumpyjanner1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
🚨︎ report
A busker threatened to hit me with the neck of his guitar the earlier today...

I said, β€œis that a fret?”

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skoulding
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
🚨︎ report
My daughter turned 18 today, so I bought her a locket and put her picture in it. As I gently placed it around her neck, chocking back the tears, I said, "Well, sweetheart, I guess you really are..." reddit.com/r/dadjokes/com…
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alextound
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm starting a company that makes edible neck warmers

My slogan will be "You can't resist scarfing these down."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cantaloupe_elope
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I'd break my neck to prove I'm not masochistic.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
A man said he was going to hit me with the neck of a guitar

I said "is that a fret?"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jp234989292
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
🚨︎ report
It wasn’t much fun having a broken neck...

But now I can look back and laugh.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chooboto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
My entire body from the neck down was erased while I was trying to build a teleportation device.

Decided to quit while I was a head.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spartacats
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Told my family I was telling jokes in my sleep and woke up with a sore neck.

That's what I get for sleeping funny on it.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/reydeguitarra
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
🚨︎ report
And the winner of the best neck wear award goes to...

Wait, wait it's a tie.

πŸ‘︎ 112
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Donnakebabmeat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2017
🚨︎ report
A local guitarist said he was going to beat me with the neck of a guitar.

I said β€œis that a fret?”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Willfreckles
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I went in for a routine checkup, and they took way too much in the blood draw. I was dizzy, and it was a real pain in the neck...

I'm just not sure about this Dr. Acula.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_zensphere
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar with his pet giraffe, the barman asks what he can get them and the man orders a pint for himself and 20 shots for the giraffe, the giraffe necks all 20 shots and falls on the ground, the man goes to leave the bar and the barman says "HEY, you can't leave that lyin there!"

The man says "that's not a lion, that's a giraffe"

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChazyLamy
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife was wondering why my neck smells like cat farts.

I told her I was wearing purrfume.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/welcome-exile
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Why was the lion's neck all wet?

He had a leaky water mane.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call an alligator in a v-neck sweater?

An inVESTagator

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DA_ZEUS_BOLT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Great Neck.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tqgibtngo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2017
🚨︎ report
Why do giraffes have such long necks?

Because if they didn't, their heads would just be floating in the air.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2016
🚨︎ report
Why do vampires love to bite necks?

Because they are neck-romancers.

Alternatively: They are in to neck-rophilia.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/etherreal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Today, I can't decide whether to wear a turtle neck or a henway.

What's a henway? | About two or three pounds.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vegtosterone
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2017
🚨︎ report
I like to tackle all of my neck problems...

head on

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Norminator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife told me, "When you kiss my neck, it feels magical."

I guess you could say I'm a neckromancer.

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Grizzly_Bits
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2015
🚨︎ report
i had a neck brace fitted years ago...

i have never looked back

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ri0tt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
My daughter turned 18 today, so I bought her a locket and put her picture in it. As I gently placed it around her neck, chocking back the tears, I said, "Well, sweetheart, I guess you really are..."

...independent!"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2018
🚨︎ report
It wasn't much fun when I broke my neck last year.

But now I can look back and laugh!

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do giraffes have such long necks?

Because their head is so far from their body!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/penaltyboxer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report

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