A Russian named Rudolph looked out of his window one day and told his wife not to go out without an umbrella. His wife asked βWhat makes you say thatβ?
He replied βRudolph the red knows rain dearβ.
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︎ Dec 14 2020
I make Christmas wreaths for a living. So I decided I would make one out of 100 dollar bills the other day.
I call it a wreath of Franklin.
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︎ Dec 09 2020
My wife said I could never make a car out of spaghetti...
You should of seen her face when I drove Pasta.
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︎ Dec 04 2020
I really hope Santa can figure out how to make all his deliveries this year due to Covid-19......
I hear he just ran out of santa-tizer
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︎ Dec 14 2020
I tried to make jokes about the millions unemployed and out of work.
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︎ Dec 20 2020
I've got a friend who reckons he can make high cuisine out of stock cubes.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Did you hear about the guy who makes comics out of tiny colourful plastic discs?
He is a sequintial artist.
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︎ Dec 17 2020
What do you call it when an older married gay couple make it a rule to go out at least once every 2 weeks?
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︎ Nov 18 2020
I recently found out my wiener doesnβt work anymore. I decided to have a funeral since itβs pretty much dead now. My sweet wife asked if anything would make me feel better.
I replied, Perhaps mourning would...
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︎ Oct 21 2020
I'm going to make a Hobbit out of this
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︎ Aug 31 2020
I want to make s'mores, but I'm out of graham crackers...
Good thing I have Instagram
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︎ Oct 17 2020
I tried to make a belt out of Italian herbs, but it didnβt work
It was just a waist of thyme
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︎ Aug 22 2020
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
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︎ Jul 23 2020
What substance do they make disco floors out of?
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︎ Jul 09 2020
People who go out in public without a mask make me sick.
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︎ Jul 27 2020
My girlfriend thought I'd never be able to make a car out of spaghettiβ¦
You should've seen her confront when I drove pasta.
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︎ Jun 20 2020
What do you make a coffin out of?
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︎ Sep 16 2020
My son tried to make me a rest bed with a built-in water station, but the water kept squirting out.
I smiled and told him, "Hey, it's the cot that founts!"
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︎ Jul 16 2020
I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches
But then I realized it would be a waist of time
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︎ Jun 03 2020
My friend lied when he said he didnβt make an entire book out of cloth.
His story was completely fabricated.
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︎ Aug 08 2020
I'm going to show you a magic trick and make two bras out of thin air
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︎ Aug 08 2020
I found out how to make holy water!
You boil the hell out of it!
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︎ Jul 19 2020
Running out of toilet paper, in a time like this, makes sense
I always knew we would wipe ourselves out
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︎ Apr 24 2020
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you shouldβve seen her face when I rode pasta
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︎ Apr 02 2020
People only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make
Then they call me ugly and poor
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︎ Apr 11 2020
If you make-out in a kayak...
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︎ Apr 15 2020
Itβs hard to make lemonade out of lemons when the world is going bananas.
So I made banana bread instead.
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︎ May 03 2020
I keep trying to make pound cake, but it never comes out right.
It's always off by a few ounces.
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︎ May 13 2020
I knew this girl who wanted bigger boobs, but couldn't afford proper implants, so she had her uncle make her a false set out of pine.Would be great if I had a punchline to go with that though,
Would be great if I had a punchline to go with that though, wooden tit?
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︎ Apr 26 2020
My wife asked me to make a recipe that called for thyme but we were out. I told her...
Ain't nobody go thyme for that
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︎ Apr 24 2020
What do you call it when a Marsupial on drugs makes you a delicious drink out of hot water and plants?
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︎ Apr 07 2020
I wanted to make a joke about potassium so, I was like oK what is the best way to make a pun out of this.
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︎ Jan 14 2020
I finally figured out why dads make great science teachers.
They are really in their element.
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︎ Apr 08 2020
When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.
It's called Parking Son's disease.
Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger.
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︎ Mar 12 2018
I didn't believe my friend when he said he could make a boat out of caviar...
But then I saw him roe-ing it on the lake.
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︎ Feb 07 2020
Why is it easy to make money out of manufacturing rulers?
Because of the economies of scale.
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︎ Feb 16 2020
We are almost out of kitty litter, so my cats will make doo with what litter we have
imgur.com/scUiBA3
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︎ Oct 28 2019
I bet my girlfriend that I could make a car out of anything from the kitchen cupboard
Should have seen her face when I drove pasta
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︎ Sep 17 2019
Shout out to the guy that makes these sausages
In my heart, he'll always be a wiener
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︎ Jan 14 2019
My wife said I could never make a car out of spaghetti
She was so annoyed when I drove pasta
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︎ Aug 13 2020
I told my wife I was going to make a car out of spaghetti
She just laughed.
You should of seen her face when I drove past her!
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︎ Jun 13 2020
I finally figured out how they make holy water...
They boil the hell outta it.
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︎ May 07 2020
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
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︎ Jul 04 2019
I told the wife I could make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta
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︎ Jan 17 2020
My mom always laughed when I said I'd make a car out of spaghetti
But you should've seen her face when I drove pasta.
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︎ Jan 03 2020
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