Whenever I'm sad my German friend throws bread at me

A nice game of gluten tag always cheers me up.

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IWaterboardKids
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
If you throw a pair of fins in water, they'll float. But if you throw one Fin in the water

Helsinki

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine claims he can throw a stick 5 miles and his pet dog will retrieve it.

I think that's a bit far fetched.

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
What do you call a crab that throws things?

A lobster

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrdangwangpang
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
Why did Loki throw a temper tantrum when he couldn't find his brother during a game of hide and seek?

Because he was a Thor loser

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/costerluver
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
When I was a kid I learned how to throw a boomerang.

I tried it again last week and couldn't remember how it worked, but after a few throws it started coming back to me.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MajorTrump
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
Why doesn’t Golden Retrievers catch the balls you throw for them?

They’re only retrievers.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderAlex2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat minor

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theflashsawyer23
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
There is a certain brand of printer I don't throw away

I am my Brothers keeper.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/H-DaneelOlivaw
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t return when you throw it?

A Stick.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/taroqi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
I always carry a pebble with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October.

I call it my jingle bell rock.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jxwtf585
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I pretended to throw a ball for my plecostomus, and he chased after it.

He's totally a sucker.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/glt23
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
Me: Is it a crime to throw sodium chloride in someone’s eyes?

Judge: yes it’s assault

Me: I know it’s a salt but is it a crime though?

Originally posted by u/CurryMuncher13 on r/Jokes

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/h0ldmycovfefe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend told me to play with boomerangs, i told her to throw that idea out of the window

oh shit it's coming back

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
I used to get irrationally angry at ice cubes and throw them onto the floor.

But now that's all just water under the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arbitrary_Bastion
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
4 people on a raft each have a cigarette but no way to light them. One of them throws their cigarette over board..

And the raft becomes a cigarette lighter

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bananacake8008
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
"He's the most foul mouthed person to ever live!" screamed the scientist who cloned himself and later tried to throw the clone off the roof.

He was arrested for attempting to make an obscene clone fall.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notagoodspelller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
Every time my bike hurts me, I throw it down to the ground.

It's a vicious cycle.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djbassmekanik
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
🚨︎ report
I wanted to throw this cool rock I found

But it was too hard

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mayoandbutter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
🚨︎ report
How much trash do you have to throw in the ocean to make a new country?

None, just some tea

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oleolesp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
Me: Look, I'm going to throw this ninja star

Friend: No you can't

Me: Shur I ken

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
Me: *throws hands in resignation*

The guy whose hands I just amputated: *looks at me awkwardly*

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/89odev
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
🚨︎ report
Which barbie throws the best summer parties?

Barbie Q!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
🚨︎ report
How do you throw a space party?

Organisation is the most important. First, you planet.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
🚨︎ report
You can't throw out vegetables
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/daxtonanderson
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens if you throw a Finnish sailor overboard?

Helsinki

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?

Linoleum Blownapart

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Charles_Deetz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
We should throw durex in conflicts.

We know they gonna blow up anyway.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dancccasf
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
Can a ninja throw a throwing star? SureHeCan

A shuriken is a throwing star.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Death_By_Pun
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Can a Ninja throw Stars?

Shur-he-kan

πŸ‘︎ 282
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SwampyJester719
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What crime do you commit when you throw a text book?

Textual Assault

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kirat692157
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Where should you throw your cigarette butts?

In the ass-tray.

(Don't litter, kids.)

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Servali_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the pregnant woman throw up at the funeral?

Mourning sickness.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HiddenLayer5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
My GF and I throw down
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
There is one thing guaranteed to make me throw up.

A dartboard on the ceiling.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pho_de_bimos
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate watching left handed quarterbacks throw

It just never looks right

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
I used to randomly sort resumes into 2 piles. One of the piles I'd throw out. The ones in the remaining were lucky enough to go to step 2.

I guess I wasn't much of a police detective.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Just throw all the chlorine in
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fawaffle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
If there’s one thing that makes me throw up.

It’s a dart board on a ceiling.

(original: r/jokes)

πŸ‘︎ 116
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Plane_Garbage
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do you throw your trash at night?

In the dusk-bin

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Limitless75
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
If you throw somebody out of window when he is sleeping, he technically...

Falls asleep.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/troporos
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
After winning the game I decided to throw the ball into the crowd like they do on TV.

Apparently, that's unacceptable in bowling.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat miner

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JustFapped69Times
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I carry a stone with me to throw at anyone who sings Christmas carols before Thanksgiving.

