When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me...

Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
We had an arsonist throw Molotov cocktails at driveways, sheds, and cars parked all around our neighborhood.

It really hit close to home.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theRiverknows86
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A man and his wife had a shed in their backyard. The neighbor asked which of them built it and they both replied that they had built it, leading to a massive argument.

It was a real He-Shed She-Shed situation.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AntiNinja40428
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about the buck who shed its antlers?

Oh, never mind... It's pointless.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DavideoandPhoto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
The neighbour's sheep failed to break into the grain shed.

There was no battering ram.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xXSparklePonyXx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
BREAKING NEWS The M6 has become blocked after a truck shed its load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes...

Police say the traffic is pretty stationery.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
On Earth Hour, we'd like to shed some light...

on the importance of saving energy.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone went into my shed and stole my limbo stick

How low can you go?

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StarEyedSiren
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I went out to my shed to find my gardening tools were flirting with other gardeners

These hoes ain't loyal

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hasdog_willtravel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone has stolen all my trainers and high visibility jackets from my shed.

They can run, but they cannot hide.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VanillaKidd
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I made a shed but my horse won't go inside

He says it doesn't look stable.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kapitallist
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad and I were building a storage shed. His pocket starts to beep until I got annoyed. I said β€œDad, what is that beeping? Turn it off!”

He pulls out a handheld plastic device and says β€œSorry kiddo, I left my Stud Finder on.”

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrOddYazz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a snake can't shed it's skin?

A reptile dysfunction.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/parakeetpoop
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What to you call a shed full of $20,000 worth of power tools?

A good start!

All hail makita cordless power tools!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Oldmate81
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
One night, beneath a full moon, I cut my hand on a rusty shed.

Now I'm a werehouse.

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
🚨︎ report
My 3-d printed she-shed by the seashore
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/itsacalamity
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I built a shed yesterday

Nailed it

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dravalo
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a runner that sheds their skin?

Usain Molt.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPlay3r13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I got my daughter a pony and tried to hide it in the shed but the shed collapsed

I guess it was unstable.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/r2devo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2018
🚨︎ report
I love going into the forest while the trees shed their leaves, but I hate it when people join me uninvited

Why can't they understand that, sometimes, I just want to be leaft alone?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankydanc
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2017
🚨︎ report
My neighbour chopped down a tree and it fell on my shed

he claims it was an Axe-cident

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Espadajin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad was fixing the brick wall on the side of our tool shed.

When he was stirring the mortar, he told me to get him something to stir it with, but he told me it couldn't be a fork. I asked why, and he said "cause then I'd be a mortar forker."

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bananasox
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2013
🚨︎ report
I was moving house and had to paint over everything; I shed a tear...

it was an emulsional time for me.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/navigator87
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2016
🚨︎ report
Proud Dad tear shed for my Star Wars fan son

My son out-of-the-blue said "When I grow up I'm going to run a Star Wars, like, park thing. And I'm going to have an elevator painted with Darth Vader on it and I'm going to call it Darth EleVader."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joealarson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2016
🚨︎ report
Hey anyone know how many tears were shed tonight?

Like a brazilllion.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotoriousHaze
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2014
🚨︎ report
The local motorway has become blocked after a lorry shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.

Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a snake who recently shed it's skin?

Snaked

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SinusMonstrum
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2017
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.