I had an appointment with two physicians. They told me, β€œthe more pain you experience, the better you will feel.”

What a strange pair-a-docs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
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To my surprise, my physician was the Mediterranean Sea

I guess C’s really do get degrees

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VockellBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02
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Physicians work alone, or in mid-sized teams

because two of them together would be a paradox.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ May 15
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Why are blood physicians so rich

Because blood cells

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cowardflame
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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It’s weird that my sister and brother both became physicians.

Yeah, they’re a real pair o’ docs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
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A rich patient told his doctor that money was no problem: "Please give me some good news." "Okay then," said the physician...

"But I'll have to tell that to your widow."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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My physician recently went broke buying TV commercials recklessly.

Against my better judgement, I followed my doctor's advice.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MysteryOrange7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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As a Physician I love checking for peoples reflexes,

I get a real kick out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darkorchids
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2018
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I never trust any photos shown to me by physicians...

They are all doctored.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drewmighty
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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The general physician wanted to focus mainly on fractures and spent a lot of money advertising for them.

She wanted to go for broke

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
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What did the judge say to the physician cooking multiple dishes at a stir-fry competition when time ran out?

Woks up, doc

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hello_Kitty07
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2017
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My physician refuses to treat me due to all the junk in my house....

....guess I shouldn't go to Doctors Without Hoarders......

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ultra-saurus
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2016
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What do you get when you have sex with a female physician?

Doctor Strange

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kpodborny356
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2016
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Chairman Mao once sought to become a physician

Unfortunately, his dreams were dashed by a bout of Mao-practice.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/derwiki
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2016
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Why did the 14th century physician drop out of medical school?

Because he had no sense of humors

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnfunnyClinician
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2015
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How do you tell apart two identical twin physicians?

You can't, they're a pair-a-docs!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ratherbeastly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2015
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You have reached the pregnancy hotline...

If you'd like to speak to a physician, dial 1... if you are currently in labor, dial 8...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/profgarden
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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During my trip to Madrid I was staying at this small motel when I grew pretty ill. Thankfully the people at the front desk sent the on call doctor over and he was able to fix me up real quick. I told him I didn't expect such a small place to have such a good doctor, to which he told me

Nobody expects the Spanish Inn Physician

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RKO-Cutter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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What do you call a dictionary on drugs?

Addictionary

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Khevan_YT
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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I started to worry that I drink too much soda and need an intervention

Come to find out, I'm just a Diet Coke-head

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klown_13
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2018
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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Dad joke in ER

Last night, my girlfriend's grandma was admitted to a nearby hospital for a heart rhythm abnormality. The admitting physician was a great guy, and concluded his admission assessment with a spontaneous, and entirely unrelated, dad joke.

"Did you hear about the two burglars who stole a calendar? They each got six months."

He promptly dropped his stethoscope and left. Boom.

πŸ‘︎ 164
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2014
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Pad your repertoire with these
  1. ARBITRAITOR A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's
  2. BERNADETTE The act of torching a mortgage.
  3. BURGLARIZE What a crook sees through
  4. AVOIDABLE What a bullfighter tries to do
  5. EYEDROPPER Clumsy ophthalmologist
  6. CONTROL A short, ugly inmate.
  7. COUNTERFEITER Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
  8. ECLIPSE What an English barber does for a living.
  9. LEFT BANK What the bank robbers did when their bag was full of money.
  10. HEROES What a man in a boat does
  11. PARASITES What you see from the Eiffel Tower
  12. PARADOX Two physicians
  13. PHARMACIST A helper on a farm
  14. POLARIZE What penguins see through
  15. PRIMATE Remove your spouse from in front of TV
  16. RELIEF What trees do in the spring
  17. RUBERNECK What you do to relax your wife
  18. SELFISH What the owner of a seafood store does
  19. SUDAFED Brought litigation against a government official
  20. PARADIGMS 20 cents
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πŸ‘€︎ u/David_Crockett
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad just e-mailed me a list of definitions:
  1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds

  2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do

  3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage

  4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with

  5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate

  6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

  7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living

  8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist

  9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does

  10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money

  11. MISTY: How golfers create divots

  12. PARADOX: Two physicians

  13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower

  14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm

  15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with

  16. PRIMATE:

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnideRemarkDept
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2013
🚨︎ report
Got in a car accident and went to the hospital.

I had some pain in my side, so i figured i'd rather be safe than sorry, so I went to the ER. The physician was doing an ultrasound to check for internal injuries, and he was like, "so that's your spleen, we check for this black line right there. This here is your kidney, which looks fine." and I replied "You gotta be kiddin-ney."

my mom thought it was funny as hell.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poptart2nd
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2015
🚨︎ report
My favorite patient

I work in an urgent care center. A patient signed in for a stuffy nose for 2 days. They asked how long the wait was and I said about 15 mins, the person rolled their eyes and walked out. I let the physician know that they walked out. She said "That's always good for their health" I said "Well they were my favorite kind of patient."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplesn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2015
🚨︎ report
Secretary yelled at my mom & dad, hit her with this gem

Before I was born my parents lived in Philadelphia. My mom was about 7 months along when they were referred by a friend of a friend to this pediatrician who was top notch. They were on their way for the first visit to the new doctors and they were running late. They walked into a crowded waiting room and went to the front glass and checked in. The secretary started yelling at my mother and father saying this is Dr. so and so, he is a top class physician, people wait years to get on his waiting list, AND YOU'RE LATE!

And my father goes "OF COURSE SHES LATE THATS HOW YOU END UP AT A PEDIATRICIAN'S OFFICE!"

Even the secretary cracked a smile as everyone else groaned and laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Honeydipper_Dan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2014
🚨︎ report

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