Next time I'll use my fingers
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs110466
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
🚨︎ report
don't stick your finger in crazy
πŸ‘︎ 99
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/floofysox
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
I broke my finger at work today

On the other hand I'm completely fine

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HANZ06
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15
🚨︎ report
It may sound strange, but my fingers are my most reliable body part...

I can always count on them

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottyharp78
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
A Roman Soldier caught the Bartender's eye and gave him the two fingers sign..

" Five beers coming up " said the Bartender.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
🚨︎ report
Point finger: β€œwhat’s that?”

My two year old pointed across the street and asked, β€œwhat’s that?”

I tried to guess and he is often trying to learn the names of things. β€œA tree? A car? Grass? A bird?”

No to all of them.

Then he said, β€œit’s a finger.”

I got dad joked by my two year old.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
🚨︎ report
Someone got tattooed on Cheeto dust to their fingers
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blobbington888
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
🚨︎ report
I broke 2 fingers on my right hand today

On the other hand everything is OK.

Happy Fathers Day everybody

πŸ‘︎ 148
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CanadianTrainFan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
Fingers

It may sound strange, but my fingers are my most reliable body part...

>!I can always count on them... !<

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Coffeeaficionado_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
What do you call a judge without any fingers?

Just his thumbs.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/corpjohnson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
A man has to poop and has no toilet paper his friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back with poop on his fingers...." Why is there poop on your fingers"

" it's hard to wipe with 3 quarters 2 dimes and a nickel"

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
My wife was grating some cheese then suddenly she pulled her hand away and said 'Ow, I think I cut my finger!'

I turned to her and said 'damn that is some sharp cheddar!'

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDutchArmy
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
My son is almost 3, and frantically calls me into his room when he should be sleeping. Dad! Dad! Put your finger in my ear... so I do...

"Get outta h-ear!", he says to me.

Made me so proud. Unprompted dad jokes from our little apprentices are just so great.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yyz-ac
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
A man had a chainsaw accident and lost 2 fingers. He lost 20% of his touch.

Ouch.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
I broke my finger today

On the other hand, I’m ok

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
What do you call slobber on a ring finger?

Droolry

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/m92186
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
you know... i’ve always hated my middle and index finger...

but i’m okay now, i’ve made peace with them.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RollyPollyOli
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.

Well, that back fired.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
The song that my nose shit sings to my fingers when it's about to be flicked away youtube.com/watch?v=h2jvH…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sanitizem8
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
I just accidentally super-glued my thumb and index finger together!! At first, I started to panic, but then I remembered that...

...it’s always going to be okay...

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
After years in retirement, I lost all feeling in my fingers

you could say I am out of touch

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ana_tommy16
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
My toddler was counting his fingers, and determined he had six.

I said β€œoh, well let me take one of those off your hands for you”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bridgeheadprod
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
I broke my finger yesterday...

... on the other hand, I'm okay.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
finger

Did you read it as a noun or a verb?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says

"Five beers,please."

πŸ‘︎ 140
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclopropagative
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
🚨︎ report
You know, I’ve never really liked my middle finger or my index finger

It’s okay though, I’ve made peace with them

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gods-fav-failure
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
I broke one of my fingers at work today.

On the other hand, everything is okay.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
Pull my finger!
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sailerryan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
Of all my body parts, my fingers are the most reliable.

I can always count on them.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/killerinstinct101
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you never say to someone who lost his fingers?

we are crossing fingers for you.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dat-boi666
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine cut his finger off at work...

So he'll be getting sever ance pay.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
🚨︎ report
Jill broke her finger today..

but on the other hand she was completely fine

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_improviser
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
I cut my finger chopping cheese.

but i think i may have grater problems

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RussiaIsMyCity
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
🚨︎ report
I broke my finger today

But on the other hand im fine

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad, showing me his pinky : "Did you know that the Chinese don't have that finger ?" Me : "What ? No." Dad : "wanna know why ?" Me: "yeah"

It's because it's MY pinky.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sthymia20
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the IT-guy burn his fingers?

He used hotkeys.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kartenhouse
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
🚨︎ report
Finger prints.
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MisfortuneGaming
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I work in a hospital and tonight a guy game in who blew off his finger with fireworks.

He was happy with his service...but only gave us a 9/10 rating.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Erastin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
Why do my fingers refuse to agree with my thumbs?

Because my thumbs are opposable.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
Why did the man with his fingers in an electrical socket stop dancing?

He disco-nnected.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/poshpringles
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
What kind of trees do fingers grow on?

A palm tree

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LordVendredi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
What do call a racist man without feet fingers that is allergic to milk.

Lactose intolerant

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Samarpaul77
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
So if I set up touch ID on my phone for the same finger on both hands

Does it make it ambitextrous?

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aesterian
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
Why does my finger like pie so much?

