Amazon Child Care
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/squerly201
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
I need to learn how to take care of my new tree

So I'm going to nursery school.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gideonindc
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
UFO's have been in the news a lot lately but no one seems to care.

Frankly, I think it must be over most people's heads.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/levelologist
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
People who take care of chickens are basically....

Chicken tenders

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryahisbored
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
Someone was talking to me about kitchen utensils, something I really couldn't care for.

I told them to sieve it for someone who cares.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daniel101x
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
Handle With Care
πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PiccoloNeat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
Nobody cares about Golden Retrievers
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm looking for someone to take care of my toddler that doesn't do drugs or smoke cigarettes.

Seriously, he's been teetotal for months now.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
No one cares about me - that's why I can't evaporate

I'm never missed

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shuihoppy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
What did the French snail say when he couldn’t find his care

Where did escargot 🐌

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
"I don't care where those damn cows ran off to."

....said the farmer, callously.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
I usually don't care what other people are saying...

....until they start whispering.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
🚨︎ report
How to call a fish who cares only for oneself?

A selfish.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Idojokes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
🚨︎ report
It’s all taken care of
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LegoSnoopDogg
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œSo, the US is pulling out of the war right? Like, we don’t care about their fighting anymore?”

β€œYemen”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LantzInSpace
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report
I ordered a Hit Man to take care of my business partner the other day.

After a change of heart I cancelled the order, but it was too late.

He'd been despatched.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JimmoBM
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
My elderly neighbor had some landscapers take care of his lawn every weekend for several years. Recently, he hired a new crew, but forgot to fire the old crew. So this weekend they both showed up to mow his lawn, and got into a fight over who should be there.

He had no idea he had started a turf war.

πŸ‘︎ 543
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flash17k
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?

A chicken tender.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpidersInSpanish
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't understand how some people don't care about elephants being an endangered species.

I guess they just find them irrelephant.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HunterZX77
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the geologist care about his foliated metamorphic rock?

He didn’t give a schist.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PahderShameen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't care for cheese.

I'm a curd-mudgeon.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cthulhouette
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Four Seasons Total Lawn Care created some good ones after the bizarre press conference Saturday such as "Lawn and Order" and "Make America Rake Again" - I don't see them using this one on their promotional materials though:
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danarchist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Told my dad I took care of getting the propane tanks at the house filled. His response?

"Tanks a lot!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Missburr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do some types of healthcare professionals only care about themselves?

Because they're nurse assists.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hysnbrg4
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Some say it’s sad that so many kids are shuffled through foster care.

Others might call it reWARDing.

I know. I’m sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/babo_81
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
How much do I care about the environment?

Even the bags under my eyes are reusable.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...

must love it unconditionally.

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jitspoe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My lawn care guy had to give up mowing when his mower broke down.

He just couldn't cut it.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Probably already here but who cares?
πŸ‘︎ 111
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me...

Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Therapists only care about one thing

And it’s fu*king discussing

πŸ‘︎ 142
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scooby_dyver
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My freind: no body cares about car rental company jokes

Me: well that Hertz :’(

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/my-pp-el-fuego
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you call a Sea creature that only cares about himself?

A Selfish

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BananoGamer9000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
These days everyone seems to be going for progressiveness until it comes to something they really care about.

& hence I don't care 'bout anything.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Droyk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
WHO CARES GUYS!?
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ummm_hi69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t care if all of the other giants see me as a big joke for filing a restraining order on a guy I’ve got 75 feet on.

Beanstalked is a serious matter.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VateauxII
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Are you Tina Fey-mished? Would you care for Adele-ectable Meal? Come to Celebrit-Eats

Help me think of more celebrity food puns please!

The menu includes such dishes as:

-Marilyn Mon-roast beef -Patrick Stew-art -Tim Curry -The Cate Blan-cheddar burger -The Audrey Hep-burger -Hayden Panet-tiramisu -Leonard Nim-oysters

Add moreeeee

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tsbroesel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Hats off to all the doctors and health care professionals
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Harami_nobita
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the mathematician take care of his constipation problem?

He worked it out with a pencil.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WittyTurkey715
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dinosaur that takes good care of his teeth?

A floss-o-raptor

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WheezyDaStarfish
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do prematurely born calves go to get care

ICMOO

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do I care that my son’s phone was at 18%?

Cause it was the minimum age of percent.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Last time I was on a flight, the stewardess approached me and asked, β€œSir, would you care for a drink?”

I asked her, β€œwhat are my options?”

She said, β€œyes or no.”

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMikeD1
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call people that care for chickens?

Chicken Tenders

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Samstar123456789
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What are you if you take care of a chicken?

A chicken tender.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/warkun5400
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?

Chicken tenders

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jamesimon75
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the deal with those people who take care of chickens?

Bunch of chicken tenders

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report

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