My wife has been taking a course in advanced electrics and it's taken over her life. Everything she says these days concerns resistors, transformers, circuitry, voltage, ampage etc. All fucking day long, I've tried explaining to her it's driving a wedge between us, but she won't listen to reason.

She just buries her head in the sand like an off switch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
My #1 Concern with my Bear Ranch is...

things could get grizzly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drlolbl
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Got fired as an electrician over safety concerns

But I think their fears were ungrounded

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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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There is a lot of concern amongst the flat earth brigade with regards social distancing.

They’re worried it’s going to push people over the edge......

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrP8978
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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*stares with confusing concern*

Her: what?

Me: ... What IS that?!

Her: what's what?

Me: there's someone on the side of your face...

Her: "what? Oh god, where" proceeds to try to wipe face

Me: right there! .. oh, it's just your ear!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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News broke today that due to salmonella concerns, there is a national recall on just about every type of onion in the united states...

To be honest, I'm not shedding any tears over it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thejohnblog
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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Did you guys hear about AT&T and Verizon dropping out of an upcoming conference due to corona virus concerns?

It’s probably a good thing considering they’re both well-known carriers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dizmodo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I signed up for my company’s 401k but I have one concern

I’m not sure I can run that far

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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International concerns
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KevlarYarmulke
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
A baker has a crumby job, its the yeast of his concerns as he probably just kneads the dough
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_netwinder_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
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The World Health Organization is hosting a new event to show their thoughtfulness and concern for human health

The event will be affectionately named WHO Cares

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πŸ‘€︎ u/197708156EQUJ5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s a horse’s primary concern when voting?

A stable economy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/longshanks7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call transactions made between a lion a witch and a wardrobe that are none of your concern?

Narnia business!

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Souldrax
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2015
🚨︎ report
I guess there have been safety concerns regarding NASCAR's track designs; specifically with the turns. In an attempt to address them, the courses were reversed.

They're all right now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thewilltosucceed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2017
🚨︎ report
Concern over ticks

My wife discovered a tick in our house - likely brought in by the dog after a hike with the family that day. At dinner, it prompted a discussion about the relative risk of Lyme disease and its recent increase in media coverage. My wife made the argument that, while incidents were up, the overall risk is really quite low when you look at actually numbers of incidents. As such, the media coverage is not warranted relative to other safety concerns. My rebuttal:

"Frankly, I think it's about time we had a tick talk"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/canadasecond
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2015
🚨︎ report
New road in Iceland to be halted citing concern for elf habitats.

I was reading through current articles of world news today and came across this relatively lighthearted article. My Father's response made it even better.

Iceland will halt construction of a new road as they have received concerns about the safety of elf habitats.

My father determined that the department responsible for this decision was the "Department of Elf and Safety".

http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-27907358

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πŸ‘€︎ u/calum231
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2014
🚨︎ report
this is a lit-tle concerning
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sxxov
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a scandal concerning a rich engineer where the list of accusations only gets longer and longer over time?

Elongate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thatyougoon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
The wife looked concerned when my son showed an interest in electricals at the age of 5.

He asked about the neutral wire.

I said "don't worry, its just a phase."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/d3adeyeduck
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My boyfriend told me as I walked in β€œhey don’t be alarmed but the toilet is smoking”. Concerned, I walked into the bathroom and found this:
πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slebsta
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
The farmer was very concerned when his cows got into his marijuana crop.

The steaks were high.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
As far as baby chickens are concerned...

Talk is cheep

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Torque appropriated circumstances call for -in kind- repeat applied force when concerned with most of yer dried and salted pork products and jovial responses.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brutalproduct
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling β€œI stepped on a Bee!”

I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...

Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.

Apparently I had dropped one...

Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....

A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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I’m concerned about next year...

I heard it’ll be 2020 too!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dweebken
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm concerned about getting trumped in this election.
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/horrorhoney
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A man came in my tech repair shop complaining his nail had damaged his windows laptop and was concerned it wouldn't work anymore

I told him not to worry- he's only scratched the surface

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Will glass coffins be a success?

Remains to be seen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
A man turns up to a fancy dress party with no costume apart from a naked woman on his back.

He tells the host he has come dressed as a snail.

"But who's the woman?" The host asks, confused.

"Oh, This is Michelle"

This was my 6 year old cousins favourite joke for a while and it still cracks me up especially given the concerned looks the adults share when the joke starts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awkwrdgirl
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.

I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m concerned after catching my son drinking brake fluid.

He says he can stop whenever he wants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cabbithunt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The baker was concerned...

that her bread dough was not rising properly. But that was the yeast of her worries.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend was concerned his children weren't getting very far...

...which is why we built the larger trebuchet.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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What is the most concerning thing about Lyme Disease?

New cases have lately been on an uptick.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FernandoLH95
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
During her first pregnancy my wife was concerned with how much labor was going to hurt.

I told her don't worry about it, he came out of me first and it felt fine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anynamethatworks
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
This this is concerning
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johndeerdrew
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

As far as I'm concerned, he's just asking for trouble!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lodiman77
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I had concerned friends message me
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πŸ‘€︎ u/armpittattoo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A wizard dad became concerned that whenever his son went to the bathroom, he wasn't giving himself privacy.

One day, the dad went to use the bathroom, thinking it was unused. There was a loud crash and he sighed, staring down at the scattered mess on the floor.

"Please, son," he said, "will you quit leaving the door a jar?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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Why weren't Mexicans too concerned about Trump's border wall?

They knew that they would eventually get over it.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weaponG
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Before I became a dad, I was truly concerned that I wouldn't know how to be a good father

Thankfully, turns out it's in my blood. I come from a long line of Fathers.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Get it..?
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cfoster14
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Swedish inventors have created cyborgs which are hard to distinguish from real humans.

Critics are concerned about the use of artificial Swedeners.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Double pun.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MemaholicCreeper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm a turnip, turned down. Concerned, but I don't carrot all. I am what I yam. What am I?

Beets me

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DCCXXVIII
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Are you supposed to pull over for a funeral procession?

Of corpse, please come to a dead stop.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeeSeaBayBee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
It was a it concerning that the zoo had such a low fence for the Bobcat exhibit. We knew we were safe when we realized it was distracted by the Deere next door.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bettaa
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
It's ok to be concerned about this virus.

I mean even the Sun has 'corona-sphere'

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrcheckpointeh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm concerned people aren't staying in and taking the whole stay at home order seriously

Car dealerships have more cars in their lots than ever!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EinHeldenle_Ben
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy was concerned about his chicken crossing the road.

I said his concerns are poultry.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JuteScrap
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
🚨︎ report
You should wear your mask whenever you go to a cemetery in this pandemic.

Cemeteries have a lot of coffin.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/25BicsOnMyBureau
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Really excited to be going to this rock concert, I'd love to crowdsurf but I'm slightly concerned

I might get a bit carried away.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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Do my dough puns make you cringe?

That's the yeast of my concerns

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sajinib
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

As far as I'm concerned, he's just asking for trouble!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lodiman77
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report

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