An alternate world where it's illegal to make or even touch puns. Punsmiths are protesting against this.
There's a pun crying to be made here, but I can't put my finger on it.
A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts whenever I touch my face, knee and elbow." The doctor says,
"You've broken your hand."
Walked past a pallet of nacho cheese at Costco today. Looked my daughter in the eye and said, “Dylan, don’t touch”
My girlfriend asked me to feed her anaconda hotdogs while she is out of town. I did, but it wouldn’t touch them. Confused, I called her and asked why
She said: “My anaconda don’t want none unless it has buns, hun”
10 years ago I promised to myself not to touch a drop of drink while I'm at work.
I haven't touched a job since.
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side
There's something that I don't like about "DO NOT TOUCH" signs.
I just can't put my finger on it.
Why would everything be different without a sense of touch?
Because we wouldn’t know how to feel
Son: “Daddy why is that ‘do not touch’ sign there?”
Dad: “I dunno son, I can’t quite put my finger on it.”
My wife asked me to get in touch with my more feminine side
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side
So I crashed the car and didn't talk to her all day for no reason.
I saw a guy going around telling people to touch a naked wire he has been carrying with him.
We all have that on relative who breaks everything they touch. Mine is my...
What do you call a math problem that you can touch and feel?
Sometimes I touch my knees to my chest and lean forward,
The easiest way to get in touch with inner self...
is to buy one ply toilet paper
Just saw a guy touch his cow's udder
I saw a sign that said 'do not touch', however there was something weird about the sign....
I couldn't put my finger on it....
A man had a chainsaw accident and lost 2 fingers. He lost 20% of his touch.
Since I moved to a plant based diet I lost touch with the fun guys.
Something's wrong with my touch screen.
I can’t put my finger on it.
I got in touch with my inner self today.
That's the last time I use cheap toilet paper.
The guy who created the sign "Caution Do Not Touch" in braille,
There’s this really out of touch old janitor that works at my office building.
At least he’s an ok broomer.
My daughter had to stick her hand in a sack to try to guess the type of material by touch...
A genie granted me one wish. I wanted to be rich, but didn't want to deal with the IRS and decided I wanted wealth as I needed it. So I wished for the touch of Midas.
After that, everything I touched turned into a muffler.
Somebody touch a my spaghett
Call me a thermostat because only my dad's allowed to touch me
Quick health warning: You can’t touch this.
Why should you never touch an electric fence
Uh...... Do I need to wash my eyes if I touch them
Blonde: "Doctor, I have pain all over my body. Everywhere I touch hurts".
Doctor: "Your finger is broken".
So if I set up touch ID on my phone for the same finger on both hands
Does it make it ambitextrous?
I'd you ever need to get in touch with a bike company
"Don't touch" has to be one of the most terrifying things to read in Braille
“Don’t touch the blackberry cobbler in the kitchen!”
But that little man continued to make his little stupid berry shoes.
What does a 737-800 sound like when it bounces during touch down?
I got in touch with my inner self today
Thats the last time I'm using one ply toiletpaper
Please don't touch my new tattoo. It's a little bit-saw.
My daughter absolutely cannot stand it when her toes touch the top of her shoes!!
She is very clostra-toe-bic.
Don't touch them
If you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN they get VERY ANGRY.
I got in touch with my inner self today
That’s the last time I’m buying cheap toilet paper.
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side
Sometimes I touch my knees to my chest and lean forward.
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