The World Health Organizatuon has discovered that Coronavirus cannot be transmitted between dogs and humans. They have released all quarantined dogs.

To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

πŸ‘︎ 295
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
🚨︎ report
There was an old hermit who lived in a cave and walked a lot, but didn't have shoes. He also didn't have the greatest health and had really bad breath. They called him the:

Super Calloused Fragile Mystic Plagued with Halitosis.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/l8rry394
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
Visiting my parents for the first time since COVID. He has taken up cropdusting people and proclaiming, "Surprise health check." To make sure you can smell and/or taste still.

Sorry not a witty one-liner but peak of dad humor.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Infuuri
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15
🚨︎ report
The World Health Organization has declared that dogs cannot transmit the Corona Virus and should not be quarantined any longer.

W.H.O. Lets the dogs out!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rgapinski
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
Hats off to all the doctors and health care professionals
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Harami_nobita
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
🚨︎ report
The World Health Organization has determined that dogs cannot contract COVID-19. All dogs being held in quarantine will be released.

To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tregratinator
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
My son turned 27, so he's no longer covered by my health insurance.

In other words, his manufacturer's warranty is up.

πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MookieV
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
Mental health hotline.

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.

If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
The World Health Organization has declared that dogs can’t transmit corona virus and therefore dogs don’t need to be quarantined anymore.

W.H.O let the dogs out.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zuckerschneggle
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
World Health
πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
My English skills and mental health need improvement, but my math skills are fine.

Me grammar sucks and i is imaginary.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bdiscer
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams...

One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.

His wife answered the door.

"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."

"That much?"

"But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."

"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350." the man countered.

"Sorry..." she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
Do you know the World Health Organisation?

WHO?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Euphoric_Stigma
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released.

To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jakeataylorr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
The World Health Organization has said that dogs cannot get COVID19, so they have said dogs are not required to be in quarantine.

So, WHO let the dogs out.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SisterRay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
I told someone I was donating to the world health organization for COVID awareness...

They replied "You're donating to WHO?"

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CringeChilly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
Why is there confusion over the health of North Korea’s leader?

When the reporter asked the doctor β€œhow is Kim Jong Un?”

Doctor replied: Kim Jong Ill

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/herotz33
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
Just casual exchange with coworker in the health field.
πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/funkyunicorn12
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01
🚨︎ report
Dogs can not contract coronavirus and do not have to quarantined anymore according to the world health organization

To clarify, WHO let the dogs out

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wallaster27
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
In interest of my health, I've stopped putting sauce on my potato dumplings.

I'm eating my gnocchi bare.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
Now that I have more time, I’ve decided to take care of my health and eat a more balanced diet.

I haven’t dropped any food so far!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StCecilia98
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
Who manages our health?

Who?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/In5idiu5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
The World Health Organization changes their slogan.

W.H.O. Cares

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UofTCadet
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11
🚨︎ report
Me: According to the World Health Organization...

My dad: WHO?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rms1111
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
What did the ignorant man say when he heard the Corona virus had been given a new name by the world health organisation

WHO?

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hetchem994
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
🚨︎ report
The World Health Organization has declared that dogs cannot transmit Coronavirus, and there is no reason to quarantine dogs anymore. /r/Jokes/comments/fe5cmp/…
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
My health insurance company refused to pay my bill because I believe in reincarnation.

They said I have a pre existing condition.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15
🚨︎ report
My friend goes from town to town preaching the health benefits of eating dried grapes every day.

It’s all about raisin awareness l

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I failed a health and safety course yesterday. One of the questions was β€˜in the event of a fire, what steps would you take?’

β€˜Large ones’ was apparently the wrong answer.

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pheebsbrown
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
The Novel Coronavirus has become a worldwide health emergency

WHO cares

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the World Health Organization?

The WHO?

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SensitiveStranger
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My health conscious date asked me how many liters are there in a glass of coke.

I said 4 liters, 9 if you include the glass.

She said: "What!?"

Me: Yea.

Liter C.

Liter O.

Liter K.

Liter E.

πŸ‘︎ 104
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Decrith
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
A new study reveals that listening to a Queen album might be bad for your health.

Because of the unusually high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
🚨︎ report
2 Health bars
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aubujake
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I met a wise man who could make predictions about your oral health.

He was a real toothsayer.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BananaBarfer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
Can you help me come up with some jokes for a mental health workshop?

I have to give a workshop on anxiety and depression today and I would like to have some jokes locked in to defuse the tension if needed. I usually don't have much trouble to come up with dad jokes on the go, but it would be nice to have some in the back burner. Thanks!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/versung
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I was trying to get help for my mental health issues, but the guy helping me turned out to be completely crazy

He was a psycho therapist

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DutchBlob
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Quick health warning: You can’t touch this.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
🚨︎ report
An online community promoting men's sexual health called, "testismonials"
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/muskan92
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m a bit uneducated. Whenever the World Health Organization is in the news…

I gotta ask β€œWHO?”

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deceze
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I found a T Shirt from the Respiratory Health summer camp my Mom went to from 25+ years ago..
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KoopaTroopa43
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Something I thought of to teach people a distinction in health. Is this a dad joke?

Idk how this came to me the other day but I was thinking, if someone has a hard time remembering the difference between type 1 and type 2 diabetes, they can say this:

Type 1 is diabeetus of the fetus

Type 2 is diabeetus cause you eatus

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/K3TtLek0Rn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What was the health conscious, drug addict's favourite drink?

