Today I learned that if you're in a canoe and it flips over in water...

....you can safely wear it on your head... because it's capsized.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/b_wanker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
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Why don't cows wear flip-flops?

They lactose.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
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What do you call a French man wearing flip flops?

Phillipe Phollope.

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πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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Do you know why scuba divers flip backwards when going into the water?

Because if they flipped forward, they'd fall into the boat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ashlingwilde
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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Flip flops are fun. Every time you take a step....

....it's like a high five for your foot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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i once attended a black-tie affair in flip-flops

it was quite the sandal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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New to reddit. How do I flip the orientation to where everything isn't upside down?
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
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My wife yelled, β€œHey, the sun’s coming out!” So I wore my shorts and flip flops and came downstairs.

Found my son holding hand with his boyfriend.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
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My wife told me to flip off the thermostat before we left the house. I don’t think she appreciated how I followed her instructions.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squachee
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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There are 4 lizards chilling in the ceiling, one of them did a back flip. How many are left in the ceiling?

None, as the rest clapped and cheered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jumpman707
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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Watching John Wick 2 the other night. While Keanu and Common are fighting while both holding the knife the tables turn and Keanu flips the knife around and thrusts it into Commons chest...again while both holding the grip. To which I turn to to my family and say

At least the both have something "in" common.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoiSINNEDsoul73
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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Why don't cows wear flip flops?

They lactose.

Edit test.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/derawin07
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2018
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Flip the the first letter dad jokes and you get

bad jokes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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I once fell in love while doing a front flip!

I was head over heels...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/puddlepirate20
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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*nurse flips on a light switch*

β€œThe Doctor will see you now.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeremysayshi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
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What kind of chips wear flip-flops?

Free-toes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lzink2244
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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I was walking backwards in flip flops

And they went pilf spolf.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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If you flip a boat over, it will fit on your head;

After all, it's now ... capsized!

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strat_attack
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2017
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I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon. "Well..." he said. "It could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door. Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we flip for it."

"And he won?" I asked.

"Well, no..." he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder, the big jerk!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2018
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How does a blind british flip you off?

Unt

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinancialCorner
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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Lost a flip flop once ...

Went to replace it and was told they are only sold in pairs ... I've bought hundreds of those damn fruits and have yet to get my other flip flop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theb1zzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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what do you call it when you pay money to watch a flip book?

Paper-view

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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What do police officers use to flip pancakes?

A dispatchula.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
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why can't cows wear flip-flops?

because they lactose

(they lack toes. because they have hooves) (get it??)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garbagemayor
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2016
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Flip the Light Off

As I was going to bed, my dad told me to flip the light off. I go over and flick the switch and turn the light off. Then my father yells at me and tells me to turn it on and flip it off and shows me what he meant.

Thanks Dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Filthy_Weeaboo_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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I was painting and decided to flip the canvas...

It's on the floor right now.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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"Who can flip the most burgers?" is a game of high stakes
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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I wrote up my 20 page patent application for an assistive tech robot that flips pages of a book for you.

It's a real page turner!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uranus_be_cold
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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I thought I would have a hard time finding a stand to hold my flip chart.

Turns out I did it easel-ly

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PdSales
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2018
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I was walking past a prison the other day and saw a midget escaping down the wall. I waved to him, but all he did was flip me off.

It was a little condescending.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/damnitjake
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2017
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Did you know that any boat can be worn as a hat? It'll fit if you just flip it over.

Then it's capsized.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/edhere
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2017
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My wife texted me, saying my puppy ate one of my flip flops...

Guess I'll just have to flip hop when I get home.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sunstoned1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
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My girlfriend just beat an ant to death with her flip flop.

It was a summery execution.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrossSA
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2015
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If your boat flips you can wear it on your head.

Because it capsized.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VegetarianReaper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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I fell in love with your mother while doing a back flip.

I was head over heels

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirMalcolmK
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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If you were to flip the first "d" in dad joke..

..you'd get a bad joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lusts
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2018
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Why don't cows wear flip flops?

They lactose.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Antisceptic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2017
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Did I ever tell you kids that I fell in love with your mother while I was doing a back flip?

I was heels over head in love...

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2016
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