πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/craigilla
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Grocery store puns
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/captaindubbs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when I was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone.

He said, β€œFine. Suit yourself.”

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14
🚨︎ report
My 11 year old and I were coming out of a store and someone just parked right next to our car.

She said. Our cars aren’t social distancing! You don’t want them to get ...CARona virus do you?

Proud moment.

πŸ‘︎ 993
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17
🚨︎ report
A store clerk fought off an armed robber with a labeling gun

Now police are looking for a man with a price on his head.

πŸ‘︎ 621
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fireseeker4him
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09
🚨︎ report
Where do dads store all their jokes?

In their β€œdadabase”

πŸ‘︎ 170
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Draelix
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17
🚨︎ report
I go to the store and buy 2 eggs, a loaf of bread, and some milk. The cashier says β€œyou must be single” and I respond with β€œhow did you know?”

She responded, β€œ because you are ugly!”

πŸ‘︎ 203
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Parkwad
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31
🚨︎ report
I went to the candle store to celebrate my cake day...

They were having a blowout sale.

πŸ‘︎ 103
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13
🚨︎ report
Do you know where I store all my dad jokes?

In a dad-a--base

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ht-18
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
β€œBack in the day...” my dad started to say. β€œYou could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well. But today...” he lamented...

β€œWherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"

πŸ‘︎ 188
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11
🚨︎ report
I like to write jokes down from this sub and store them on my phone.

I call it my Dad-abase.

πŸ‘︎ 358
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wtrsport430
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
🚨︎ report
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.

Turns out...it was a safe purchase.

πŸ‘︎ 115
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17
🚨︎ report
A sweater I purchased was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.

They gave me another one, free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dirtybirdal
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
The bass player of Red Hot Chili Peppers opened a second hand store

They're calling it the Flea Market

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
🚨︎ report
A pet store in New Mexico has seabirds in the window for sale; I bought the one on the right, but...

...I knew I shoulda taken that left tern at Albuquerque!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FunMathematician1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. β€œThat’s one too many!” says the customer.

The clerk replies β€œIt’s a freebie”

πŸ‘︎ 23k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11
🚨︎ report
I went to 3 different stores trying to find some paper towels....

I guess you could call me a Bounty hunter.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wbgsccgc
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken like to shop at the dollar store?

Everything was a bock!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chrono_bound20xx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09
🚨︎ report
Name for an etsy store

My friends name is Paige. She asked me to help with names for her etsy store to sell paintings, crochet stuff, alcohol ink things, and pottery. Paige despises puns. Please help me with some good pun names for her shop.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slackgir
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19
🚨︎ report
I didn't realize the reopening of the Lego store was going to be so popular...

People are lining up for blocks!

πŸ‘︎ 321
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crogers2009
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19
🚨︎ report
Today I stopped a robbery at a music store.

I knew all that time I spent playing Guitar Hero would pay off some day.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09
🚨︎ report
If my bookcase realizes it wants to store dishes instead of books, it has reached shelf actualization.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/huxley0721
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
A pirate walks into an Apple store

He buys an iPatch

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24
🚨︎ report
The re-opening of LEGO stores was a big event in 2020...

People were lined up for blocks.

https://i.imgur.com/Ph9QdvL.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bill_Baldwin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
🚨︎ report
A dog sees a "Now hiring" poster outside of a computer store.

The poster reads:

"Must be able to type. Must be able to program. And must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer."

The dog takes the poster in his mouth, and walks in. The manager spots the dog, and decides to humour it, pulling up a chair and a computer with a word processor. "Alright, if you want to work here, you need to first write a letter," and leaves the room.

30 minutes later, he comes back in, and the dog has typed out a completely error-free letter.

"Well, I'll be. This is a smart dog. But can he program?" he asks himself.

20 minutes pass, and the dog has made a perfectly running website for the store.

He looks, shocked, at the dog, and finally speaks. "Look, I know you have the qualifications, but, well... you're a dog."

The dog nudges the words "We are an equal opportunity employer." on the poster, and the manager sighs.

"There's no way you're bilingual."

The dog looks him in the eyes, and says, "Meow."

