I went to an outdoor mall today and there was guy misting water at people as they walked by. My wife quickly avoided him.

Mister mister missed her.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
First child born in a couple of weeks so I thought to give it the good ol try. Sometimes when I’m down I go to the mall and use the elevator.

So it can lift me up and make my day better.

I tried to OC.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnpowers99
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I bad to punch the mall Santa in the face...

He called my daughter a 'ho'! 3 times!!!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirDrew007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s was a kidnapping in the mall yesterday!

He woke up.

(A true classic)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinnishAmerican
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My balding grandfather told me that there was an adept wigmaker at the mall.

The wigmaker offered me a good deal that I was willing toupee for.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WatchOutItsAdam
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What was the pianist doing at the mall?

Chopin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sajinib
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Well I was doing speedy shopping, until I stopped and had hat to break to see this. Quality puns at the mall.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/satire_scull
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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You know, if you have seen one collection of retail outlets under one roof, you have seen a mall.
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/heavyduty1930
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
🚨︎ report
So I know of this mall that uses animal employees...

I was walking along the food court when I saw this one animal that was incredibly overdressed compared to the others. While most where in their uniform, this one was in a red and gold robe, and was strangely being followed by a bunch of Buddhist monks.

I asked one of the customers if it was an Alpaca Packer.

They said no.

It's the Deli Llama.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a big space at the local mall where they're going to build a Starbucks. I suppose that space is now officially

the coffee grounds.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ralph3576
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
This bike stand outside my local mall
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KulgyHD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
My brother had an interview for a mall Santa in another town. His GPS led him astray and he missed it.

I think he was a lost Clause to begin with.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
How do people lose their kids in a mall?

Seriously, any tips are welcome.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I met Darth Vader’s wife at the mall yesterday.

Nice gal, her name’s Ella.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tanko89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you seen the mall?

No, but I've seen most of 'em.

(My father used this one every time we passed an enclosed shopping center. I wanted to die.)

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EvilGreebo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
They said a killer was on the loose in the mall

I went to hide in the watch store to buy me some time

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justanothershady
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.

She’s an Opthemallogist

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My 3 year old got scared of the mall Santa. I guess he’s claustrophobic like his old man
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
One liner to rule the mall reddit.com/r/Showerthough…
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ursppachulli
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A teenager's car won't start out at the mall one night

He tries everything he knows to do, but finally calls his father for help.

Mom and Dad come up to mall parking lot, dad gets into the car, turns the key once, and the engine roars to life.

The teenager is shocked at how easy it was.

"Dad! What did you do differently? I tried everything!"

"It was easy son. I'm wearing my cargo shorts."

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ezra611
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is "the mall" called "the mall?"

Because you don't just shop at one store, you shop at THEM-ALL

πŸ‘︎ 317
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sa1nt_nick
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Visiting Minnesota, family wanted to visit the Mall of America

β€œEhh, you’ve been to one, you’ve been to the mall”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkSoulsIdiot
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard someone stole a Shaggy CD from the mall

Wasn't me

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/almondjoyeee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you eat at a mall and you're satisfied by your meal?

Mallnourished

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shrewy211
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughters asked me when we were going to the upper level of the mall.

I told them we had choices. We could esca-now, or escalator.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quibblicous
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Walking through the mall with my 9 yr old and a kiosk saleswoman waves a sample of lotion and asks 'A gift for your daughter?'

I said 'No, thank you' and then looked down at my daughter and said 'Can you believe she thought I'd trade you away for just a tiny bit of lotion? I'd need a whole bottle, at least!'

She thought that was pretty funny.

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nocatsonmelmac
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
🚨︎ report
A blind guy enters the mall.

He takes his seeing eye dog and starts swinging it,round and round.I asked him,"Hey buddy,what are you doing to that poor dog?"

He says,"Just taking a look around."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Where does Darth Vader get his clothes? The Darth Mall.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The--User
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I was at the mall the other day...

I was at the mall the other day and saw this gentleman sitting outside a store with a stack of flyers. He asked another me as I walked by, β€œExcuse me sir, would you like a flyer?” I looked down and replied, β€œYea bro, sure.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDeadlyGent
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
🚨︎ report
If they were to create a shopping plaza for bees, it would be a bzz mall.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fortifier22
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Whoever called the loops in malls with restaurants "food courts" missed a huge opportunity. They ought to be cul-de-snacks.
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Batshit_Betty
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
How do people lose their kids in a mall?

