Nursing Puns

Because men can't breastfeed.

Tons of grams

Men can't exactly breastfeed.

. . . To keep them from rolling over and falling off the bed. Kick stand.

Depends

She said,"I am a damn patient!!"

Be a midhusband

Because it was filled with Old Farts.

Since my wife has been breastfeeding our third child, it's occurred to me, this is the only situation in which she's ever looked forward to a let-down.

She's also been expressing herself quite well.

Yes, I've been milking this for all it's worth.

Dad: I'm sure you 'll make a great farmer Me:i said nursing Dad: oh. Either way I'm sure you'll be out standing in your field. Me... Thanks dad

"That's perfect. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment."

My wife and I brought our new daughter to meet my grandmother who lives in a nursing home in another state. This nursing home has a cat and two dogs that also reside there. I only saw one of the dogs, but my grandmother told me that the other one has no tail. I asked "why not?" she said "It's mother bit the tail off." - I said "What a bitch!" It took a moment, then she said. "She IS a bitch." - We both laughed.

Gram: It was okay, nothing to write home about. Dad: Then it's a good thing you're already there.

In the dining room during lunch after giving my elder residents desert which was Angel food cake, everyone noticed that the cake was very flat and thin.

One of the ladies said "This is no angel food cake, this is...."

Without missing a beat, this old man with a patch on his right eye interrupts the little old woman and says at the top of his lungs in a raspy, yet clear tone , "I'll tell you what this is!. It's a fallen angel!"

Everyone in the dining room laughed uncontrollably. Not him. He just shakes his head and digs into the cake.

I immediately thought of you guys.

Nurse: "How are you feeling today, George?"

Grandpa George: "Sober."

-later-

Cafeteria worker: "What would you like to drink today?"

Grandpa George: "Whiskey."