The furniture store keeps calling me.
But I only wanted one nightstand
I keep making covid jokes.
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed
To be honest this is pretty demolarizing
What do crocodiles wear to keep their legs dry in the water?
Where did the nut keep his money?
Keep cows well hydrated
Otherwise, they turn into real jerkies.
My friend said that it is bad to keep shit in me too long
All i said was that i don't give a shit
How do you keep water in a hole in the ground until you need it?
The impala was struggling to keep up with the rest of the herd.
She refused to pick up her pace because she was anti-lope.
Where does Santa keep his coat?
How does the Earth keep itself clean ?
My company keeps asking me to sign up for a 401k.
There's no way I could run that far.
Be careful: if you keep making these terrible puns...
...you could get be charged with 'assault with a dad-ly weapon'.
I don't keep grudges. My dad kept grudges....
Eyelashes are supposed to keep things from getting into your eyes, but when I do have something in my eye it's almost always an eyelash...
What do you call an Irish man who keeps on bumping off things ?
Why couldn’t the young, electric train keep up with the old trains?
Because he ran out of steam
People keep telling me to use my energy well...
Does anyone know where I can get a mana pool?
Where did Noah keep his bees?
People ask me why I keep bring my sled to places like yard sales and the flea market
I tell them the answer is simple...Toboggan!
Where does Santa keep his money?
Why does my motorcycle keep falling asleep?
Some guy on a tractor keeps driving past my house shouting, “THE END IS NIGH!!! THE END IS NIGH!!!”
It might be farmer Geddon.
Oh damn guess I get to keep my tip
I keep complementing my local gas station when training my dog.
Must....keep....maritime puns....
You always have to keep your job exciting.
Being a well driller, I often dream I could drill right to the center of the earth.
If I didn't have such a great imagination my job would be just boring.
Just keep digging, just keep digging
A group of butts is walking. The smallest struggles to keep up.
“Sorry, I’m a little behind.”
My friend keeps saying “Cheer up man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
I went to the psychiatrist because I keep acting like a dog.
Doc: lie down on the couch and we’ll discuss this.
Me: I’m not allowed on the couch.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That shit is getting old," I told him.
PS: Do I get any extra credit if this is a real story?
My wife keeps yelling at me for only eating German sausages
I mean, what is the wurst that can happen?
Where do they keep all the mansplains?
In the ‘well, actually ‘✨
I cut lumber for a living, but I keep sleeping on the job.
As you can tell, I'm a slumberjack.
How do you keep someone in suspense?
Hear about that superhero knock-off group that keeps ordering drinks but pour out all the liquid?
Apparently they call themselves the Just Ice League
I keep asking my flatmate to pay his rent
And he keeps turning sideways to avoid me
My friend Peter keeps saying the same things over again.
So I nicknamed him Re-Peter.
Where does a General keep his Armies?
they just keep getting served all the time
People keep telling me to stop putting up walls
Where does Santa keep his money?
How do you keep an idiot in suspense
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
...
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