Rule of thumb

When cutting, keep it away from the blade.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeadOfKnight
πŸ“…︎ May 19
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I was out by the street trying to hitchhike but every single car I stuck my thumb out for just passed me by. I began to wonder if it had something to do with the cargo shorts I was wearing.

So I went home and put on some carstop shorts, and had much better success at hitchhiking after that.

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/copenhagen_bram
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
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Last night I accidentally superglued my thumb and forefinger together...

But don’t worry...it will be ok. πŸ‘ŒπŸ»

πŸ‘︎ 534
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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As a rule of thumb ALWAYS have a squid on your side when you're in a fight

they're well armed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bronzeaardvark
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
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I have very fond memories of my dad arriving home, wearing his white t-shirt, black leather jacket, giving me the thumbs up, and saying 'Ayyyy'...

...happy days!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kublakhan1977
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
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What did the thumb say to the finger?

I'm in glove with you!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Neutraliscool
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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What has two thumbs and won't let them go?

My kid

Seriously, give me back my thumbs

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjo_kes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
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Why do beginner artist always forget to draw the stick figure’s thumb when they draw a fist?

They forgot the punchline

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepyCrow07
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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What do you call a Judge with no thumbs?

Just-his fingers....

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobbylake71
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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This makes me want to get a green thumb
πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/milk-is-bad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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I like having opposable thumbs.

They're very handy.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sweet_chick283
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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I don't have a green thumb...

Both of mine are pinkish.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeyWhatsItToYa
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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I just accidentally super-glued my thumb and index finger together!! At first, I started to panic, but then I remembered that...

...it’s always going to be okay...

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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Recently broke my thumb, I asked the nurse if I’d be able to play the piano?

She said I would

I said that’s good I couldn’t play it before.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiddlyDoddo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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Thumb Drive
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CardScientist
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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A β€œthumb” drive
πŸ‘︎ 162
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crafty5999
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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Sticking out like a sore thumb
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Diov2Void
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
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Guess who has 7 thumbs and just got fired from the morgue?
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djfromthe90s
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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I won a thumb at a lisp competition, but lost it soon after.

You win thumb, you lose thumb.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ollieacappella
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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My proctologist gave me two thumbs up ...

Which I really didn't appreciate.

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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Why do my fingers refuse to agree with my thumbs?

Because my thumbs are opposable.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
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Daughter: Dad, how thick do you think a giant’s thumb would be?

Me: i’d say it’ll be gigan-thick!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dasherjim
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
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How do you reattach a severed thumb?

With a finger nail

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mtcarr79
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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My brother lost his favorite thumb ring and was really upset about it.

I told him, "Don't worry, we know it's thumb-wear!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/piscimancy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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This is one my 7 year old son said to me... I had a closed fist up to my face with my little finger extended and picking food out of my teeth. My thumb was also extended out. He looked at me and with a smirk on his face said to me...

Who's on the phone dad?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pearly351
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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My left thumb doesn’t agree with my right thumb’s political views.

He finds them opposable.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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What do drunken astronauts and a typist's thumbs have in common?

They both hang around the space bar!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WholesomeRanger
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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I use my index finger as a rule of thumb.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VaiterZen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
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I always think the thumb is on the left side...

on the other hand, it might be on the right side.

πŸ‘︎ 137
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πŸ“…︎ May 23 2016
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A guy I know injured his thumb and his fingers started aching in sympathy the next day.

They were brothers in arm.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImpossiblePudding
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
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Guess who's got 3 thumbs and can't count

This guy πŸ‘ 😎 πŸ‘

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DemigodRob
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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I've been getting the bus to work since I dislocated my thumb and today was my first day cycling again. I was a little nervous...

But thankfully it was just like riding a bike!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wronkey360
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
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Made a shirt out of thumb tacks because I wanted to look sharp...

But everyone said it was tacky.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlackEyedBroad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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Knowing the measurement from the tip of your thumb to the tip of your pinky finger is pretty handy.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Kfrey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
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I’d give having opposable thumbs, two thumbs up.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ISFJ-T
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
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When Ancient Greeks used to mix the clay for their dwellings a rule of thumb was to mix it until it was the texture of Hummus before putting it on the interior walls

It’s quite well known that the Ancient Greeks championed Hummus Texturality

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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What do you call a judge with no thumbs?

Justice Fingers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FannyCradock
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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The first time I saw a person with an extra thumb, I was horrified.

Thumb thumb THUUUMB!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
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When a dictator gives you a thumbs up or thumbs down

it’s just a rule of thumb

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bismuth482
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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My wife left me because of my fat thumbs.

Botch

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fukhed69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2018
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Wife is sick and has a cut on her thumb...

She said, "Man, this thumb can't catch a break.." I said, "What can it catch? A cold?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/csarkrasc
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
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What did Jesus Christ say when he hit his thumb with a hammer?

"Me!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Big-Red-Dog
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2017
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I just accidentally superglued my thumb and index finger together, and at first I started to panic…

But then I remembered that it’s always going to be okay.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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I just accidentally superglued my thumb & index finger together, and at first I started to panic...

but then I remembered that it’s always going to be okay.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inquisitor1965
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2018
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