The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when I was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone.
He said, “Fine. Suit yourself.”
My 11 year old and I were coming out of a store and someone just parked right next to our car.
She said. Our cars aren’t social distancing! You don’t want them to get ...CARona virus do you?
A store clerk fought off an armed robber with a labeling gun
Now police are looking for a man with a price on his head.
Where do dads store all their jokes?
I go to the store and buy 2 eggs, a loaf of bread, and some milk. The cashier says “you must be single” and I respond with “how did you know?”
She responded, “ because you are ugly!”
I went to the candle store to celebrate my cake day...
They were having a blowout sale.
Do you know where I store all my dad jokes?
“Back in the day...” my dad started to say. “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well. But today...” he lamented...
“Wherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"
I like to write jokes down from this sub and store them on my phone.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out...it was a safe purchase.
A sweater I purchased was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one, free of charge.
The bass player of Red Hot Chili Peppers opened a second hand store
They're calling it the Flea Market
A pet store in New Mexico has seabirds in the window for sale; I bought the one on the right, but...
...I knew I shoulda taken that left tern at Albuquerque!
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. “That’s one too many!” says the customer.
The clerk replies “It’s a freebie”
I went to 3 different stores trying to find some paper towels....
I guess you could call me a Bounty hunter.
Why did the chicken like to shop at the dollar store?
Name for an etsy store
My friends name is Paige.
She asked me to help with names for her etsy store to sell paintings, crochet stuff, alcohol ink things, and pottery.
Paige despises puns.
Please help me with some good pun names for her shop.
I didn't realize the reopening of the Lego store was going to be so popular...
People are lining up for blocks!
Today I stopped a robbery at a music store.
I knew all that time I spent playing Guitar Hero would pay off some day.
If my bookcase realizes it wants to store dishes instead of books, it has reached shelf actualization.
A pirate walks into an Apple store
A dog sees a "Now hiring" poster outside of a computer store.
The poster reads:
"Must be able to type. Must be able to program. And must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer."
The dog takes the poster in his mouth, and walks in. The manager spots the dog, and decides to humour it, pulling up a chair and a computer with a word processor. "Alright, if you want to work here, you need to first write a letter," and leaves the room.
30 minutes later, he comes back in, and the dog has typed out a completely error-free letter.
"Well, I'll be. This is a smart dog. But can he program?" he asks himself.
20 minutes pass, and the dog has made a perfectly running website for the store.
He looks, shocked, at the dog, and finally speaks. "Look, I know you have the qualifications, but, well... you're a dog."
The dog nudges the words "We are an equal opportunity employer." on the poster, and the manager sighs.
"There's no way you're bilingual."
The dog looks him in the eyes, and says, "Meow."
You should go to the candle store...
They’re having a blowout sale.
My daughter and I went to the grocery store yesterday, and we were amazed by the quality of the produce. We spoke with the Department Manager and offered to buy all of their Romaine
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
A sweater I bought was picking up so much static electricity that I had to return it to the store.
They have me another one, free of charge.
My local furniture store keeps calling me but...
All I wanted was one night stand
Did you hear about the bread shortage at the Indian grocery store?
When I went there, they had naan left.
The hardware store guy offered to sell me a 50 ft spool of rope for $2, but I refused.
Rick Astley rents the movie Up from the rental store, 3 weeks later he gets a call from the rental store employees saying that his rental is 3 weeks overdue, what does Rick Astley say?
A programmer's wife tells him: "While you're at the store, get some milk".
Went to the store to get eight cans of sprite...
When I got home, I realized I’d only picked seven up.
Why did a lost grizzly walk into a jewlery store?
Because he had to get his bear rings.
People ask me where I store all my dad jokes.
You shouldn't fart in an Apple store,
They don't have Windows...
Want to know where I store all of my jokes?
A man goes to the grocery store...
A man goes to the grocery store and buys 2 apples, a banana and an onion.
The lady at the checkout counter says, "You must be single".
The man says, "Wow, how did you know?"
The lady says, "Because you're ugly."
What is a scarry person's favorite store?
The Lego stores reopened this morning.
Customers are lined up for blocks.
My wife said, “Why did you forget to get all the stuff from the grocery store that I wrote down?”
I said, “When I got there, I felt.....listless.”
