You've seen one, you've seen 'em-all
I replied, "I am"
Once you've seen one, you've seen the mall.
I guess there were malfunctioning mall functions.
Guess you can't win the mall
Apparently he cot the mall.
No, but I've seen most of 'em.
(My father used this one every time we passed an enclosed shopping center. I wanted to die.)
It was 9:50 PM and the giant shopping center near the Pokémon trainer’s home closed at 10 PM. He was driving very fast to try and make it. Of course, he got pulled over. The officer approached the car and asked, “Why were you going so fast, sir?”
His reply, “Well officer, I gotta catch a mall.”
On the way home, we passed a shopping center. My wife saw a Master Cuts, and Super Cuts, and asked me if they were related in some way. I replied, "Of course they are, they have the same last name!"
Her face said it all!
I'm thinking of opening a shopping center which specializes in only the stores you can never seem to find when you want them. For instance:
- New Navy
- Half Foods
- Over Armor
- Paper Clips
- 49 Cent Store
- Seniors R Us (really old stuff like antiques)
- Tom & Harry's Sporting Goods
- Pier 99 Exports
- Yankee Light Bulb
- O.M.G. Monday's
- Due Pizza (It's Italian, not Spanish)
- Rhode Island Closets (they are very small)
- Open Space (think about it)
If you seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Me: "What about this shopping center? Its got a Waffle House, a sushi place, a burger place and a Verizon wireless. "
Wife: "What would we get at the Verizon store? "
Me: "Not alot. They charge by the byte."
Groans were had, but I couldn't stop smiling for the rest of lunch.
She sent a photo of an alpaca at our local shopping center to him on Whatsapp to which he replied "awesome... alpaca bag and be right over!"
"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for the use of words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless." A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location. This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.
Here goes...
.. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
.. The batteries were given out free of charge.
.. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
.. A will is a dead giveaway.
.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
.. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
.. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
.. Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
.. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.
.. A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.
.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.
.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
And the cream of the twisted crop:
.. Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
*Khakis: What you need to start the car in Boston.
*Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
*Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.
*What do you call a cow who gives no milk? ...A milk dud (or an udder failure)
*There was a terrible fight reported in our local shopping center. It just so happened that a news reporter from one of our local stations was there to record the entire episode. It was an altercation between a prominent dentist and a manicurist. Their disagreement escalated to the point that they wound up fighting each other tooth and nail.
*The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn't the sole owner - there were strings attached.
*I recently saw a theatrical performance on puns... turned out, it was just a play on words!
*Have you ever tried watching a magician with an anger management problem? Every time he gets mad, he pulls his hare out!
*If you lose your hearing, is it ear replaceable? -Just wondering
*Harvard has long been known for its championship Rowing team – until this year. They had their first ever indecisive rower... he couldn’t choose either oar.
*I found an excellent seamstress who is so enthusiastic about her work that she's happy to make a pair of pants for you …or at least sew its seams.
*No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
*I bought a new weed whacker yesterday & it is cutting-hedge technology!
*Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
*I read about a recent fire at the circus. The heat was in tents.
*I was saddened to hear that our local bakery was going out of business. They said they had decided to stop making donuts after they got tired of the hole thing.
*I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.
*Why do seagulls fly over the sea? …Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!!
*I wonder if their manure spreader is the only equipment John Deere won't stand behind.
*I saw a very emotional wedding recently... even the cake was in tiers!
*I'm glad I'm not a cross-eyed teacher... otherwise I'd find it too difficult to control my pupils!
*What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window? ...Snow and Tell
*I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
*The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.
*What kind of math do Snowy Owls like? …Owlgebra
*What
... keep reading on reddit ➡We happened to pass by a used bike shop. He says "Look, there's a reCYCLING center right there."
Saw a dad at the local shopping center today. He had a shirt that just said 'Cheeses of Nazerath'. I want it.
You've seen the mall
You've seen the mall.
You’ve seen the mall!
...if you've went to one, you went to the mall.
If you've seen one you've seen the mall!
