Nice and dead behind the eyes for my own pun
Reddit making its own puns
My 5yo blew us away with this original that he came up with all on his own. What do you call two ice dragons?
Twice dragons.
Update: honestly thank you everyone, you guys are totally making this kids day! Distance learning in kindergarten has been rough and he misses seeing his friends pretty hard, so when I told him about this (I was able to use “Wreck-It Ralph : Ralph breaks the Internet” and buzz tube with likes/hearts as a reference) he’s been smiling from ear to ear nonstop since! A million thankyou‘s for the kind words and awards.
Best piece of clothing I own!
Why can a bicycle stand on its own?
In jungle they have their own descriptions
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic.
He said: "Sure, knock yourself out!"
If there's one thing I own that's remarkable
Even though I'm an avid duck and goose hunter, I don't own any calls.
My wife doesn't want me using fowl language.
I'm trying to start up my own business, recycling discarded chewing gum.
Just need help getting it off the ground.
Everyone should own a good piece of neckwear
It can really tie an outfit together
So I used to own a rabbit farm.
You know I would raise these super cute fluffy bunnies!
People would always ask me how it was: was it relaxing, fun, nice, a bore etc...?
I would always respond that it was honestly terrifying, like really scary.
People in bewilderment would always say: "what? scary? how can that be??"
I would respond: "well, it was hare raising"
I’m just here mining my own business...
When a clogged drain killed his family, a clog far past the u-bend & far beyond justice, he knew had to take matters into his own filthy hands. He had to become...
Since the start of the Covid outbreak I own the quietest bar in the land....
Starbucks should release their own brand of facemasks, they could call them...
Do you know what car someone who loves rhythmical music should own ?
I heard some crows communicating after one of their own was injured.
They were caws for concern.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
My girlfriend owns a bit of a golden Nile serpent...
She has a nice piece of asp!
There was a post about a teen holding his own heart in his hands after a heart transplant, I thought these comments belonged here
Some people relieve their sexual urge by taking matters into their own hands.
I was punned by my own brain
What's the name of the relative who owns a shop that specializes in vintage items made from hardwood?
BREAKING: Iran has struck its own submarine with an underwater torpedo in the Persian Gulf, killing all 350 aboard
U/JBJorr said this in a comment but I thought it deserved its own post “ I pulled a small prank on the elevator
I've never had an eggs benedict at a restaurant as good as the one I can make in my own kitchen.
There's no place like home for the hollandaise.
Today I have opened my very own pizza restaurant.
I will be rolling in dough in no time.
I developed my own fragrance today,
Nobody in the car liked it.
My brother went to jail. He didn't take it well. Started insulting and attacking everyone and threw his own feces on the walls.
I don't think we'll play Monopoly with him again.
Haha made me laugh at my own meme
I have always wanted to own a pure bread horse
https://preview.redd.it/x7eqsufaq1x51.jpg?width=599&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=39fe9d67d655ff805ff8d98bf7b0a79d12d1b7c0
Once I was in a yogurt shop minding my own business, when I heard a couple of women talking in an interesting accent at one of the nearby tables.
I glanced over and noticed that they were quite attractive. A little on the larger side, but that never stopped me before. So, yogurt cup in hand, I boldly approached their table.
“Excuse me,” I said, “I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation, and I noticed your lovely accents. Are you two ladies from Scotland by any chance?”
They immediately bristled at my question, obviously offended, and one of them snapped at me, “It’s Wales!”
“No offense intended,” I replied. “Please allow me to try again...are you two whales from Scotland?”
What do you call dad’s that have kids that have their own kids
Every year around this time, my family and I go out to the woods to pick out and cut down our own menorah.
Someone pointed out my own comment I didn't get it at first.
For this year’s Thanksgiving, I decided to shoot my own turkey.
Everyone at the frozen food aisle started freaking out though.
If I ever own a mare, Im naming her
My invention was amazing! After many many attempts, I finally got a two-wheeled vehicle to stand on its own!
I guess tri, tri again is the way.
I own the worlds worst thesaurus
Not only is it awful, it's awful.
If Al Gore really invented the internet, did he develop his own Al-Gore-rithms? :')
I invented the cure for Covid, it's made of my own breed of coffee.
I call it the Mcafee antivirus
My bike won't stand on it's own.
I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anaesthetic.
He said: “Sure, knock yourself out!”
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