The sporting goods store downtown was having a big sale on canoe paddles, but traffic and road construction made it real pain to get there...
...yeah, it was quite the ordeal to get the oar deal.
I was driving around town when I saw that a big bargain sale was going on in my favorite store.
I instantly stopped the car and entered the store.
Unfortunately for me, a cop saw me doing this and arrested me on the spot.
He charged me with braking and entering.
I went shopping at a cherry stand and then a microphone store.
Bought a Bing. Bought a boom.
Why is farting on an apple store a bad idea?
Because they have no windows.
Found at the grocery store
Now to find the right book store
You know why you cant fart in an Apple store ?
Because they dont have windows.
There was a big sale on canoe paddles at the store today.
It was quite an oar deal.
The beauty store told me their soap is 100% natural but I found out it wasn't
I heard the LEGO store is reopening...
People are lined up for blocks.
What do you call a pansexual man named nick who works at a cd store?
It’s been a long running tradition for my family to, once a year, jog to the nearest clothes store and back
I guess it just runs in the jeans
If you see a crime at an apple store....
Does that make you an iWitness
My Fiancée was at the store earlier and she texted me saying, “Should I buy new beach towels?”
There's quite a crowd at the lego store
They are lined up for blocks.
What do you call the guards of a Samsung store?
The Guardians of the Galaxy
My friend is a custodian at the grocery store.
Every night he plays supermarket sweep.
Lego stores have finally reopened in the midst of COVID-19...
and people are lined up for blocks.
I went to the record store and bought a new album. It was awful...
I tried to get a refund. But I couldn't get my NickleBack.
Saw this at the grocery store earlier today
This morning, I told my Australian friend that the store was having a sale, and that he should check it out. He looked up at me, took out his earphones and said...
Why don't you want to be sad at a retail store?
You'd be at the lowest of Lowe's
My grocery store had a great deal on baked sweets today
It’s really been a great cake day
I wanted to buy a candle holder but the store didn't have one.
So I got a cake
The other day I saw a bucket at the hardware store with a sign that said: dead batteries - $1 each.
I thought to myself “these should be free of charge”.
I walked into the pet store and I spoke to the guy at the counter.
"I'm looking for an inexpensive pet and I heard your birds are going cheep"
Where do men store their dad jokes?
Where did Noah store his Bees?
We went to the pet store, and now my son wants a porcupine with no quills.
I said, “That’s .....completely pointless.”
Have you heard the Lego store is open for the first time since the COVID shutdown?
They're lining up for blocks.
I went to buy some fruit today but the store was mobbed with protesters.
I got into a fight with an employee at my local hardware store today!
He asked if I wanted decking...
Lucky I got the first punch in
My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the grocery store
I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up.
The re-opening of Lego stores was a big event
Oh yeah, people were lined up for blocks
To the scumbag that stole 300 cans of Red Bull from my store,
I don't know how you can sleep at night.
I went to a smoke shop to discover that it has been replaced by an apparel store.
The store near me is having a sale on batteries.
If you buy two packs, they'll throw in a pack of dead ones, free of charge.
I work at a store that sells imported prosthetic limbs.
I never though I'd grow up to be an international arms dealer.
I bought 10 asparagus at the store but when I got home I realized I had 11...
It was just a spare, I guess...
The LEGO stores reopening was a huge moment
People were lined up for blocks
I went to the grocery store.
The sign said "No food or drinks inside" So I went home.
Going into a store without a mask is like Nirvana.
I feel stupid and contagious.
Did you hear about the crowds at the grand opening of the new Lego store?
People were lined up for blocks
What did the wig shop owner shout at the thief as they ran out of the store with one of the hair pieces?
Hey!! GET BACK HERE!!! You need toupeé for that!!
I was checking out at the grocery store today and the bagger was holding my stuff over the shopping cart and asked: “sir, would you like to go out with the cart?”. To which I replied “oh, no thanks I’m actually married”. My poor son looked mortified. Dad joke status ACHIEVED.
LEGO stores reopening will be one of the biggest events of 2020
People will be lined up for blocks
I had a joke about grocery stores but now is not the right time to tell it
I think aisle tell it later
Thanks to Corona this store is now ...
I saw someone rob the Apple store.
I went to the Home Improvement store this weekend and walked past the stud finders...
The noise was unbearable.
Where do you store dad jokes ?