How do witches stay in shape?
How does Judy from Zootopia stay in shape?
She does a lot of hare-obics!
I was arrested for having jello in the shape of a gun in my bag
The officers charged me for having a congealed weapon
When migrating birds fly in the shape of a V, do you know why one side is always longer than the other?
That side has more birds.
My New Years resolution is to finally get in shape.
Round... possibly pear... I haven’t decided yet.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
I’m in great shape except for my pudgy midsection.
When geese are migrating they form a "V" shape, but do you know why one side is always longer than the other?
Because there are more geese on that side.
When I play battleship I like to arrange my ships in the shape of states...
I don't like rectangular shapes
i prefer triangle because they're kinda acute.
I made this video in good humor only... please do not take it as offense in any way, shape, or form!
Life as a Stay at Home Dad (honest humor nothing against Stay at Home Dads)
As as an aspiring father figure, I have the greatest respect for dads of every kind. In fact, much of this stems from the fact I’ve grown up from the age of 6 without a father of my own. I made this video as a comical representation of what I hope to be one day: a guy full of dad jokes and such humor.
Thank you for reading and enjoy!
While sailing across the ocean, the night watchman saw a dark shape in the distance. He called the First Mate, who also couldn't tell what it was. So he called the Captain. "I can't tell either," he said. "Fetch me an obstetrician."
The obstetrician came to the bridge, squinted into the night and said:
"Congratulations, Captain. It's a buoy!"
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo
My home's ply was in a bad shape
I am trying to get in shape by running on my treadmill every morning
But I dont feel like I'm getting anywhere
What is the horniest shape?
Most of my friends don't know that I'm actually a shape-shifting Norse god of mayhem and mischief.
I finally found a drink that will help me get my butt in shape.
Acetone.
For legal reasons, this is a joke.
What do you call a shape with one vertex?
Man walks into a barber shop: “Can you shape my afro like a sphere?”
Sorry, we don’t do that round hair.
What tree has fruits of all shapes and sizes
I am so out-of-shape! I just bought some running shoes
And I can't even keep up with them.
When you see birds flying in a “v” shape, you’ll see more birds on one side than the other. Want to know why?
It’s because there are more birds on that side.
... I’ll see myself out.
In an attempt to teach him shapes, I told my 2-year-old son to pick out the 3-sided shape with a 90 degree angle. He picked one...
It was the right triangle.
Cut the potatoes into penis shapes and fill your boat with them. Now you are the captain of a ...
The decision for a liquid to fill the shape of whatever container they are in is...
I got a car in the shape of a bone
So I was rolling coins from my tip money and placing the rolled up sleeves on each other forming a kind of pyramid shape:
My sister walks up to me and asks: “Are you creating a pyramid scheme?”
Did you see the porno featuring shapes?
At first I really didn't get it but in the end it came full circle.
What do you call a shape that gets into a car accident?
I'm inviting everyone to join me in a thought-session of Stephen King's iconic shape-shifting clown.
What's a funny geneticist's favorite shape?
A horse walks into a bar with a maths problem that says 'If a shape has a width twice the size of its length, which is the greatest in size?'
The barman says 'y, the long face'
I was attacked by a geometric shape!!!
How to locomotives get in shape to haul freight?
I’m out of shape because I was possessed by a lazy ghost.
I could use some exorcise.
Getting in shape for Chanukah
I'm looking to sell my Delorean. Good shape, low mileage... Only driven from time to time
I failed shop because I couldn't handle the bow saw used to cut intricate external shapes and interior cut-outs in woodworking
Why do birds fly in a V-shape?
because it takes too long to walk in a V-shape
If you crumble Tums over an ant hill, the ants will start making bizarre shapes from the mound...
They'll be tripping on antacid!
Yoga bends. Yoga stretches. Yoga realizes he’s completely out of shape.
The Earth has a doughnut shape.
Sometimes when birds fly, they fly in a V shape, and sometimes one side of that V is longer than the other. You know why that is?
There's more birds on that side.
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