Pill lattes.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JamalalAtete
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
🚨︎ report
All forms of smoking suck and drinking leads to pour health.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
🚨︎ report
The World Health Organization is hosting a new event to show their thoughtfulness and concern for human health

The event will be affectionately named WHO Cares

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/197708156EQUJ5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Monitors your health
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mounis11
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Birthdays are good for your health

Studies have proven that people who have more of them live longer.

πŸ‘︎ 191
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCheshireCody
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Health Class
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JHNHYWRD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I met a strange man the other day really trying to sell me the health benefits of inhaling helium.

He spoke very highly off it.

πŸ‘︎ 88
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cockplops
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2018
🚨︎ report
what do health conscious zombies use for sandwiches?

whole brain bread

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shatguy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
A recent study shows that watching Bohemian Rhapsody multiple times might not be good for your health.

Because of the unusually high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
mental health

A guy walks into a psychiatrists office dressed only in plastic wrap. The psychiatrist takes one look at him and says "Well, I can see your nuts."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Boop108
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an Irish man with chronic mental health issues who manages to keep bouncing back?..

Rick O'Shea

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RaymonDGYC
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
[request] Puns about drinks that can be related to mental health disorders/moods

Example: Depresso, Anxietea

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/keat123
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I found this in my Health book, idk why.. reddit.com/user/ImDeadIns…
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Tell you what, when I see a full moon, I'm thankful for my health. You see, I used to be a werewolf...

... but I'm alright nnnNNAAAAAWWWOOOOOOOOOO-AOW-AOW-AWWWOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo!

(Told this to my wife when we were walking through a city at night with a full moon and she actually ran off at full speed, leaving me stood there feeling like a moron...)

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madlarkin001
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
🚨︎ report
My grandma had a health scare while playing Bingo with her friends.

It turned out to B9.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report
How are the veterinarians specializing in pigs' health called?`

Oinkologists.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pleasenerfdruids
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What do alcoholic sing when they don't care about their health?

Liver let die

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Out of the blue, I decided to take my wife to a commercial establishment offering health and beauty treatment through such means as steam baths, exercise equipment, and massage

You could say the decision was pretty spa-radic

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Avasnay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm firing the man who looks after my allotment on mental health grounds

He's losing the plot.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My store is giving away a first aid bag with the purchase of 3 health items.

The health items aren’t much, but the bag is a big plus!

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/An-Ex-Parrot9
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Cardio is good for your health in the long run

.

πŸ‘︎ 181
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
🚨︎ report
If smoking is so bad for your health, then how come it cures salmon?
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fill-Chapo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: β€œI work for the World Health Organization” My friend: β€œWHO?”
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/halagabir
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Who is concerned with international public health?

They sure are!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ailyara
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Found this gem on a public health truck
πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RichardFister
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were talking about starting a family and all the health things you're supposed to do like not eat processed sliced meats. Unfortunately she currently eats a turkey sandwich most days for her lunch.

I told her she better start trying alternatives soon, it's going to be hard to quit eating her current lunch cold turkey.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-stormageddon-
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Serious question about the Universal Canadian health care...

Does it cover poutine check ups?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aquatrout
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I've started taking placebo pills for my health problems...

I think they're working.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nurdy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2017
🚨︎ report
I was asked to deliver the inaugural speech for this health food conference.

Really enjoyed being the quinoa speaker.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shrik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I hear Trump's really russian to pass that health care bill
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2017
🚨︎ report
Went for a health checkup today and found out I have the ability to predict the future.

Doctor says I have 2020 vision.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zendathegreat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Mr. Van Gogh, the good news is that you are in excellent health.

Bad News: You have one ear to live.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Having breaking news every day has got to be great for the health of newspaper companies.

I hear they're good for circulation.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WabbleDave
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Why are people that hate Westerners good for your health?

Because they're anti-Occidents.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/internationalfish
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2017
🚨︎ report
The World Health Organization

I was having a conversation with a friend about exercise and it goes a little something like this.

Friend: Did you know that the World Health Organization recommends at least 180 minutes of moderate to vigorous exercise?

Me: with a grin on my face Who?

Friend: The World Health Organization.

Me: again with same expression Who?

Friend: getting annoyed THE WORLD HEAL... shoots me the dirtiest look

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spinner899
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2016
🚨︎ report
Astronauts on the ISS are always in perfect health.

They are never under the weather.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2017
🚨︎ report
I went to the health food store and asked for lavender oil. They said they didn't have it.

I said "But it's essential."

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/werdnadrew
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2017
🚨︎ report
I almost got fired from my job at the health shop today.

But they let me off with a herbal warning.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2017
🚨︎ report
The latest Hollywood health craze is to regularly drink a mixture of almond milk and milk of magnesia.

It's called a Blue Diamond Phillips.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GRWeston
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
🚨︎ report
All dermatologists are in pore health.
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dotonfire
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2016
🚨︎ report
I'm thinking about making a line of health food products...

I would only use traditional German recipes.

I would call it "Gluten Tag".

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JinglesRasco
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2016
🚨︎ report
Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.

One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.

His wife answered the door.

"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."

"That much?"

"But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."

"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350." the man countered.

"Sorry..." she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report

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