They just china have pun.
My boyfriend and I have pun- battles
My friend and I often have pun wars. One of us runs up to the other and says a word that we have to make puns about until somebody runs out of ideas.
I wasn’t feeling quite like myself one day, so when she ran to me and shouted, “Aluminum!” I responded, “Can it! My plans have been foiled and I’m not in the mood to scrap.”
Headlines just wanna have pun
A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
If you have ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly
Because communication is key
Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit
Why do women have a difficult time working for the postal service?
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?”
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
I have a pencil that used to belong to William Shakespeare. He chewed it a lot.
Now, I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B!
Why do Deloreans always have such low mileage?
They’re only driven from from time to time
I have a friend with no social skills and a Ph.D in the history of palindromes.
My wife tells me I have 2 major faults,
I don't listen - and something else.
Funny how in the past everyone owned horses and only the rich owned cars, and now everyone has cars and only the rich have horses...
My how the stables have turned.
Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!
My wife said, “You really have no sense of direction, do you?”
I said, “Where did that come from?”
Edit: Thanks for the love. I’m right speechless.
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .
The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week
Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate
I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines.
He's a Singer songwriter, or sew it seams.
I said I was sad to have to go back to work on Monday after a long break. My four year old without missing a beat said...
Daddy, you're sad because it's SADurday.
I was so proud.
They shouldn’t have called it zoom
Co-vid woulda been a better name
Thx for the awards, kind strangers!
Why did the wizard’s wife have hickeys on her neck?
Because he was a neck-romancer.
I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.
It’s my jingle bell rock.
How many swords do you have?
Have you heard, the sequel to 2020 has has been postponed?
2022 won’t be arriving for at least a year.
I don’t know why everyone seem to have a problem with vegans.
I have never had a beef with one.
September, October, November, and December should have been the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th month.
Whoever screwed this up—- I hope he got stabbed.
Why did the two melons have a church wedding?
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
Have you seen the new movie “Constipation”? No?
That’s because it hasn’t come out yet
Have you heard the joke about the capital building?
I have a horrific fear of elevators
I’ve started taking steps to avoid them
Polar bears have been introduced in the Antarctic. What are these polar bears now called?
“Hey, how much wood have you chopped so far?”
“Not sure. Let me check the logs.”
Shamelessly stolen on twitter, no clue about who did that. I have to dig something here...
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs?
Because the cow has the udder
I have only two new years resolutions this year. One: get back to the weight I was before the accident.
Two: stop referring to last year's junk food binge as 'the accident'
Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 4....
Not a dad, but I have a good one
kid: RERErRErerErRerererererEreRerrerereRrErrrErEre!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?
Dad: Calm down! My ears hertz!!!
I have just laid a chicken proof lawn.
4 men were sitting in a boat about to smoke a cigarette, when they realized they didn't have a cigarette lighter.
So, they threw one cigarette off their boat and the boat became one cigarette lighter.
What's everyone been using to scrape ice off their cars? I have been using a discount card.
Only been getting 25% off.
Have you heard they’re making Christmas themed tampons?
They’re for the festive period!
Have a holly Punny Christmas (oc)
Why does nobody in Antarctica have Covid-19?
Because they're too ice-o-lated
What do Donald Trump and a pigeon have in common?
They’re both big fans of coos.
Why does the Norwegian navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?
So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
I dont really have that many friends...
But me and my recliner go way back.
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