How do you have intercourse with an Android?

You gotta grind your gears.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TubaXYZ
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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Studies show that Australians rarely ever have sexual intercourse,

but when they do

Australians mate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AFGClips
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
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What do you call two transgender midgets having sexual intercourse?

A microtransaction.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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My wife and I were having sexual intercourse in the back of her car.

A policeman showed up, knocked on the glass and said, "What on earth is this?"

"It's called a window," I replied.

Stupid man.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2018
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How did the hikers describe having intercourse in the woods?

It was fucking in-tents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WebWheat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2018
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Accidentally set my dad up for a good one today

I dunno how it came up but we were talking about incompetent people having children:

Me: you should have to pass a course before you're allowed to have a child

Dad: You do. Intercourse.

Me: instant regret followed by hysterical laughter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/graffitiaddicted
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2015
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My dad's a man who came from the USSR, and this is my favorite joke from him

A woman walks into a doctor's office and asks the doctor "Doctor, help! I am 24 years old, always wear makeup, and go on many diets but no man has ever wanted to have intercourse with me! What can I do to fix this problem?" The doctor replies, "Get naked and walk around I'll see what the problem is." She gets naked, walks around and the doctor says, "Ahh, I see what the problem is!" The woman replies, "Oh what is it doctor! I would really like to know!" The doctor says, "You have Exaggetly disease" Woman says, "Exaggetly disease? What's that? Doctor gives a sly grin and says, "Its when your face looks Exaggetly like your ass"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ralfy13
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2013
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Studying for my MCAT when I came across this passage in Verbal.

I have written this book to sweep away all misunderstandings about the crafty art of punnery and to convince you that the pun is well worth celebrating.... After all, the pun is mightier than the sword, and these days you are much more likely to run into a pun than into a sword. [A pun is a witticism involving the playful use of a word in different senses, or of words which differ in meaning but sound alike.]

Scoffing at puns seems to be a conditioned reflex, and through the centuries a steady barrage of libel and slander has been aimed at the practice of punning. Nearly three hundred years ago John Dennis sneered, β€œA pun is the lowest form of wit,” a charge that has been butted and rebutted by a mighty line of pundits and punheads.

Henry Erskine, for example, has protested that if a pun is the lowest form of wit, β€œIt is, therefore, the foundation of all wit.” Oscar Levant has added a tag line: β€œA pun is the lowest form of humorβ€”when you don’t think of it first.” John Crosbie and Bob Davies have responded to Dennis with hot, cross puns: β€œ...If someone complains that punning is the lowest form of humor you can tell them that poetry is verse.”

Samuel Johnson, the eighteenth century self-appointed custodian of the English language, once thundered, β€œTo trifle with the vocabulary which is the vehicle of social intercourse is to tamper with the currency of human intelligence. He who would violate the sanctities of his mother tongue would invade the recesses of the national till without remorse... ”

Joseph Addison pronounced that the seeds of punning are in the minds of all men, and tho’ they may be subdued by reason, reflection, and good sense, they will be very apt to shoot up in the greatest genius, that which is not broken and cultivated by the rules of art.

Far from being invertebrate, the inveterate punster is a brave entertainer. He or she loves to create a three-ring circus of words: words clowning, words teetering on tightropes, words swinging from tent tops, words thrusting their head into the mouths of lions. Punnery can be highly entertaining, but it is always a risky business. The humor can fall on its face, it can lose its balance and plunge into the sawdust, or it can be decapitated by the snapping shut of jaws. While circus performers often receive laughter or applause for their efforts, punsters often draw an obligatory groan for theirs. But the fact that most people groan at, rather than laugh at, puns doesn’t mean that the punnery isn’t fu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zil2mz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2014
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Elks Do It

My father-in-law tends to tell jokes in the first person. So, not "Hey, did you hear the one about the Aggie..." but "I was talking to my buddy Joe who is an Aggie...." This means you never quite know when the joke is coming.

Today: "I was talking to my buddy, and I mentioned: 'Did you know elks have intercourse 15 times a day?'" He said, "Oh shit, I just went out and joined the Knights of Columbus!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WaylonWillie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2013
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