7yo daughter told me this one; How do lazy people stay in shape?
Me: the earth isn’t flat. Fiat Earther: correct. Me: huh? Fiat Earther: it’s the shape an italian car. Me: what?
Fiat Earther: you read my name wrong didn’t you?
My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape
That would be a big step forwards
I made an explosive snow man in the shape of a cow
What is the best shape to catch a Power Ranger with?
A trapezord.
Alternatively, the best shape to catch a homeless crustacean doctor is a trapezoidburg.
I went to the geometry store because I was looking to buy a shape with 4 or less sides...
But I couldn’t find any! They were all gons!!!
During my work presentation, I was asked why I struggle with shapes.
I said I would triangle back to that question later on.
I am sooo out of shape...
Yesterday, I changed my mind twice and broke out in a sweat.
How does Judy from Zootopia stay in shape?
She does a lot of hare-obics!
How do witches stay in shape?
I was arrested for having jello in the shape of a gun in my bag
The officers charged me for having a congealed weapon
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
When migrating birds fly in the shape of a V, do you know why one side is always longer than the other?
That side has more birds.
My New Years resolution is to finally get in shape.
Round... possibly pear... I haven’t decided yet.
I’m in great shape except for my pudgy midsection.
When I play battleship I like to arrange my ships in the shape of states...
While sailing across the ocean, the night watchman saw a dark shape in the distance. He called the First Mate, who also couldn't tell what it was. So he called the Captain. "I can't tell either," he said. "Fetch me an obstetrician."
The obstetrician came to the bridge, squinted into the night and said:
"Congratulations, Captain. It's a buoy!"
What is the horniest shape?
I made this video in good humor only... please do not take it as offense in any way, shape, or form!
Life as a Stay at Home Dad (honest humor nothing against Stay at Home Dads)
As as an aspiring father figure, I have the greatest respect for dads of every kind. In fact, much of this stems from the fact I’ve grown up from the age of 6 without a father of my own. I made this video as a comical representation of what I hope to be one day: a guy full of dad jokes and such humor.
Thank you for reading and enjoy!
I don't like rectangular shapes
i prefer triangle because they're kinda acute.
I am trying to get in shape by running on my treadmill every morning
But I dont feel like I'm getting anywhere
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo
My home's ply was in a bad shape
Most of my friends don't know that I'm actually a shape-shifting Norse god of mayhem and mischief.
Man walks into a barber shop: “Can you shape my afro like a sphere?”
Sorry, we don’t do that round hair.
What do you call a shape with one vertex?
I am so out-of-shape! I just bought some running shoes
And I can't even keep up with them.
What tree has fruits of all shapes and sizes
Cut the potatoes into penis shapes and fill your boat with them. Now you are the captain of a ...
I got a car in the shape of a bone
A horse walks into a bar with a maths problem that says 'If a shape has a width twice the size of its length, which is the greatest in size?'
The barman says 'y, the long face'
The decision for a liquid to fill the shape of whatever container they are in is...
What's a funny geneticist's favorite shape?
So I was rolling coins from my tip money and placing the rolled up sleeves on each other forming a kind of pyramid shape:
My sister walks up to me and asks: “Are you creating a pyramid scheme?”
How to locomotives get in shape to haul freight?
What do you call a shape that gets into a car accident?
Did you see the porno featuring shapes?
At first I really didn't get it but in the end it came full circle.
Getting in shape for Chanukah
I'm inviting everyone to join me in a thought-session of Stephen King's iconic shape-shifting clown.
When geese are migrating they form a "V" shape, but do you know why one side is always longer than the other?
Because there are more geese on that side.
Sometimes when birds fly, they fly in a V shape, and sometimes one side of that V is longer than the other. You know why that is?
There's more birds on that side.
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