I’ve got a device consisting of a circular canopy of pink fish on a folding metal frame supported by a central rod, used as protection against rain.

Now I have salmonella.

(I’m sorry, it’s a fishy joke)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eriknobeats
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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I accidentally turned a wrong valve in the factory which disabled the central cooling system and increased the temperature abruptly. I wasn't able to do anything, so I fled the scene immediately.

The police are now charging me for a 'Heat and Run' incident.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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Dad, I can't seem to spell the sovereign state in central Europe.

Dad: "That's because you have Spellczech turned off"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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Top of my fridge is now pun central.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Azar002
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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Ive never been to central europe,

but I might czech it out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SOMEDUDEKILL
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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My friend was leading his wild, shaggy-haired ox thru the mountains of central Asia when it projectile vomited all over his feet!

It yakked on his shoes!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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I've been fired from Comedy Central and from Pizza Hut

Something about delivery the screwing up.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/7_Pillars
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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What do you call chubby people from Central and Eastern Russia?

Siberian Huskies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gradymegalania
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
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There's a little known country in central Europe that is ruled by a monarchy...

Not many people are aware of its existence but I assure that it is there all the same. The king of this little land faces a lot of difficulty. He wants to make his kingdom into a sovereign nation but unfortunately they do not have the infrastructure, population, or economy to do so. In fact, this small state is only known for a single export. Thanks to their proximity to some of the finest gold and other metals in the world but total lack of an ability to process those metals on a mass scale, they have been left with only one option. You know the saying; when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Make lemonade they did. This tiny territory is renowned for creating the highest quality watches in the world. No expense is spared and their elite group of craftsmen train for their entire lives from childhood to produce these terrific timepieces. Men of great wealth and taste have been known to trade entire fortunes for just a single one of these watches; that is how valuable they are.

The king knows this and he knows that only a small portion of his populace can ever hope to become one of the respected elite, let alone hold one of their masterpieces in their own hands. Being a very just and fair man, the king ordered the most senior watchmaker in the land to create something the likes of which had never been seen. A watch of such great craftsmanship so as to be above monetary value. The man labored long and hard for many nights to produce the king's watch. When he at last presented the completed work to his lord - in front of the entire nation, no less - he was met with thunderous applause and a warm embrace. He had done it! The king then made a shocking announcement.

"This masterpiece belongs to my people!"

When the roaring of the crowd died down he continued.

"This watch shall be a symbol of my love for all of you. Though I rule over you with supreme authority I do not wish a single one of you to feel that you do not have a voice in the ruling of this nation. From this day on let anyone who doubts my decisions or questions my judgment wear this watch and stand as my equal to voice their concerns. Should even a single one of you think me unfair or wrong in any matter then simply come to my castle and I will present you this token of good faith."

The king made good on his word and from that day on all citizens knew they held the right to challenge their king's rulings. Over time the watch became a symbol of fairness throughout the land. Anyone who wore it

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2016
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What do you call a central asian obsessive fan?

A kazakh stan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/castleblocks
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
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Me: I hate having to jack up my car because there's no central place to put the jack so it takes twice as long.

My Dad: (without missing a beat) Man, that's jacked up...see what I did there?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gingerCB
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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I play chess online with a guy that lives in a small land-locked country in Central Europe.

He’s my Czech-mate.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
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How does the colour of a pine tree change in central China?

It starts beige-ing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CVSSR
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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Did you hear about that seating spot in Central Park that says β€œGimme More” on it?

It's Britney bench

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clifwith1f
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
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What do you call an ex-comedy-central comedian's favorite organ?

The John Oliver

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTeaPod
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2017
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I made friends with a guy from Central Europe on chess.com earlier

He's my czech mate

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinie_Snipah
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2015
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Central Florida bartender dad jokes a granddad.

Setting:waterfront bar/restaraunt.

Granddad: "you guys get a lot of manatees in here?"

Me: "no sir, they can't fit through the door"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tophOCMC
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2014
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