πŸ‘︎ 151
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/juicy-tomato
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23
🚨︎ report
You should go to the candle store...

They’re having a blowout sale.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19
🚨︎ report
My daughter and I went to the grocery store yesterday, and we were amazed by the quality of the produce. We spoke with the Department Manager and offered to buy all of their Romaine

if he'd lettuce

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpalupagus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11
🚨︎ report
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit

No more Mr. Knife guy

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AllKnowingBurrito
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28
🚨︎ report
A sweater I bought was picking up so much static electricity that I had to return it to the store.

They have me another one, free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27
🚨︎ report
My local furniture store keeps calling me but...

All I wanted was one night stand

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hypeaze
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the bread shortage at the Indian grocery store?

When I went there, they had naan left.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ggfchl
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
🚨︎ report
The hardware store guy offered to sell me a 50 ft spool of rope for $2, but I refused.

I hate long good buys.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17
🚨︎ report
Rick Astley rents the movie Up from the rental store, 3 weeks later he gets a call from the rental store employees saying that his rental is 3 weeks overdue, what does Rick Astley say?

Never gonna give you Up!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
🚨︎ report
A programmer's wife tells him: "While you're at the store, get some milk".

He never comes back.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dummy_149
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
Went to the store to get eight cans of sprite...

When I got home, I realized I’d only picked seven up.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/harlienx900
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
Why did a lost grizzly walk into a jewlery store?

Because he had to get his bear rings.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jwaldrip
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
People ask me where I store all my dad jokes.

In a dad-a-base

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ruski_Oligarch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01
🚨︎ report
You shouldn't fart in an Apple store,

They don't have Windows...

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tanner_Banner
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report
Want to know where I store all of my jokes?

In a dadabase....

πŸ‘︎ 939
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
A man goes to the grocery store...

A man goes to the grocery store and buys 2 apples, a banana and an onion.

The lady at the checkout counter says, "You must be single".

The man says, "Wow, how did you know?"

The lady says, "Because you're ugly."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fragzilla360
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
🚨︎ report
What is a scarry person's favorite store?

Michael Meijer

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wolf6513
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
The Lego stores reopened this morning.

Customers are lined up for blocks.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JRD761
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17
🚨︎ report
My wife said, β€œWhy did you forget to get all the stuff from the grocery store that I wrote down?”

I said, β€œWhen I got there, I felt.....listless.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
🚨︎ report
The sporting goods store downtown was having a big sale on canoe paddles, but traffic and road construction made it real pain to get there...

...yeah, it was quite the ordeal to get the oar deal.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
🚨︎ report
I was driving around town when I saw that a big bargain sale was going on in my favorite store.

I instantly stopped the car and entered the store.

Unfortunately for me, a cop saw me doing this and arrested me on the spot.

He charged me with braking and entering.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jpereira73
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05
🚨︎ report
I went shopping at a cherry stand and then a microphone store.

Bought a Bing. Bought a boom.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
Why is farting on an apple store a bad idea?

Because they have no windows.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thotanhialator
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28
🚨︎ report
Found at the grocery store
πŸ‘︎ 248
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PoptartFitness27
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
Now to find the right book store
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/milk-is-bad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
You know why you cant fart in an Apple store ?

Because they dont have windows.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27
🚨︎ report
There was a big sale on canoe paddles at the store today.

It was quite an oar deal.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16
🚨︎ report
The beauty store told me their soap is 100% natural but I found out it wasn't

It was just a Lye

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Amranwag
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27
🚨︎ report
I heard the LEGO store is reopening...

People are lined up for blocks.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bringojackprot
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pansexual man named nick who works at a cd store?

Pan nick at the disc co.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/king_abdula03
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26
🚨︎ report
It’s been a long running tradition for my family to, once a year, jog to the nearest clothes store and back

I guess it just runs in the jeans

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
🚨︎ report
If you see a crime at an apple store....

Does that make you an iWitness

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/liverpool135
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16
🚨︎ report
My FiancΓ©e was at the store earlier and she texted me saying, β€œShould I buy new beach towels?”

I wrote back, β€œShore.”

