"Dad, how do you cast spells?"
"You just follow the instructions."
"Yeah, they're the ones."
When I woke up from a car accident in a full body cast my wife was right there at my side
To let me know that childbirth is still more painful.
Working on a crossword puzzle. Can anyone tell me the first initial and last name of the lead actor from Cast Away?
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures that you end up in the cast.
It’s a pity they didn’t cast Ryan Reynolds as Jay Gatsby,
since he’s both Green Lantern and Deadpool
What do you call the cast of a spelling bee?
I’m surprised they didn’t cast Ryan Reynolds as Jay Gatsby given all his experience.
He already played Green Lantern AND Deadpool
Took my son fishing yesterday and there was a dolphin. When I cast out my bait he asked "are you trying to catch him?"
Me; "Not on porpoise"
He laughed 12 year old girl next to us cringed and said "porpoise... really?"
Joke had desired effect.
Did you hear about the new sitcom reboot with an all Hispanic cast?
Doctor: I think your arm is broken. I’ll put you in a cast and you’ll recover.
Dad: That’s great. But I don’t see how being in a movie would help.
Student with a cast on his arm walks in to class and says “I can’t write with my right hand today.”
I ask, can you left with your left hand?
Many students gave me props for the dad joke. One student said I sound like their dad. While I have no kids of my own, I’m glad I get to practice my dad jokes on my students.
People don’t approve when I run up to them on the street and try making a plaster cast of their faces.
At least that’s the impression that I get.
The cast of Aquaman found it hard shooting underwater sequences because they couldn’t hear each other. Except,
People get really upset when I run up to them in the street, and try to make plaster casts of their faces.
At least that’s the impression I get.
Did you hear Charlize Theron has been cast in the next Ant-Man movie?
It's going to be called "Subatomic Blonde."
What kind of Nurse can cast spells?
What did they say when the first metal-cast bust was made?
Wow, that artist is really forging a head
Cast your vote, bitches (dogs, sires, and dams too)!
Doctor: Your hand is broken. I’ll put you in a cast, and it’ll recover.
Me: Wow! Thanks. I always wanted to be in a movie.
When I was little, we went to an outdoor lecture featuring the original cast of Star Trek. I was especially excited to see Bones. Unfortunately, we were seated toward the side of the amphitheater, where huge oaks had been planted to frame the stage.
As a result, I couldn't see DeForest through the trees
Theater sign: it’s all fun and games until someone ends up in a cast.
This morning while waiting for a nurse to take the cast off my leg.
Nurse walks past my bed, trying to find someone else. She looks at me and asks, "Kane?"
I replied, no thanks.. I already have my crutches.
When the leaves are falling, the setting sun casts shadows across the hills, and a warm breeze blows, ain't that just...
First image of the new Star Wars cast. (x-post from r/pics)
The cast of Stranger Things was told to rate The Office on a scale from 1 to 10
It was given an 8 and 1/2 by Eleven
First image of the new Star Wars cast (x-post from /r/pics)
I heard that they are making a Star Wars movie with an Hispanic cast.
I'd like to thank my cast iron pan
But let us not forget our exceptional crew iron pan!
Why is Father Time always in a cast?
Day breaks and night falls.
Did you hear about the all sheep and goat cast of Casablanca?
The movie's signature line was "here's looking at ewe kid."
A photo of my dad holding up my sister after she got a body cast. [xpost from /r/pics]
At an antique store today with my grandfather I picked up a cast-iron candelabra and commented on how heavy it was...
He turned to me, gave a knowing smile and said; 'Don't worry - it gets lighter when you put some candles in it.'
He's the best.
The cast of The Wizard of Oz were asked if they would consider acting in a sequel...
They all said yes except for the Tin Man. He was a bit rusty.
David Bowie was gonna be cast in a movie but...
they made some ch-ch-ch-changes.
Got the cast of a show I'm working on
During notes for a show I am working on, they mentioned something about pots and a character. In this context, they cook crabs, lobsters, and clams on stage.
Me- Well, that will certainly make Sue crabby.
They booed me