Mister mister missed her.
So it can lift me up and make my day better.
I tried to OC.
He called my daughter a 'ho'! 3 times!!!
He woke up.
(A true classic)
The wigmaker offered me a good deal that I was willing toupee for.
I was walking along the food court when I saw this one animal that was incredibly overdressed compared to the others. While most where in their uniform, this one was in a red and gold robe, and was strangely being followed by a bunch of Buddhist monks.
I asked one of the customers if it was an Alpaca Packer.
They said no.
It's the Deli Llama.
the coffee grounds.
I think he was a lost Clause to begin with.
Seriously, any tips are welcome.
Nice gal, her name’s Ella.
No, but I've seen most of 'em.
(My father used this one every time we passed an enclosed shopping center. I wanted to die.)
I went to hide in the watch store to buy me some time
She’s an Opthemallogist
He tries everything he knows to do, but finally calls his father for help.
Mom and Dad come up to mall parking lot, dad gets into the car, turns the key once, and the engine roars to life.
The teenager is shocked at how easy it was.
"Dad! What did you do differently? I tried everything!"
"It was easy son. I'm wearing my cargo shorts."
Because you don't just shop at one store, you shop at THEM-ALL
“Ehh, you’ve been to one, you’ve been to the mall”
I told them we had choices. We could esca-now, or escalator.
I said 'No, thank you' and then looked down at my daughter and said 'Can you believe she thought I'd trade you away for just a tiny bit of lotion? I'd need a whole bottle, at least!'
She thought that was pretty funny.
He takes his seeing eye dog and starts swinging it,round and round.I asked him,"Hey buddy,what are you doing to that poor dog?"
He says,"Just taking a look around."
I was at the mall the other day and saw this gentleman sitting outside a store with a stack of flyers. He asked another me as I walked by, “Excuse me sir, would you like a flyer?” I looked down and replied, “Yea bro, sure.”
Seriously, I need some pointers.
It doesn’t make any cents
We passed an IHOP, to which I stated "There it is!"
He said, “Christmas stalking.”
Couldn't help but wonder why anyone would pay to see that.
Seriously. Any tips welcome.
"Miss, please, I lost my wife in the store. Would you mind if I talk to you for a few minutes?" "Why?"
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears from somewhere!"
I’m not dad yet
It was coincidental
It just seems like loitering with extra steps
God knows what Santa must have thought of him.
I said to the guy "What's it like being a father?"
He said "Oh, not too dad"
I'm here today to tell you all a horrible story, so that none of you have to go through the same experience as my friend.
My friend, Hugh, is a very religious man, who is also involved in our community. 2 weeks ago, our local church burned down and Hugh believed it was his Christian duty to help them get back on their feet. Hugh allowed the friars of the church to set up a cart in his mall to sell their flowers. Every day, the friars came in at 7:00 in the morning with a bushel of beautiful flowers and began to work diligently to arrange them into bouquets. All was going well, the mall was generating more revenue and the church was making more money than they were by selling the flowers in front of the church on Sunday. Everyone was happy; until that first weekend.
Our town is kinda tourist-y, so we get some out-of-towners on the weekends. A gay couple came to the mall the first weekend that the friars had taken up shop (Typically, our town is pretty progressive, but the friars tende... keep reading on reddit ➡
... "When you've seen one, you've seen a mall."
^((Source: Kiplinger Magazine, 1974)^)
because instead of just going to one store, you go to them all.
Cos you don’t just go to one store, you go to the’mall
He turned to his daughter and said "I don't think they're supposed to park here"
Her: Let's take the escalator.
Me: No, let's just take the esca-now
Authorities warn that it may be armed and dangerous.
I told her "you have nothing to worry, babe. I didn't see anyone"
We were standing next to a group of teenagers when another kid walks up to them and says "Ayyyyyyy!" really loudly.
My dad does the dad thing and yells "B!" with the most accomplished look ever on his face.
And my wife says, "I like Q!" To which I respond, "Yeah, I like you too."
Dad: Hey, you know who I saw at the mall today?
Mom: No, who?
Dad: Don't know, I didn't recognize him either.
Mom: deep sigh
[Dad proceeds to look at me, smiling, to see if I got the joke.]
Susan B. Anthony
Whenever we'd look at the mall map, my dad would point at the "you are here" symbol, put on his dad grin, and ask "how do they know where we are?"
And she was a real bargain!
But seriously folks. My wife and I were walking at a mall, around closing time for most stores. She noticed and commented that there was a Kay Jewellers, but being that they were closed, those security wall things were down. I said it was more like a Cage Jewellers
My husband says "the mall won't FIT in my phone" silence
I'm pretty sure they were talking about me.
and we see the cleaners washing a mirror in the food court.
Dad says: "I could see myself doing that job. "
She was telling me about her renovations of her office at work; Wife: The bathrooms are really nice now. Me: Really? How? Wife: They're only one at a time and they have fans. Me: What do the fans do? Cheer for you as you go? A little salt n peppa?
Ahhh push it. Push it real good!
"Hey amnesiajune, where did we park?"
"Uhh... 2A or 2B"
"2B or not 2B... Thats the question!"
We get to the front doors and he says, "Let me get the door for you." He just steps on the pad to open the automatic doors.
Me: Why can't I ever find my size?! Are my feet just freakishly huge?
Dad: (smiling) well you know what they say about guys with big feet right?
Me: (smirking) what?
Dad: (with a straight face) big socks....
Aunt: "How cool!" Dad: "Of course it's cool, it's Alaska!"
I'm a dad, so this counts right?
Some coworkers were discussing outlet malls when I piped up, "I don't know why people make such a big deal about them. I think Home Depot has the best price on outlets."
The eyerolls were deafening.
Dad to his son: "Did you see that really expensive football? (soccer) Son to Dad "Yeah! It's the world cup ball!" Dad to Son "Well what are they going to play with at the world cup then?!"
He laughed for a long time. So did I.
When this young teenage girl came up to her and asked her a few questions about modeling, just giving her speech.
Model - "How old are you? Are you interested in a modeling career?"
Gf- "no I'm sorry. Thank you."
We continued waking and she told me what the girl said. I turned to my gf and, in a thick Russian accent, said to her...
"what? You no want to be a MALLDEL?"
I couldn't stop laughing at that one.
Dad: So I heard they're opening up a Hickory Farms in Israel. Do you know what they're calling it?
Bemused Clerk: No, what?
Dad: Cheeses of Nazareth.
We're roaming around the mall and we pass a Kirkland's. For those of you that don't know, Kirkland's sells furniture and decorations. My friend goes, "Wait, what's that store?" I tell him that's a home-y store. He his me with, "Oh, I didn't know we were in the ghetto, we'd better get out of this area. It's not safe."