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/srpjr3795
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
There's quite a crowd at the lego store

They are lined up for blocks.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thephantomnose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
What do you call the guards of a Samsung store?

The Guardians of the Galaxy

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gamingfreak207
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
🚨︎ report
My friend is a custodian at the grocery store.

Every night he plays supermarket sweep.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
Lego stores have finally reopened in the midst of COVID-19...

and people are lined up for blocks.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
I went to the record store and bought a new album. It was awful...

I tried to get a refund. But I couldn't get my NickleBack.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jolly2284
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
Saw this at the grocery store earlier today
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/5v0Lt
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
This morning, I told my Australian friend that the store was having a sale, and that he should check it out. He looked up at me, took out his earphones and said...

"Good I might"

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-taco-rice-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
Why don't you want to be sad at a retail store?

You'd be at the lowest of Lowe's

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cresendo77
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28
🚨︎ report
My grocery store had a great deal on baked sweets today

It’s really been a great cake day

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wakes09
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
I wanted to buy a candle holder but the store didn't have one.

So I got a cake

-Mitch Hedberg

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
The other day I saw a bucket at the hardware store with a sign that said: dead batteries - $1 each.

I thought to myself β€œthese should be free of charge”.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/corbimatic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
I walked into the pet store and I spoke to the guy at the counter.

"I'm looking for an inexpensive pet and I heard your birds are going cheep"

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
Where do men store their dad jokes?

In a dad-a-base

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mother_rebel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
Where did Noah store his Bees?

In his Archives!

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SpiritvsRobot
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
We went to the pet store, and now my son wants a porcupine with no quills.

I said, β€œThat’s .....completely pointless.”

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
Have you heard the Lego store is open for the first time since the COVID shutdown?

They're lining up for blocks.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nectar23
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
I went to buy some fruit today but the store was mobbed with protesters.

I went bananas.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElsonDaSushiChef
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
I got into a fight with an employee at my local hardware store today!

He asked if I wanted decking... Lucky I got the first punch in

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Micktheprivz
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the grocery store

I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LucianoMercuri__
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
The re-opening of Lego stores was a big event

Really

Oh yeah, people were lined up for blocks

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/toolaroola12
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
To the scumbag that stole 300 cans of Red Bull from my store,

I don't know how you can sleep at night.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
I went to a smoke shop to discover that it has been replaced by an apparel store.

Clothes, but no cigar.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scooby_dyver
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
The store near me is having a sale on batteries.

If you buy two packs, they'll throw in a pack of dead ones, free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brownie-mix
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I work at a store that sells imported prosthetic limbs.

I never though I'd grow up to be an international arms dealer.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
I bought 10 asparagus at the store but when I got home I realized I had 11...

It was just a spare, I guess...

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
The LEGO stores reopening was a huge moment

People were lined up for blocks

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BULbyCharTOle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
I went to the grocery store.

The sign said "No food or drinks inside" So I went home.

πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
Going into a store without a mask is like Nirvana.

I feel stupid and contagious.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/not_jake_kemp
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the crowds at the grand opening of the new Lego store?

People were lined up for blocks

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CurGeorge8
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
What did the wig shop owner shout at the thief as they ran out of the store with one of the hair pieces?

Hey!! GET BACK HERE!!! You need toupeΓ© for that!!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TACKYTUESDAY
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
I was checking out at the grocery store today and the bagger was holding my stuff over the shopping cart and asked: β€œsir, would you like to go out with the cart?”. To which I replied β€œoh, no thanks I’m actually married”. My poor son looked mortified. Dad joke status ACHIEVED.
πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DaFunkJunkie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
LEGO stores reopening will be one of the biggest events of 2020

People will be lined up for blocks

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nebulas-Entity
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15
🚨︎ report
I had a joke about grocery stores but now is not the right time to tell it

I think aisle tell it later

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ May 19
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Thanks to Corona this store is now ...
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darlosworld
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
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I saw someone rob the Apple store.

I was an iWitness.

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/afranc72
πŸ“…︎ May 01
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I went to the Home Improvement store this weekend and walked past the stud finders...

The noise was unbearable.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
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Where do you store dad jokes ?

In a dad-a-base

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Le_Canard
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
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