An alternate world where it's illegal to make or even touch puns. Punsmiths are protesting against this.

There's a pun crying to be made here, but I can't put my finger on it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buttsecks42069
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
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I bee-leave I can touch the sky
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πŸ‘€︎ u/semc1986
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
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The water asked the sand if it could touch it ?

The sand said, "Shore."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
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What do you call it when a girl's butt looks hot but is really cold to the touch?

A tsunderriere.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/primo_not_stinko
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
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Why doesn't Covid touch kids?

Because it's 19

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sharma_boi_18
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
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The best way to get in touch with your long lost relatives....

....is to win the lottery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
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One day, the Earth and the Sea met. The Sea asked the Earth: "Can I touch you?"

The Earth answered: "Shore"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-AntiMattr-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
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My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side...

...so I crashed the car.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Poop_Meister69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
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A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts whenever I touch my face, knee and elbow." The doctor says,

"You've broken your hand."

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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I found out today that I like it when experienced men touch me

And then I paid the chiropractor

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
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There's something that I don't like about "DO NOT TOUCH" signs.

I just can't put my finger on it.

πŸ‘︎ 590
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Button_FC
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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Walked past a pallet of nacho cheese at Costco today. Looked my daughter in the eye and said, β€œDylan, don’t touch”

Natcho-cheese.

I try.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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10 years ago I promised to myself not to touch a drop of drink while I'm at work.

I haven't touched a job since.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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I saw a guy going around telling people to touch a naked wire he has been carrying with him.

I was shocked.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/polkadipolka
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to get in touch with my more feminine side

So I crashed the car

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoinMosquito703
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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Mom Touch Mom’s Touch
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side

So I crashed the car and didn't talk to her all day for no reason.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roland_248
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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I saw a sign that said 'do not touch', however there was something weird about the sign....

I couldn't put my finger on it....

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirCarpetOfBurn
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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Sometimes I touch my knees to my chest and lean forward,

That’s just how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 292
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jackdaking746
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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Why would everything be different without a sense of touch?

Because we wouldn’t know how to feel

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vinyl_Vey
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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What do you call a math problem that you can touch and feel?

An algebraille equation.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IamGargamelsCat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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Son: β€œDaddy why is that β€˜do not touch’ sign there?”

Dad: β€œI dunno son, I can’t quite put my finger on it.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/krookedsmilez
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
We all have that on relative who breaks everything they touch. Mine is my...

Auntie Matter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Foamy07
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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The easiest way to get in touch with inner self...

is to buy one ply toilet paper

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/50ShadesOfPalmBay
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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Just saw a guy touch his cow's udder

how dairy

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-starwing-
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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I got in touch with my inner self today.

That's the last time I use cheap toilet paper.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fermentus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
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There’s this really out of touch old janitor that works at my office building.

At least he’s an ok broomer.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CobaltD70
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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Since I moved to a plant based diet I lost touch with the fun guys.

Mushroom is not a plant

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hamadaeleleimy
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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Quick health warning: You can’t touch this.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
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A man had a chainsaw accident and lost 2 fingers. He lost 20% of his touch.

Ouch.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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Something's wrong with my touch screen.

I can’t put my finger on it.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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The guy who created the sign "Caution Do Not Touch" in braille,

is an evil genius.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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Call me a thermostat because only my dad's allowed to touch me
πŸ‘︎ 156
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πŸ‘€︎ u/el_STiiNG
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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Why should you never touch an electric fence

Because it hertz.

πŸ‘︎ 202
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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Somebody touch a my spaghett
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingRedJelly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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Uh...... Do I need to wash my eyes if I touch them
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Addicted2Cornhole
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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"Don't touch" has to be one of the most terrifying things to read in Braille
πŸ‘︎ 559
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coleslaw840
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
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My daughter had to stick her hand in a sack to try to guess the type of material by touch...

It was felt.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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A genie granted me one wish. I wanted to be rich, but didn't want to deal with the IRS and decided I wanted wealth as I needed it. So I wished for the touch of Midas.

After that, everything I touched turned into a muffler.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notagoodspelller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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I'd you ever need to get in touch with a bike company

Ask for the spokesman

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
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Please don't touch my new tattoo. It's a little bit-saw.
πŸ‘︎ 156
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elliobot
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2017
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Blonde: "Doctor, I have pain all over my body. Everywhere I touch hurts".

Doctor: "Your finger is broken".

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karma-enigma
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to be more in touch with with my feminine side....

So I crashed the car.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AngryRobin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side

So I crashed my car

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side

So I crashed the car

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moony-7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report

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