Seriously, I need some pointers.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I was supposed to get 2 dollars and 50 cents after my transaction at the mall but only got 2 dollars

It doesn’t make any cents

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loclink
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
True Story: I was driving my family to my son's birthday party at one of those trampoline places. While looking for it in the strip mall...

We passed an IHOP, to which I stated "There it is!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pikeben08
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw Santa following me around in the mall, and I asked him why.

He said, β€œChristmas stalking.”

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Saw a sign at a mall kiosk recently; "Watch Batteries Installed, $5"

Couldn't help but wonder why anyone would pay to see that.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
How do parents lose their kids in a mall?!

Seriously. Any tips welcome.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RileighR
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2018
🚨︎ report
A man approaches a beautiful woman in a Shopping Mall..

"Miss, please, I lost my wife in the store. Would you mind if I talk to you for a few minutes?" "Why?"

"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears from somewhere!"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lifeis_amystery
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
You know what they say: β€œYou’ve seen one mall, well then you’ve seen a mall”.

I’m not dad yet

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ribrars
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2017
🚨︎ report
I saw my dentist at the mall the other day

It was coincidental

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YoniShifrin
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I don’t understand why malls don’t kick out mall walkers

It just seems like loitering with extra steps

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImmenseDruid721
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Last Christmas season, I took my son to see Santa Claus at the mall and he stank of booze and cigarettes.

God knows what Santa must have thought of him.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I saw some kids and their father walking in the mall today...

I said to the guy "What's it like being a father?"

He said "Oh, not too dad"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBassNote
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend owns a mall (long)

I'm here today to tell you all a horrible story, so that none of you have to go through the same experience as my friend.

My friend, Hugh, is a very religious man, who is also involved in our community. 2 weeks ago, our local church burned down and Hugh believed it was his Christian duty to help them get back on their feet. Hugh allowed the friars of the church to set up a cart in his mall to sell their flowers. Every day, the friars came in at 7:00 in the morning with a bushel of beautiful flowers and began to work diligently to arrange them into bouquets. All was going well, the mall was generating more revenue and the church was making more money than they were by selling the flowers in front of the church on Sunday. Everyone was happy; until that first weekend.

Our town is kinda tourist-y, so we get some out-of-towners on the weekends. A gay couple came to the mall the first weekend that the friars had taken up shop (Typically, our town is pretty progressive, but the friars tende

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/st_pugsley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2016
🚨︎ report
Shopping malls are essentially all alike ...

 
  ... "When you've seen one, you've seen a mall."

 
        ^((Source: Kiplinger Magazine, 1974)^)

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tqgibtngo
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2017
🚨︎ report
They call it the mall...

because instead of just going to one store, you go to them all.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goat_chortle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Why is the mall called the mall?

Cos you don’t just go to one store, you go to the’mall

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bolloxofaref
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2018
🚨︎ report
I was at the mall and this dad walked past a display car

He turned to his daughter and said "I don't think they're supposed to park here"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BurtKusch51
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2017
🚨︎ report
What is a mall Santa's least favourite flower?

Peonies

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2017
🚨︎ report
Got my girlfriend at the mall today

Her: Let's take the escalator.

Me: No, let's just take the esca-now

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bzimmy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2015
🚨︎ report
Saw this store in the mall today called Justice, but it seems like false advertising.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GuyFromThePost
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2018
🚨︎ report
BREAKING NEWS: Mannequin torso escapes from North Dakota mall.

Authorities warn that it may be armed and dangerous.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ghosttwo
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2018
🚨︎ report
When my girlfriend got back from the mall she had the feeling someone had been stalking her...

I told her "you have nothing to worry, babe. I didn't see anyone"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beatalls
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
🚨︎ report
When Qui-Gon-Jin went shopping at Darth mall guess what he got?

Half Off!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dark_arceus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2017
🚨︎ report
Standing in the mall with my dad

We were standing next to a group of teenagers when another kid walks up to them and says "Ayyyyyyy!" really loudly.

My dad does the dad thing and yells "B!" with the most accomplished look ever on his face.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/REINBOADUSH
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2014
🚨︎ report
Walked by a store in the mall called Q…

And my wife says, "I like Q!" To which I respond, "Yeah, I like you too."

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timmo1117
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2016
🚨︎ report
You know who I saw at the mall today?

