How do witches stay in shape?

They do HEXERCISES

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
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How does Judy from Zootopia stay in shape?

She does a lot of hare-obics!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Neutraliscool
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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I was arrested for having jello in the shape of a gun in my bag

The officers charged me for having a congealed weapon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MushuTheGreat17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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When migrating birds fly in the shape of a V, do you know why one side is always longer than the other?

That side has more birds.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
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My New Years resolution is to finally get in shape.

Round... possibly pear... I haven’t decided yet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaymanRich
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
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I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.

After the first three, it was a D-light.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vehiclesales
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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I’m in great shape except for my pudgy midsection.

It’s my core weakness.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/malker84
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
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When geese are migrating they form a "V" shape, but do you know why one side is always longer than the other?

Because there are more geese on that side.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TempestWest
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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When I play battleship I like to arrange my ships in the shape of states...

Michigan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RontaukMonster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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I don't like rectangular shapes

i prefer triangle because they're kinda acute.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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I made this video in good humor only... please do not take it as offense in any way, shape, or form!

Life as a Stay at Home Dad (honest humor nothing against Stay at Home Dads)

As as an aspiring father figure, I have the greatest respect for dads of every kind. In fact, much of this stems from the fact I’ve grown up from the age of 6 without a father of my own. I made this video as a comical representation of what I hope to be one day: a guy full of dad jokes and such humor.

Thank you for reading and enjoy!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mosswyatt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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While sailing across the ocean, the night watchman saw a dark shape in the distance. He called the First Mate, who also couldn't tell what it was. So he called the Captain. "I can't tell either," he said. "Fetch me an obstetrician."

The obstetrician came to the bridge, squinted into the night and said:

"Congratulations, Captain. It's a buoy!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesmartass1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.

So we did it squid pro quo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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My home's ply was in a bad shape

I had to reply

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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I am trying to get in shape by running on my treadmill every morning

But I dont feel like I'm getting anywhere

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thesaurususaurus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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What is the horniest shape?

Erectangle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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Most of my friends don't know that I'm actually a shape-shifting Norse god of mayhem and mischief.

I keep it Loki.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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I finally found a drink that will help me get my butt in shape.

Acetone.

For legal reasons, this is a joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BestWorstDisaster
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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What do you call a shape with one vertex?

A unicorner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blobmouth
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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Man walks into a barber shop: β€œCan you shape my afro like a sphere?”

Sorry, we don’t do that round hair.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nftpc
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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What tree has fruits of all shapes and sizes

The geometree

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πŸ‘€︎ u/agfwouldbecool
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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I am so out-of-shape! I just bought some running shoes

And I can't even keep up with them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreakyStarrbies
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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When you see birds flying in a β€œv” shape, you’ll see more birds on one side than the other. Want to know why?

It’s because there are more birds on that side.

... I’ll see myself out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/toasterpoodle
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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In an attempt to teach him shapes, I told my 2-year-old son to pick out the 3-sided shape with a 90 degree angle. He picked one...

It was the right triangle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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I'm out of shape
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BombchuMissile
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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Cut the potatoes into penis shapes and fill your boat with them. Now you are the captain of a ...

Dictatorship.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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The decision for a liquid to fill the shape of whatever container they are in is...

InVOLUMEtary

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minzato
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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I got a car in the shape of a bone

It's a Ca-marrow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TickLikesBombs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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So I was rolling coins from my tip money and placing the rolled up sleeves on each other forming a kind of pyramid shape:

My sister walks up to me and asks: β€œAre you creating a pyramid scheme?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ColinHenrichon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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Did you see the porno featuring shapes?

At first I really didn't get it but in the end it came full circle.

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πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
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What do you call a shape that gets into a car accident?

A rectangle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jason_Boyd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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I'm inviting everyone to join me in a thought-session of Stephen King's iconic shape-shifting clown.

Come to think of IT.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ankit_dey
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
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What's a funny geneticist's favorite shape?

A pun-nett square

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnloosedCake
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
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A horse walks into a bar with a maths problem that says 'If a shape has a width twice the size of its length, which is the greatest in size?'

The barman says 'y, the long face'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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I was attacked by a geometric shape!!!

It was a vicious circle!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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How to locomotives get in shape to haul freight?

They train.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/baconaboot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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I’m out of shape because I was possessed by a lazy ghost.

I could use some exorcise.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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Getting in shape for Chanukah
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robuttocks
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
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I'm looking to sell my Delorean. Good shape, low mileage... Only driven from time to time
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlakthusDisko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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I failed shop because I couldn't handle the bow saw used to cut intricate external shapes and interior cut-outs in woodworking

I had trouble coping.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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Different Shapes
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naked_Guy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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Why do birds fly in a V-shape?

because it takes too long to walk in a V-shape

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chilly78765
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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If you crumble Tums over an ant hill, the ants will start making bizarre shapes from the mound...

They'll be tripping on antacid!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nitrocloud
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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Yoga bends. Yoga stretches. Yoga realizes he’s completely out of shape.

Yoga pants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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The Earth has a doughnut shape.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBrokenMop
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
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Sometimes when birds fly, they fly in a V shape, and sometimes one side of that V is longer than the other. You know why that is?

There's more birds on that side.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BDKhXc
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2017
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