Because it’s got β€œma rang” on it

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/grizwld
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
Imagine being able to write with your finger
πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Diamondsttv
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
When I woke up from my accident, I was shocked when the doctors told me I broke all my fingers.

It was hard to grasp.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
This sign is strange but I can’t put my finger on it
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperSamStudios
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I got fruit preserves on my finger.

Doctor said it was jammed

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FeedbackUSA
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up 2 fingers and says...

5 beers please

πŸ‘︎ 215
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CrispyCritter83
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
When I woke up from my accident, I was shocked to find out that I had broken all my fingers.

That was hard to grasp.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
He-hey, hey you.. pull my finger.

Trust me it happened, we created this together.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashtehstampede
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
To determine the gender of a parrot you have to stick your finger in the cage. If he bites you, he's a male...

If she bites you, she's a female.

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
A Roman man walks into a bar and holds up 2 fingers.

He says to the bartender, "5 beers, please!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I got into an accident and I was shocked when the doctor told me that my fingers were broken.

It was hard to grasp.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend told me i couldn't make a percussion-like sound by moving my fingers against each other

That's when i snapped

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yri03
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Should chicken be eaten with your fingers?

No. Fingers should be eaten separately.

(My dad's favorite)

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mcmlxi1013
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I yelled β€œcow!” at a woman on a bike and she gave me the finger.

Then she plowed her bike straight into the cow.

πŸ‘︎ 253
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sourkid27
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I took my bread outta the toaster earlier and burnt my finger

It was pretty toasty

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WisemenGaming
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm gonna grow my own fingers.

By planting palm trees.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/33billings
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
A Roman legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says:

β€œFive beers, please.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
A Roman soldier walks into a bar, looks at the bartender, hold ups two fingers and says..

"Let me get five beers."

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chuckyocouch_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I Broke My Finger Last Week...

On the other hand, I’m okay.

πŸ‘︎ 404
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hana-Chi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A Roman walks in a bar, holds up 2 fingers and says:

"I'll have 5 beer please."

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/m6llow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I would like to thank my arms for always being at my side, my legs for supporting me, and my fingers because i could count on them
πŸ‘︎ 183
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InfinityTheW0lf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I have this tin can that’s translucent and never seems to fill up when I put things into it. Its top has smooth edges so it never cuts my fingers and it opens easily without a can opener...

It’s uncanny!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/genghisyawn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I broke one of my fingers at work today

On the other hand, everything is OK

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moehamm
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I met a magical little man who couldn't carry around his pot of gold because his fingers kept falling off.

He was a leperchaun.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JEJoll
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Lady Fingers
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ANTARESAirCadet
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report
With a snapple of my fingers, this drink will be 50% healthier. Like all this should be
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Paerpie
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can't your fingers agree unanimously?

Because the thumbs always oppose.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I cut my finger while cutting cheese

But I may have grater problems

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theMasterDerpy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I really like my fingers!

I can always count on them.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gravistarz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I broke my finger, on the other hand I'm fine!
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Exonated
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What did Thanos say after he snapped his fingers?

Woah there partner, this could of been an endgame spoiler, better be more careful next time.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MurtleWasHere
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A Roman walks into a bar and puts up 2 fingers.

He gets 5 drinks!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Momorah
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do your fingers always like to tickle?

Because they have cu-tickles!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I broke my finger at work today...

On the other hand, everything is OK

πŸ‘︎ 193
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sjr12
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Can you imagine cured meat? Sitting around, brining all day, never lifting a finger.

It's just in salting

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
More and more people are sticking cheese on the tips of their fingers. Jane, who puts Camembert on her index finger, is a casein point.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What has only one finger and is very demanding ?

A Ransom Note.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/frenzy3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Big shout-out to my fingers!

I can always count on them

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/captainkrinking
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I cut my fingers off cutting cheese

I think I have grater problems

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlfTul
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
This is one my 7 year old son said to me... I had a closed fist up to my face with my little finger extended and picking food out of my teeth. My thumb was also extended out. He looked at me and with a smirk on his face said to me...

Who's on the phone dad?

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pearly351
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œDoctor, I used to feel so much happier before I broke all my fingers in a freak accident!”

Doctor: How do you feel now?

Man: With my elbows, mostly.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Big shout out to my fingers!

I can always count on them.

πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sigurlion
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I broke my finger

But on the other hand,I’m okay!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandi-ela
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend told me this long story on how he lost the tip of his index finger in an accident.

It was a bit pointless.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I broke my finger last week.

On the other hand, i’m okay.

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/8hes8
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
When I woke up from my accident, I was shocked to find out that all my fingers were broken.

It was hard to grasp.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I just accidentally superglued my thumb and index finger together, and at first I started to panic…

But then I remembered that it’s always going to be okay.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I cut my finger chopping cheese...

But it think that I may have grater problems!

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tanmaythegr8
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of tree do fingers grow on?

A palm tree

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mork202
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of tree do fingers grow on?

A palm tree

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JG_melon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report

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