Do you know why nursing is a woman's job?

Because men can't breastfeed.

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📅︎ Oct 24 2020
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How much does a nursing home weigh?

Tons of grams

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👤︎ u/zsm1994
📅︎ Oct 06 2020
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I have to agree with the people who say nursing is a woman's job.

Men can't exactly breastfeed.

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📅︎ Jun 03 2020
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Why did the nurse give Viagra to all the old men in the nursing home?

. . . To keep them from rolling over and falling off the bed. Kick stand.

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📅︎ Jun 30 2019
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What does a nursing home smell like?

Depends

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📅︎ Apr 02 2018
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I work in a nursing home. A diabetic schizophrenic I always give sugar free life savers to just said, "You haven't brought me any damn candy all day!" I replied, " I just got here, you need to be patient."

She said,"I am a damn patient!!"

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📅︎ Oct 17 2018
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You know what I wanna do once I graduate from nursing school?

Be a midhusband

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📅︎ Mar 10 2019
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Why did the nursing home smell?

Because it was filled with Old Farts.

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👤︎ u/2000B_C
📅︎ Feb 01 2018
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Nursing these jokes

Since my wife has been breastfeeding our third child, it's occurred to me, this is the only situation in which she's ever looked forward to a let-down.

She's also been expressing herself quite well.

Yes, I've been milking this for all it's worth.

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📅︎ Mar 26 2017
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So I told my dad i was applying for nursing school...

Dad: I'm sure you 'll make a great farmer Me:i said nursing Dad: oh. Either way I'm sure you'll be out standing in your field. Me... Thanks dad

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👤︎ u/akumite
📅︎ Mar 23 2014
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Accepted to Nursing School... this is what I got... imgur.com/BeFKtlY
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👤︎ u/eflaves
📅︎ Feb 02 2014
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"Daddy, there is a man at the door. He says he is collecting for the nursing home."

"That's perfect. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment."

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📅︎ Jun 15 2017
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First Dad Joke. - I got my 92 year old Grandmother at the nursing home with this one.

My wife and I brought our new daughter to meet my grandmother who lives in a nursing home in another state. This nursing home has a cat and two dogs that also reside there. I only saw one of the dogs, but my grandmother told me that the other one has no tail. I asked "why not?" she said "It's mother bit the tail off." - I said "What a bitch!" It took a moment, then she said. "She IS a bitch." - We both laughed.

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👤︎ u/libertydan
📅︎ Aug 22 2016
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After having dinner in the nursing home.

Gram: It was okay, nothing to write home about. Dad: Then it's a good thing you're already there.

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👤︎ u/HoneyMead
📅︎ Jul 11 2014
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Witnessed my first real dad joke at the nursing home where I work. Told by The Grand Master of Dad Jokes himself.

In the dining room during lunch after giving my elder residents desert which was Angel food cake, everyone noticed that the cake was very flat and thin.

One of the ladies said "This is no angel food cake, this is...."

Without missing a beat, this old man with a patch on his right eye interrupts the little old woman and says at the top of his lungs in a raspy, yet clear tone , "I'll tell you what this is!. It's a fallen angel!"

Everyone in the dining room laughed uncontrollably. Not him. He just shakes his head and digs into the cake.

I immediately thought of you guys.

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👤︎ u/JxWayne
📅︎ Jan 03 2014
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My great-grandfather every day at the nursing home...

Nurse: "How are you feeling today, George?"

Grandpa George: "Sober."

-later-

Cafeteria worker: "What would you like to drink today?"

Grandpa George: "Whiskey."

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👤︎ u/cairaechan
📅︎ Sep 18 2013
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