It is my jingle bell rock.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
🚨︎ report
My job lets me take a week off as long as I live at the Sigma Chi house and totally throw down with the bros.

It's paid fraternity leave.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Frasier_n_Chill
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Can a ninja throw stars?

Shurikan

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HeartBreakKid99
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend started to get rowdy and throw around bread...

I had to read him the rye-ot act

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the Mexican man throw his wife off the bridge?

Tequila

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Canadbis
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Hagrid cremates Harry Potter and throws his ashes into a snowstorm

"You're a blizzard, Harry"

πŸ‘︎ 140
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Catsu_Miola
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the kid throw the clock out the window?

He wanted to see time fly!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to explain to my kids why the ball comes back down when they throw it up

But they don't understand the gravity of the situation

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gone_Aria
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the trick or treater throw out their left twix bar?

It didn't taste right

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did she throw the butter out of the window?

Because she wanted to see a butterfly.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amithothunk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What do Canadians say when they throw pasta off a cliff?

That’s a farfalle!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nate_hawwk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the crowd throw ice at his majesty?

Someone shouted β€œAll hail the king”

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jmahler0514
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know what would happen when you throw a Finnish sailor into the ocean?

Helsinki.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SkyStar1991
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
If you are ever in a food fight, throw the peas....

For everyone knows you need to give peas a chance...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oxfordthethird
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve been trying to throw away my trash can for weeks

but the garbageman keeps forgetting to take it.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the Mexican throw his wife off the balcony?

TEQUILA!

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/plxo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.

He said, β€œMaybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do divers throw themselves off the boat backside?

Cause if they did it forward, they'd land on the boat

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/figue101
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a ghost’s favourite thing to throw?

A boo-merang!

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaseCeer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know back in midevil Russia they had a specific hole that they would throw their rulers in for being too facetious

It was called the tsar chasm

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TalontedJay
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you throw a party for an alien?

You have to plan-et.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens when you throw a yellow rock into a purple stream?

It makes a splash

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MildBanana
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
No matter how far you throw an envelope,

It will always be stationary.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UltimateProSkilz
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I forgot how to throw a boomerang, but then...

A vegan told me throwing boomerangs is cultural appropriation so I just gave up.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justryingtokeepup
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate when people throw away clocks.

It’s a waste of time.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jolernaught
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you throw lima beans into a river?

A podcast

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Elruler22
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
If thor throws his hammer a long distance,

Does that make it Mjol-far?

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/toasterwaffle90
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?

Linoleum blown apart

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/puggoamber
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a man today at the supermarket throw all the butter, cheese, milk and cream off the shelf in a rage!

I thought "How dairy!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
You can throw an envelope as far as you want, but it’ll still be stationery.
πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InOPWeTrust
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2017
🚨︎ report
My old Vacuum finally broke and I had to throw it out.

I’ll miss that sucker.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spartacats
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did donald trump throw the sick eagle out of USA?

Because it was illeagle.

πŸ‘︎ 159
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/darealhama
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I caught a fish this morning, felt compelled to throw him back

He looked shad.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/U4gotmycheese
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Why would someone throw away this perfectly good cowch
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/diddlyDIQface
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the clown throw his clock out the window.

Because he wanted to see time fly.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCrimsonPyro
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend: *Throws salt at me*

Me: Don’t assault me!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Awklop1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I've always hated throw pillows, but this one is dope!
πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrBruh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Throw the log on the fire
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SwiftlyGinger
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Don't throw a snake like a boomerang.

It'll come back to bite you.

πŸ‘︎ 213
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
🚨︎ report
When you don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out...

Urine trouble

πŸ‘︎ 109
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do people throw away unsharpened pencils?

Because they're pointless

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mijuzz7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does it hurt when you throw a gas container at someone?

Because it's propain

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IAmALoser44
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
When I was younger, my Dad used to throw quarters at me whenever I acted stupidly.

He said, β€œMaybe that’ll knock some cents into you.”

πŸ‘︎ 353
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
🚨︎ report
I always carry a stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October.

I call it my jingle bell rock.

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a crab that throws things?

Lobster

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrdangwangpang
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the kid throw the clock out the window?

He wanted to see time fly!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you throw a space party?

You planet

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SB99999
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you throw a party in space?

You planet!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fatboyonadiet4lyf
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you throw a space party?

You Planet.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alunde05ps
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you throw a party in space?

You planet.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report

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