My wife has been taking a course in advanced electrics and it's taken over her life. Everything she says these days concerns resistors, transformers, circuitry, voltage, ampage etc. All fucking day long, I've tried explaining to her it's driving a wedge between us, but she won't listen to reason.
She just buries her head in the sand like an off switch.
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︎ Mar 18 2021
My #1 Concern with my Bear Ranch is...
things could get grizzly.
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︎ Dec 30 2020
Got fired as an electrician over safety concerns
But I think their fears were ungrounded
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︎ Jul 02 2020
There is a lot of concern amongst the flat earth brigade with regards social distancing.
Theyβre worried itβs going to push people over the edge......
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︎ Sep 06 2020
*stares with confusing concern*
Her: what?
Me: ... What IS that?!
Her: what's what?
Me: there's someone on the side of your face...
Her: "what? Oh god, where" proceeds to try to wipe face
Me: right there! .. oh, it's just your ear!
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︎ Sep 22 2020
News broke today that due to salmonella concerns, there is a national recall on just about every type of onion in the united states...
To be honest, I'm not shedding any tears over it.
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︎ Aug 03 2020
Did you guys hear about AT&T and Verizon dropping out of an upcoming conference due to corona virus concerns?
Itβs probably a good thing considering theyβre both well-known carriers.
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︎ Feb 24 2020
I signed up for my companyβs 401k but I have one concern
Iβm not sure I can run that far
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︎ Oct 22 2019
International concerns
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︎ May 08 2019
A baker has a crumby job, its the yeast of his concerns as he probably just kneads the dough
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︎ Sep 28 2018
The World Health Organization is hosting a new event to show their thoughtfulness and concern for human health
The event will be affectionately named WHO Cares
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︎ Jul 06 2019
Whatβs a horseβs primary concern when voting?
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︎ Aug 06 2018
What do you call transactions made between a lion a witch and a wardrobe that are none of your concern?
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︎ May 06 2015
I guess there have been safety concerns regarding NASCAR's track designs; specifically with the turns. In an attempt to address them, the courses were reversed.
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︎ Jan 13 2017
Concern over ticks
My wife discovered a tick in our house - likely brought in by the dog after a hike with the family that day. At dinner, it prompted a discussion about the relative risk of Lyme disease and its recent increase in media coverage. My wife made the argument that, while incidents were up, the overall risk is really quite low when you look at actually numbers of incidents. As such, the media coverage is not warranted relative to other safety concerns. My rebuttal:
"Frankly, I think it's about time we had a tick talk"
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︎ May 24 2015
New road in Iceland to be halted citing concern for elf habitats.
I was reading through current articles of world news today and came across this relatively lighthearted article. My Father's response made it even better.
Iceland will halt construction of a new road as they have received concerns about the safety of elf habitats.
My father determined that the department responsible for this decision was the "Department of Elf and Safety".
http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-27907358
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︎ Jun 21 2014
this is a lit-tle concerning
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︎ Apr 29 2021
What do you call a scandal concerning a rich engineer where the list of accusations only gets longer and longer over time?
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︎ Jan 24 2021
The wife looked concerned when my son showed an interest in electricals at the age of 5.
He asked about the neutral wire.
I said "don't worry, its just a phase."
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︎ Dec 22 2020
My boyfriend told me as I walked in βhey donβt be alarmed but the toilet is smokingβ. Concerned, I walked into the bathroom and found this:
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︎ Sep 01 2020
The farmer was very concerned when his cows got into his marijuana crop.
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︎ Jan 12 2021
As far as baby chickens are concerned...
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︎ Dec 24 2020
Torque appropriated circumstances call for -in kind- repeat applied force when concerned with most of yer dried and salted pork products and jovial responses.
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︎ Oct 19 2020
True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling βI stepped on a Bee!β
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
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︎ Mar 07 2021
Iβm concerned about next year...
I heard itβll be 2020 too!
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︎ Jan 01 2021
I'm concerned about getting trumped in this election.
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︎ Oct 25 2020
A man came in my tech repair shop complaining his nail had damaged his windows laptop and was concerned it wouldn't work anymore
I told him not to worry- he's only scratched the surface
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︎ Dec 19 2020
Will glass coffins be a success?
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︎ Jan 28 2021
A man turns up to a fancy dress party with no costume apart from a naked woman on his back.
He tells the host he has come dressed as a snail.
"But who's the woman?" The host asks, confused.
"Oh, This is Michelle"
This was my 6 year old cousins favourite joke for a while and it still cracks me up especially given the concerned looks the adults share when the joke starts
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︎ Apr 17 2021
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
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︎ May 24 2021
Iβm concerned after catching my son drinking brake fluid.
He says he can stop whenever he wants.
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︎ Sep 23 2020
The baker was concerned...
that her bread dough was not rising properly. But that was the yeast of her worries.
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︎ Aug 12 2020
My friend was concerned his children weren't getting very far...
...which is why we built the larger trebuchet.
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︎ Sep 14 2020
What is the most concerning thing about Lyme Disease?
New cases have lately been on an uptick.
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︎ Aug 02 2020
During her first pregnancy my wife was concerned with how much labor was going to hurt.
I told her don't worry about it, he came out of me first and it felt fine.
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︎ Jul 16 2020
This this is concerning
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︎ May 23 2020
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.
As far as I'm concerned, he's just asking for trouble!
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︎ May 04 2021
I had concerned friends message me
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︎ Feb 26 2020
A wizard dad became concerned that whenever his son went to the bathroom, he wasn't giving himself privacy.
One day, the dad went to use the bathroom, thinking it was unused. There was a loud crash and he sighed, staring down at the scattered mess on the floor.
"Please, son," he said, "will you quit leaving the door a jar?"
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︎ Jul 29 2020
Why weren't Mexicans too concerned about Trump's border wall?
They knew that they would eventually get over it.
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︎ Oct 25 2019
Before I became a dad, I was truly concerned that I wouldn't know how to be a good father
Thankfully, turns out it's in my blood. I come from a long line of Fathers.
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︎ Dec 18 2018
Get it..?
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︎ Dec 24 2019
Swedish inventors have created cyborgs which are hard to distinguish from real humans.
Critics are concerned about the use of artificial Swedeners.
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︎ Mar 24 2021
Double pun.
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︎ Dec 20 2019
I'm a turnip, turned down. Concerned, but I don't carrot all. I am what I yam. What am I?
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︎ Jan 23 2020
Are you supposed to pull over for a funeral procession?
Of corpse, please come to a dead stop.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
It was a it concerning that the zoo had such a low fence for the Bobcat exhibit. We knew we were safe when we realized it was distracted by the Deere next door.
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︎ Oct 26 2019
It's ok to be concerned about this virus.
I mean even the Sun has 'corona-sphere'
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︎ Mar 18 2020
I'm concerned people aren't staying in and taking the whole stay at home order seriously
Car dealerships have more cars in their lots than ever!
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︎ Mar 26 2020
My buddy was concerned about his chicken crossing the road.
I said his concerns are poultry.
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︎ Mar 04 2020
You should wear your mask whenever you go to a cemetery in this pandemic.
Cemeteries have a lot of coffin.
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︎ Oct 20 2020
Really excited to be going to this rock concert, I'd love to crowdsurf but I'm slightly concerned
I might get a bit carried away.
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︎ Jan 27 2020
Do my dough puns make you cringe?
That's the yeast of my concerns
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︎ Dec 24 2020
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.
As far as I'm concerned, he's just asking for trouble!
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︎ May 05 2021
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