Everyone keeps telling me there's 26 letters in the alphabet, not 25
Where does a General keep his armies?
My buddy keeps asking me to blow cool air on him when he gets hot, and I don’t like it.
Where do toy stores keep their Terminator action figures?
How does the solar system keep it's pants from falling down?
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
Pork factories keep calling me and I keep hanging up on them.
I keep forgetting that Tom Petty passed away and it makes me sad
He don’t come around here no more
The name for the drawer where I keep my underwear?
Why can't a lactose intolerant dyslexic man keep a diary?
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
Man, hot air balloon rides keep getting more expensive every year.
But I guess that’s just inflation.
How do you keep a bull from charging?
Take away its credit card.
Where should you keep your books about bees?
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
How?
Well...
Are you going to tell me?
Why are you walking away without telling me?
Forget it. I didn’t want to know anyway...
What kind of ants keep coming back?
You know where I keep all my dad jokes?
My gob just keeps going and going.
Any advice on something I can take?
Give man a match and you'll keep him warm for a minute.
Set man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Mother in law came for dinner and asked, "Why does your dog keep staring at me?"
"Because you're using his plate."
My son keeps all his boogers in a journal. He's up to 143.
I told him "One more and it'll be truly gross"
Where does a pool table keep its money?
People keep asking me how do I have a lot of dad jokes...
It's simple. I have a dad-a-base.
If you keep shouting you might get a pony.
You might get a little hoarse.
The furniture store keeps calling me.
But I only wanted one nightstand
I keep making covid jokes.
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed
To be honest this is pretty demolarizing
What do crocodiles wear to keep their legs dry in the water?
Where did the nut keep his money?
My dad keeps talking about his new unmanned aerial vehicle.
He won't stop droning on about it.
Touring stand-ups keep getting covid.
I guess laughter isn’t the best medicine.
A man goes into a pet store to buy a puppy to keep his horses company in their stable.
"What's the best breed for horses like those you'd see in the old west movies," he asks the owner, "my mares are just like that." The owner thinks for a minute, then replies "Dachshund."
The man is surprised, and replies "are you sure about that? I was picturing something bigger that wouldn't get trampled on." The owner nods, and says "Yup, it's just like the movies - if you want your horses to behave, you get a long little doggie."
Keep cows well hydrated
Otherwise, they turn into real jerkies.
My friends keep trying to convince me to let a 2,000 elephant sit on me.
Being stuck at home during lockdown, I keep having these nightmares that my house is made of celery.
Doctors are calling it the stalk home syndrome.
My friend said that it is bad to keep shit in me too long
All i said was that i don't give a shit
How did people in the ancient world keep track of how many people they made out with?
I told my doctor I keep dreaming I've turned into a wigwam or a teepee.
He said, "You're too tense".
How do you keep water in a hole in the ground until you need it?
How does Santa keep his library organized?
I keep forgetting the guitar tabs to that one Sublime song...
I guess you could say I dont practice Santeria.
Oh damn guess I get to keep my tip
How does the Earth keep itself clean ?
Where does Santa keep his coat?
A furniture store keeps calling me.
All i wanted was one night stand.
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