One way to cast a stone
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πŸ‘€︎ u/equazcion
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
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"Dad, how do you cast spells?"

"You just follow the instructions."

"Which instructions?"

"Yeah, they're the ones."

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLaffGaff
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
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When I woke up from a car accident in a full body cast my wife was right there at my side

To let me know that childbirth is still more painful.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NHl20-Fan
πŸ“…︎ May 22
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Working on a crossword puzzle. Can anyone tell me the first initial and last name of the lead actor from Cast Away?

Thanks.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spongebue
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
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Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
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Breaking a leg during an audition ensures that you end up in the cast.
πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xddz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
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It’s a pity they didn’t cast Ryan Reynolds as Jay Gatsby,

since he’s both Green Lantern and Deadpool

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joespofforth
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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What do you call the cast of a spelling bee?

bee-witched

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πŸ‘€︎ u/countryboyathome
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
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I’m surprised they didn’t cast Ryan Reynolds as Jay Gatsby given all his experience.

He already played Green Lantern AND Deadpool

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snake_lamp
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
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Took my son fishing yesterday and there was a dolphin. When I cast out my bait he asked "are you trying to catch him?"

Me; "Not on porpoise"

He laughed 12 year old girl next to us cringed and said "porpoise... really?" Joke had desired effect.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shootinstraight88
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
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Did you hear about the new sitcom reboot with an all Hispanic cast?

The Juander Years

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πŸ‘€︎ u/w00tah
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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Doctor: I think your arm is broken. I’ll put you in a cast and you’ll recover.

Dad: That’s great. But I don’t see how being in a movie would help.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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Student with a cast on his arm walks in to class and says β€œI can’t write with my right hand today.”

I ask, can you left with your left hand?

Many students gave me props for the dad joke. One student said I sound like their dad. While I have no kids of my own, I’m glad I get to practice my dad jokes on my students.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrono116
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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People don’t approve when I run up to them on the street and try making a plaster cast of their faces.

At least that’s the impression that I get.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
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The cast of Aquaman found it hard shooting underwater sequences because they couldn’t hear each other. Except,

Amber Heard

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FatFather1818
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
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People get really upset when I run up to them in the street, and try to make plaster casts of their faces.

At least that’s the impression I get.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
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Did you hear Charlize Theron has been cast in the next Ant-Man movie?

It's going to be called "Subatomic Blonde."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gnosticpopsicle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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What kind of Nurse can cast spells?

A Curse Practitioner

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timetogobby
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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What did they say when the first metal-cast bust was made?

Wow, that artist is really forging a head

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poisonhyvee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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Cast your vote, bitches (dogs, sires, and dams too)!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EvenBetterCool
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
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Doctor: Your hand is broken. I’ll put you in a cast, and it’ll recover.

Me: Wow! Thanks. I always wanted to be in a movie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
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When I was little, we went to an outdoor lecture featuring the original cast of Star Trek. I was especially excited to see Bones. Unfortunately, we were seated toward the side of the amphitheater, where huge oaks had been planted to frame the stage.

As a result, I couldn't see DeForest through the trees

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πŸ‘€︎ u/confibulator
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
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Theater sign: it’s all fun and games until someone ends up in a cast.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/michUP33
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2018
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This morning while waiting for a nurse to take the cast off my leg.

Nurse walks past my bed, trying to find someone else. She looks at me and asks, "Kane?" I replied, no thanks.. I already have my crutches.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snoop_cow_grazeit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2014
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Writing on someone's cast is the perfect time to add insult to injury reddit.com/r/Showerthough…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saggingrufus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
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When the leaves are falling, the setting sun casts shadows across the hills, and a warm breeze blows, ain't that just...

...awetumn?

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
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First image of the new Star Wars cast. (x-post from r/pics)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBasedGod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2017
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The cast of Stranger Things was told to rate The Office on a scale from 1 to 10

It was given an 8 and 1/2 by Eleven

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodStevening
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2018
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First image of the new Star Wars cast (x-post from /r/pics)

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/59/c2/13/59c213bf49ac94b6a0624c858f7318f5.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BattleClown
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2017
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I heard that they are making a Star Wars movie with an Hispanic cast.

Rogue Juan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobbymack44212
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2017
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I'd like to thank my cast iron pan

But let us not forget our exceptional crew iron pan!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chipsconcasey
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2017
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Why is Father Time always in a cast?

Day breaks and night falls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fine-rusty-knife
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2016
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Did you hear about the all sheep and goat cast of Casablanca?

The movie's signature line was "here's looking at ewe kid."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marcuccione
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2017
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A photo of my dad holding up my sister after she got a body cast. [xpost from /r/pics]
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πŸ‘€︎ u/queenpersephone
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2013
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At an antique store today with my grandfather I picked up a cast-iron candelabra and commented on how heavy it was...

He turned to me, gave a knowing smile and said; 'Don't worry - it gets lighter when you put some candles in it.'

He's the best.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeauYourHero
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2013
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The cast of The Wizard of Oz were asked if they would consider acting in a sequel...

They all said yes except for the Tin Man. He was a bit rusty.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kopextacy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2016
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David Bowie was gonna be cast in a movie but...

they made some ch-ch-ch-changes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cerb_the_Narwhal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2013
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Got the cast of a show I'm working on

During notes for a show I am working on, they mentioned something about pots and a character. In this context, they cook crabs, lobsters, and clams on stage.

Me- Well, that will certainly make Sue crabby.

They booed me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisisasubtext
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2015
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