He said, "Maybe they'll marry each other?"
"Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age."
The doctor then replied "i know, i amputated your arms."
...don’t you mean “pair o’ medics”?
Mum : you're the daym doctor and this wasn't funny the first time
Names him "Dawson".
I guess you could say there were pirates of the Care-I-Be-In.
I hear it’s cause they don’t want Covid going around....
I said, they absolutely have space- he’s only 20 inches and 6 lbs. [holding my hands up showing how small he is].
We named him Carson.
I told him; ‘Surgery’.
In the ICU.
Last time I leave the plunger in the toilet .
The restaurant had free delivery
The ultrasound guy.
I guess you could say he always delivered.
I told her I thought the baby was the proof himself.
I can’t believe I’ve been pronouncing it wrong all this time.
Edit: this joke was straight up stolen from professional comedian Nick Nemeroff. I heard it on the radio so I didn’t have his name handy and thought it was awesome for this sub and had to post it before I forgot it. Thanks to Nick for commenting here below so that I could give him credit.
I had to climb out of the sunroof.
I should have seen the signs.
Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”
“That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!”
A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!”
“That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!”
A nurse tells the third man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!”
“That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!”
The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What’s wrong?” the others ask.
“I work for 7 Up!”
Doctors without boarders.
It’s in a corona-logical order.
The Doctor told him it was a brief-case.
I was dad on arrival.
.......His condition is now known to be 'Stable'
He said it felt really apalling
Because of Tuber-colosis heh
He was peeling really bad! Hahaha!!
Because they’re patient
Father: "So, how does it feel being a dad?"
Son: "It feels good. I'm a bit scared of course, but so excited at the same time. How does it feel being a grandfather?"
Father: "It feels pretty great. You've always been a good son and I've been patiently waiting for this special moment. There's something now that I have to give you."
The son watches curiously as his father pulls a large tome out of his backpack with exquisite text on the cover: 'The Big Book of Dad Jokes'.
Father: " For generations these sacred texts have been passed down through the patriarchs of our family. My father gave it to me when you were born and now, as a new father yourself, I bestow it to you. With this book you will have all the knowledge needed to become a truly great Dad."
Son: " Wow, Dad, this is amazing! Truly! I'm... I'm honored."
The father smiles as he extends his arm out to shake his son's hand and says,
"Nice to meet you, Honored. I'm Dad."
He thought about it for a bit and said "I am off-duty in 10mins, meet me in the car park"
Doctor: Stephen with a "ph"?
Nurse: Yes, a low one.
Luckily, I was only grazed.
I named him Carson
They told me "You're the doctor and this wasn't funny the first time".
I know that the doctor said; We have amputated your arms....
The doctor replied, “I know. I amputated your arms!”