Rule of thumb
When cutting, keep it away from the blade.
I was out by the street trying to hitchhike but every single car I stuck my thumb out for just passed me by. I began to wonder if it had something to do with the cargo shorts I was wearing.
So I went home and put on some carstop shorts, and had much better success at hitchhiking after that.
Last night I accidentally superglued my thumb and forefinger together...
But don’t worry...it will be ok. 👌🏻
As a rule of thumb ALWAYS have a squid on your side when you're in a fight
I have very fond memories of my dad arriving home, wearing his white t-shirt, black leather jacket, giving me the thumbs up, and saying 'Ayyyy'...
What did the thumb say to the finger?
What has two thumbs and won't let them go?
Seriously, give me back my thumbs
Why do beginner artist always forget to draw the stick figure’s thumb when they draw a fist?
They forgot the punchline
What do you call a Judge with no thumbs?
This makes me want to get a green thumb
I like having opposable thumbs.
I don't have a green thumb...
Both of mine are pinkish.
I just accidentally super-glued my thumb and index finger together!! At first, I started to panic, but then I remembered that...
...it’s always going to be okay...
Recently broke my thumb, I asked the nurse if I’d be able to play the piano?
She said I would
I said that’s good I couldn’t play it before.
Sticking out like a sore thumb
Guess who has 7 thumbs and just got fired from the morgue?
I won a thumb at a lisp competition, but lost it soon after.
You win thumb, you lose thumb.
My proctologist gave me two thumbs up ...
Which I really didn't appreciate.
Why do my fingers refuse to agree with my thumbs?
Because my thumbs are opposable.
Daughter: Dad, how thick do you think a giant’s thumb would be?
Me: i’d say it’ll be gigan-thick!
How do you reattach a severed thumb?
My brother lost his favorite thumb ring and was really upset about it.
I told him, "Don't worry, we know it's thumb-wear!"
This is one my 7 year old son said to me... I had a closed fist up to my face with my little finger extended and picking food out of my teeth. My thumb was also extended out. He looked at me and with a smirk on his face said to me...
My left thumb doesn’t agree with my right thumb’s political views.
What do drunken astronauts and a typist's thumbs have in common?
They both hang around the space bar!
I use my index finger as a rule of thumb.
I always think the thumb is on the left side...
on the other hand, it might be on the right side.
A guy I know injured his thumb and his fingers started aching in sympathy the next day.
They were brothers in arm.
Guess who's got 3 thumbs and can't count
I've been getting the bus to work since I dislocated my thumb and today was my first day cycling again. I was a little nervous...
But thankfully it was just like riding a bike!
Made a shirt out of thumb tacks because I wanted to look sharp...
But everyone said it was tacky.
Knowing the measurement from the tip of your thumb to the tip of your pinky finger is pretty handy.
When Ancient Greeks used to mix the clay for their dwellings a rule of thumb was to mix it until it was the texture of Hummus before putting it on the interior walls
It’s quite well known that the Ancient Greeks championed Hummus Texturality
The first time I saw a person with an extra thumb, I was horrified.
When a dictator gives you a thumbs up or thumbs down
it’s just a rule of thumb
My wife left me because of my fat thumbs.
Wife is sick and has a cut on her thumb...
She said, "Man, this thumb can't catch a break.."
I said, "What can it catch? A cold?"
What did Jesus Christ say when he hit his thumb with a hammer?
I just accidentally superglued my thumb and index finger together, and at first I started to panic…
But then I remembered that it’s always going to be okay.
I’d give having opposable thumbs, two thumbs up.
I just accidentally superglued my thumb & index finger together, and at first I started to panic...
but then I remembered that it’s always going to be okay.
What do you call a judge with no thumbs?