People call me self centered

But that's enough about them

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My self-centered friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn't afford the bill.

He really got a head of himself.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why were Loki's powers centered around creating illusions?

It allows him to be low-key with his mischiefs.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me that a sci-fi horror series centered around geek culture could never make it big in the public sphere.

But I've seen stranger things.

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Memes are so self-centered
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a color-blind, poor person spell β€˜centered’?

E

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SpetsnazUnit18
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I appreciate this ad campaign centered around a pun
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nbarlam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a self-centered criminal going down a flight of stairs?

A condescending con descending

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_Sheev
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
🚨︎ report
What’s the most self centered fish?

A sailfish.

My 4 yr old daughter told me this joke. She’s a better dad joker than I am. So proud of her.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/upstom
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Urologists are the most self centered doctors;

they're all about number one.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bart-O-Kavanaugh
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I want to create a game centered around concentric circles...

I just don't know who my target audience would be.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/corban
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Being a female client centered restaurant without a TV, this is the chalkboard that we have up today.
πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aoisenshi
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2015
🚨︎ report
I went to the rock-wall place but my debit card was declined, so I had to pay with the coins in my car’s center console.

It was my climb-it change.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CarterLawler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to the garden center today and bought a Christmas Tree.

The assistant asked me, β€œWill you be putting that up yourself?” I replied, β€œNo, I’ll be putting it up in my living room.”

πŸ‘︎ 273
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/forstuvetankel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a hamster?
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
How about those shopping centers?

You've seen one, you've seen 'em-all

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BamaPaul
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m thinking about opening a plastic surgery center

I will call it β€œPick Your Nose”

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/speek_ez
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad Joke Research Center

My 14yo son drew this comic on his whiteboard, someone said I ought to post it here.

https://www.reddit.com/r/JakesDoorComics/comments/j2f29l/dad_joke_research_center/

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alanstanwyk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I frantically rushed to the computer service center to repair my storage device before it died

It was a hard drive

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chronoz42
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s at the center of a manta ray?

The manticore

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderAlex2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
The cake shows up to the talent show and takes center stage. When the judge asks what is his talent. He replies...

"Icing"

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IronHusker88
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
If Father Christmas played soccer, what position would he play ?

Santa forward.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
The 'i' of the hurricane is exactly at the center of the word
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BoBoAngstyZebra
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a duck at my local rehab center.

I asked and he said he’s there because he’s a recovering quack addict.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the-real-Mr-Toast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
So proud of my 6 year old. While teaching her to hit a softball, I told her to β€œsquare up on the ball”

She replied β€œthe ball is round daddy” (with a straight face) So I tell her β€œno, what I mean is, get mad! I want you to hit the ball really hard like if you were mad at it!”

She grabs the ball, stares right at it and says β€œI’M REALLY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, BALL!” Then throws it right back at me.

Proud dad moment.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Itsjorgehernandez
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Somebody stopped me the other day in the shopping center and said "oh, sorry, i thought you were someone else" .

I replied, "I am"

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I stepped into this group and found myself in the center of a... pundemic
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/puppylove1000
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I just saw a ship builder hit a guy with a structure that runs along the center of a ship's bottom...

He keeled the other fellow just like that!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend the photographer always trims the outer edges of his pictures to be curved so that every edge is equidistant from the center...

He liked making crop circles.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to make a dad joke about the center of the earth...

but I’m above that.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/engineerwho_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
You always have to keep your job exciting.

Being a well driller, I often dream I could drill right to the center of the earth.

If I didn't have such a great imagination my job would be just boring.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leyline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the man buy a tire storage center?

It was in his wheelhouse

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Singer_Spectre
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Help!! Creative Minds Needed!!

My Dad has recently shown a fascination with space and NASA. Long story short, Christmas is coming up and my plan is to surprise him with an all expense paid trip to Florida for 4 days with passes to the Kennedy Space Center. I’d schedule it around a launch so he would be able to see it in person. As well as checking out the area a bit since we’re there.

Which is where I need your help! I want to coordinate hints with presents that slightly hint at the trip. For example, I picked out a NASA tshirt, a space shuttle plush toy, assorted astronaut ice cream, socks that have planets and a rocket on them, mug that says β€œcoolest dad in the galaxy,” a map/atlas of florida, and luggage tags. And the final gift I’m thinking will be a letter that puts all the clues together and would include the plane tickets, car rental agreement, hotel confirmation, and the admission tickets in an envelope.

Can anyone give me ideas on what hints to use??

  • I’m still adding/taking away present ideas so if anyone has any better ideas please let me know!!

Thank you so much!! Any type of help is appreciated!! I don’t really have that β€œcreative” part of the mind... whether it be a rhyme or dad joke-y type hint, it doesn’t matter!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new sign they put on the lawn of the rehab center?

It says β€œKeep off the grass”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommyWiseaus_butt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens in the poke center stays in the pokecenter
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fawaffle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Found at Indian Hills Community Center
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BennettDc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend tried to get me to join his MLM scheme of selling devices for establishing a horizontal line by means of a bubble in a liquid that shows adjustment to the horizontal by movement to the center of a glass tube...

It'd make cents off so many levels.

/edit:rephrased punchline

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Indian Hills Community Center - Colorado
πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptnMesoAmerica
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
The National Center for Disease Control just downgraded the coronavirus.

They say it’s a corona lite virus now.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MC_Minnow
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The guy who paints the center line down the highway came into my deli for a quick bite...

He had to dine and dash.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What US state is round on the sides but tall in the center?

oHIo

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
When the teacher asked where the apple's seeds are located, little Johnny said "the center."

She said, "that's almost core-rect."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Shopping centers, you've seen one

You've seen the mall

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Once you've seen one shopping center...

You've seen the mall.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RobertT1222
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.