Broke ny finger today

On the other hand i am ok

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ahmed8117600
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the thumb say to the finger?

I'm in glove with you!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Neutraliscool
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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What do you call an extra finger?

I don’t know, but you can always count on it more than the others.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/damenleeturks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
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I cut my finger chopping cheese

but I think that I may have grater problems.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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"There are five types of people..." *holds up two fingers *

Those who understand roman numerals, and those who don't...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mike_OxonFaier
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
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A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says

β€œFive beers, please.”

πŸ‘︎ 949
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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My daughter broke her finger today,

but on the other hand she was completely fine.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theuselessfuck
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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How many fingers does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten Tickles

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RootbeerDreams
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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What do you call an artist with brown fingers ?

Pickasso.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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A friend of mine cut his finger off at work...

I suppose he'll be getting severance pay.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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There is nothing stronger than a finger gun...

except for a hand gun.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anbre_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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A roman walks into a bar and holds up 2 fingers.

"I'll take 5 beers, please " he said.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I broke my finger last week.

On the other hand I'm ok.

πŸ‘︎ 118
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dreadaussie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the opposite of lady fingers?

Mentos

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nathanhasse
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the opposite of lady fingers?

Mentos.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tevvi94
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a scar from an axe on my finger

It was an axident

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrkapid
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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I broke my finger yesterday...

Blue foam everywhere, definitely not worth the money!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/area-51-boi-69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I just broke my finger...

But on the other hand, I’m okay.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lickslicki538
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Cut my finger while I was baking ...

You can't get blood out of a scone.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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I tried finger food for the first time

Luckily I only used five so I could still hold it

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/minefight160
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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If I had known I had ketchup on my fingers, I wouldn't have rubbed my eyes.

Heinzsight's 20/20.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/likeabutterdream
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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β€œI trust my fingers alot!”

Because i can count on them............

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dark_Demon_69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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Where is it most unsafe to play the β€œpull my finger” game?

At the leper colony.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A Roman man walks into a bar and extends his index and middle fingers and says...

"I'll have 5 beers please"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
don't stick your finger in crazy
πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/floofysox
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a tree fingers grow on?

A palm tree

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AttemptsMade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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Julius Caesar walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers

And says "Give me five beers".

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BumperBabyAngel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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I was driving with my daughter when she suddenly pointed her finger to an orange sign and said β€œLook Daddy, Road Works Ahead!”

I said β€œI sure hope it works, or we’ll have to take a longer route!”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chronic_Avidness
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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Next time I'll use my fingers
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs110466
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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I was in church the other day and the vicar was pointing his finger going "Pew, pew, pew". I asked him if he was pretending to fire a laser pistol or something...

He said "Nope, just counting the seats".

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slatersays22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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I was cleaning my finger gun the other day...

And shot a hole in my air guitar.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoldSweep
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
It may sound strange, but my fingers are my most reliable body part...

I can always count on them

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottyharp78
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A Roman Soldier caught the Bartender's eye and gave him the two fingers sign..

" Five beers coming up " said the Bartender.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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I broke my finger at work today

On the other hand I'm completely fine

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HANZ06
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I cut my finger while slicing cheese.

It was extra sharp.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SketchPV
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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If I pay a doctor to stick his finger in my butt...

...does that make him a prostatoot too?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vistabuntu
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I ordered chicken fingers tossed in Buffalo sauce the other day

I asked the chef to be gentle while tossing them though. Because they’re tenders.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pantsalot99
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I broke 2 fingers on my right hand today

On the other hand everything is OK.

Happy Fathers Day everybody

πŸ‘︎ 145
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CanadianTrainFan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Tolkien typed the entire Lord Of The Rings using only two fingers

That must have been Mordor

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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Someone got tattooed on Cheeto dust to their fingers
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blobbington888
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
As I ran my finger down her G string, she moaned:

"Give me back my guitar!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Point finger: β€œwhat’s that?”

My two year old pointed across the street and asked, β€œwhat’s that?”

I tried to guess and he is often trying to learn the names of things. β€œA tree? A car? Grass? A bird?”

No to all of them.

Then he said, β€œit’s a finger.”

I got dad joked by my two year old.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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Why did the baker have brown fingers?

He neaded a poo

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lawsonator85
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the opposite of Lady Fingers?

Mentos.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Canooter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the opposite of lady fingers?

Mentos.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/im_the_clone
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the opposite of lady fingers

Mentos

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Connor0388
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report

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