An alternate world where it's illegal to make or even touch puns. Punsmiths are protesting against this.
There's a pun crying to be made here, but I can't put my finger on it.
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︎ Feb 27 2019
A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts whenever I touch my face, knee and elbow." The doctor says,
"You've broken your hand."
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︎ Dec 31 2020
Walked past a pallet of nacho cheese at Costco today. Looked my daughter in the eye and said, βDylan, donβt touchβ
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︎ Dec 27 2020
My girlfriend asked me to feed her anaconda hotdogs while she is out of town. I did, but it wouldnβt touch them. Confused, I called her and asked why
She said: βMy anaconda donβt want none unless it has buns, hunβ
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︎ Oct 14 2020
10 years ago I promised to myself not to touch a drop of drink while I'm at work.
I haven't touched a job since.
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︎ Nov 15 2020
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side
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︎ Oct 26 2020
There's something that I don't like about "DO NOT TOUCH" signs.
I just can't put my finger on it.
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︎ Jul 25 2020
Why would everything be different without a sense of touch?
Because we wouldnβt know how to feel
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︎ Sep 16 2020
Son: βDaddy why is that βdo not touchβ sign there?β
Dad: βI dunno son, I canβt quite put my finger on it.β
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︎ Sep 15 2020
My wife asked me to get in touch with my more feminine side
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︎ Aug 08 2020
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side
So I crashed the car and didn't talk to her all day for no reason.
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︎ Aug 16 2020
Mom Touch Momβs Touch
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︎ Jul 30 2020
I saw a guy going around telling people to touch a naked wire he has been carrying with him.
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︎ Jun 30 2020
We all have that on relative who breaks everything they touch. Mine is my...
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︎ Sep 09 2020
What do you call a math problem that you can touch and feel?
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︎ Jun 08 2020
Sometimes I touch my knees to my chest and lean forward,
Thatβs just how I roll.
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︎ Apr 14 2020
The easiest way to get in touch with inner self...
is to buy one ply toilet paper
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︎ Jul 10 2020
Just saw a guy touch his cow's udder
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︎ May 18 2020
I saw a sign that said 'do not touch', however there was something weird about the sign....
I couldn't put my finger on it....
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︎ Jun 22 2019
A man had a chainsaw accident and lost 2 fingers. He lost 20% of his touch.
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︎ Jun 09 2020
Since I moved to a plant based diet I lost touch with the fun guys.
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︎ May 27 2020
Something's wrong with my touch screen.
I canβt put my finger on it.
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︎ Jun 09 2020
I got in touch with my inner self today.
That's the last time I use cheap toilet paper.
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︎ Mar 14 2020
The guy who created the sign "Caution Do Not Touch" in braille,
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︎ May 31 2020
Thereβs this really out of touch old janitor that works at my office building.
At least heβs an ok broomer.
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︎ Feb 03 2020
My daughter had to stick her hand in a sack to try to guess the type of material by touch...
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︎ Apr 11 2020
A genie granted me one wish. I wanted to be rich, but didn't want to deal with the IRS and decided I wanted wealth as I needed it. So I wished for the touch of Midas.
After that, everything I touched turned into a muffler.
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︎ Apr 17 2020
Somebody touch a my spaghett
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︎ Dec 14 2019
Call me a thermostat because only my dad's allowed to touch me
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︎ Jun 03 2019
Quick health warning: You canβt touch this.
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︎ Apr 18 2018
Why should you never touch an electric fence
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︎ Mar 10 2019
Uh...... Do I need to wash my eyes if I touch them
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︎ Oct 21 2019
Blonde: "Doctor, I have pain all over my body. Everywhere I touch hurts".
Doctor: "Your finger is broken".
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︎ Feb 22 2020
So if I set up touch ID on my phone for the same finger on both hands
Does it make it ambitextrous?
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︎ Jan 20 2020
I'd you ever need to get in touch with a bike company
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︎ Oct 09 2019
"Don't touch" has to be one of the most terrifying things to read in Braille
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︎ Nov 08 2018
βDonβt touch the blackberry cobbler in the kitchen!β
But that little man continued to make his little stupid berry shoes.
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︎ Nov 18 2019
What does a 737-800 sound like when it bounces during touch down?
βBoeing, Boeing, Boeingβ
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︎ Oct 30 2019
I got in touch with my inner self today
Thats the last time I'm using one ply toiletpaper
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︎ Sep 13 2019
Please don't touch my new tattoo. It's a little bit-saw.
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︎ May 06 2017
My daughter absolutely cannot stand it when her toes touch the top of her shoes!!
She is very clostra-toe-bic.
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︎ Oct 03 2019
Don't touch them
If you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN they get VERY ANGRY.
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︎ Apr 26 2019
I got in touch with my inner self today
Thatβs the last time Iβm buying cheap toilet paper.
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︎ Apr 25 2018
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side
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︎ Aug 09 2020
Sometimes I touch my knees to my chest and lean forward.
Thatβs just how I roll.
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︎ Jul 05 2019
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