Dad: Hey, you know who I saw at the mall today?

Mom: No, who?

Dad: Don't know, I didn't recognize him either.

Mom: deep sigh

[Dad proceeds to look at me, smiling, to see if I got the joke.]

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/groenekaas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2013
🚨︎ report
What is the name of that crossdressing store at the mall?

Susan B. Anthony

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flame_in_darkness
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2013
🚨︎ report
Every single time at the mall...

Whenever we'd look at the mall map, my dad would point at the "you are here" symbol, put on his dad grin, and ask "how do they know where we are?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2016
🚨︎ report
Got my wife at the mall

And she was a real bargain!

But seriously folks. My wife and I were walking at a mall, around closing time for most stores. She noticed and commented that there was a Kay Jewellers, but being that they were closed, those security wall things were down. I said it was more like a Cage Jewellers

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spongebue
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2016
🚨︎ report
My 9 yr old daughter wanted to go to the mall and she said "Daady, put the mall in your phone"

My husband says "the mall won't FIT in my phone" silence

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hamsandw1tch
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2015
🚨︎ report
I was at the mall the other day, and I overheard two women talking about someone they know who has narcissistic personality disorder.

I'm pretty sure they were talking about me.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/grousing_pheasant
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2014
🚨︎ report
Walking through the mall with Dad...

and we see the cleaners washing a mirror in the food court.

Dad says: "I could see myself doing that job. "

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BummySugar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2015
🚨︎ report
Got the wife today at the mall

She was telling me about her renovations of her office at work; Wife: The bathrooms are really nice now. Me: Really? How? Wife: They're only one at a time and they have fans. Me: What do the fans do? Cheer for you as you go? A little salt n peppa?

Ahhh push it. Push it real good!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/enis_with_a_p
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2015
🚨︎ report
Dad pulled this one on me in the mall parking lot

"Hey amnesiajune, where did we park?"

"Uhh... 2A or 2B"

"2B or not 2B... Thats the question!"

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amnesiajune
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2014
🚨︎ report
Going to the mall with my dad

We get to the front doors and he says, "Let me get the door for you." He just steps on the pad to open the automatic doors.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/desertsmowman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2014
🚨︎ report
While shoe shopping at the mall.

Me: Why can't I ever find my size?! Are my feet just freakishly huge?

Dad: (smiling) well you know what they say about guys with big feet right?

Me: (smirking) what?

Dad: (with a straight face) big socks....

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWierdSide
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2014
🚨︎ report
Mom tells story of a man in Alaska who proposed to his girlfriend using a mall Santa

Aunt: "How cool!" Dad: "Of course it's cool, it's Alaska!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Timbofieseler102
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2013
🚨︎ report
Outlet malls

I'm a dad, so this counts right?

Some coworkers were discussing outlet malls when I piped up, "I don't know why people make such a big deal about them. I think Home Depot has the best price on outlets."

The eyerolls were deafening.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2013
🚨︎ report
Overheard while having lunch in a shopping mall...

Dad to his son: "Did you see that really expensive football? (soccer) Son to Dad "Yeah! It's the world cup ball!" Dad to Son "Well what are they going to play with at the world cup then?!"

He laughed for a long time. So did I.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sprucay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2014
🚨︎ report
Gf and I were walking the mall

When this young teenage girl came up to her and asked her a few questions about modeling, just giving her speech.

Model - "How old are you? Are you interested in a modeling career?"

Gf- "no I'm sorry. Thank you."

We continued waking and she told me what the girl said. I turned to my gf and, in a thick Russian accent, said to her...

"what? You no want to be a MALLDEL?"

I couldn't stop laughing at that one.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bucsfann20
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2014
🚨︎ report
Every year at the seasonal Hickory Farms mall kiosk...

Dad: So I heard they're opening up a Hickory Farms in Israel. Do you know what they're calling it?

Bemused Clerk: No, what?

Dad: Cheeses of Nazareth.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zedlok
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2013
🚨︎ report
Got hit with one while walking in the mall.

We're roaming around the mall and we pass a Kirkland's. For those of you that don't know, Kirkland's sells furniture and decorations. My friend goes, "Wait, what's that store?" I tell him that's a home-y store. He his me with, "Oh, I didn't know we were in the ghetto, we'd better get out of this area. It's not safe."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2013
🚨︎ report

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