Curve Puns

They’re just optical illusions.

but I'm only getting fatter.

-My dad

She rolled her eyes and sighed.

What have you got?

But now I stand corrected.

Or in other words, a paranormal distribution.

ThiKKK

I said, "It's a calc class, I guess you could say curves are integral to our class."

Groans filled the room. I laughed hysterically.

Ohh! Sorry I mean "sin" curve

Because of the Corn-iolis Effect

A Riechman sum

I picked up the stack, bent it back and forth, and told the poor class that it appears there is indeed a big curve.

My application reads: Why did the German archer refuse to adopt the Euro?

...

Because he missed his mark.

They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.

I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"

She said "I'm not, it's a coughy filter."

On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.

On the other hand, you don’t.

They were taking a walk but were way too close to each other given the social distancing orders. When I confronted them about the need to keep at least 6 feet apart, one of them looked at me dumbfounded and said, "We're just trying to flatten our curves!"

I have been fattening the curve rather than flattening it.

All the ese-curves mean you gotta be on your toes.

I thought,wow, that's pretty big

I guess we were ahead of the curve

I'm opting for the ladder.

I think he's mean.

There’s a steep learning curve.

They both grade on a curve

I told him, “woah, slow down buddy. Curve your enthusiasm”

She wears an algaebra.

Because it didn't have any curves.

You could say, it threw you a curve ball.

• What's the difference between mononucleosis and herpes? You get mono from snatching kisses.

• If you were to lose your left arm, you'd be all right.

• Why can't you hear a pteradactyl going to the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

• Communists only write in lower-case letters because they hate capitalism.

• I got a new job at the police sketching pictures of suspects. I'm a con artist.

• Cat Woman's real name is Catherine Woman.

• I have a new cat joke. ...Just kitt'en.

• How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for Fresh Prints. *

• Did you hear about the two men who stole a calendar? They got six months each.

• I just saw an Apple store get robbed. Does that make me an iWitness?

• Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

• I'm moving to Seoul. I was told it would be a good Korea move.

• Did you hear about the professor who was killed in a car accident? He was grading papers on a curve.

• Why isn't an iPhone charger called Apple Juice?

• Ever tr

involves a steep learning curve.

There once was a man who had a job driving a passenger train between two large towns. It could be a very dull job to some, but as the old saying goes, one man's trash is another's gold; he wanted to be a railroad man since he was a boy.

He was a wiz behind the controls of the train, and commanded the 15 car vehicle effortlessly as if he had been born to do the job. He prided himself on the fact that he could bend the rules and speed through curves and grades that made other motormen shiver and back off.

One day however, he wasn't so lucky and came round a bend too fast and derailed his train. He backed off the throttle and braked as much as he could, managing to only have one fatality out of 500 passengers on his train.

Months later there was a trial and he was found guilty of manslaughter in the highest degree, a capital offence in that land, and sentenced to die by electric chair. Punishment came swift, unlike most places, and 3 days after sentencing the former railroader was ask

But I hear the learning curve is very steep.

I apologize for this wall of text, I didn't know where I should cut out parts because they're all relevant to the story. Sorry again.

Hey TFR people! So for background, I work at a kiosk in a mall where I repair cracked phones and do other mind numbing work that I can now probably do in my sleep. I've been doing this job for a little over two years and can fix an iPhone, for example, in about 15 minutes. I apologize for the wall of text. Anyway, this story happened last night.

So, a family of three walk up (mother, father and daughter) but only the father spoke to me and this is where conversation starts. Note: When I was handed this girls phone she had a case with this image on it and was already about to laugh. Customer will be C and I of course will be Me.

C: How much does it cost to fix my daughters phone and can it be fixed?

Me: Oh it's very repairable, after tax and labor, it comes to

I picked it up and started caressing it with my hand making crooning noises.

Wife: What are you doing?

Me: Just feeling the wonderful curves of your booty.

Coworker was putting fresh water in her tea, which was too strong for her.

Me: Soooo...if you were to chart the level of flavor in tea vs. the amount of time you left the bag in the cup, would you end up with a steep curve?

Coworker: Stare

I have to wear it because of an unnatural curve in my spine. Whenever I reference it, my dad says "brace yourself" :/

and came across this picture of a distillation curve. Told him it's what distillation boils down to.

Student: How long is the test?

Teacher: Holds up test pretending to measure its dimensions "I'd say about eleven inches."

Another student: "Is there a curve?"

Teacher: Holds up test again this time bending it "Now there is."

Kid: "What's that disease called, the one that makes your spine all curved?"

Mom: "That's Scoliosis. It can also mess up your ribcage and shoulders."

Me: "The people who discovered Scoliosis actually had it themselves. It was a husband and wife team. I think their last name was Dover...

Kids: staring intensifies

Me: "... Ben Dover, and his wife Ilene Dover."

She wants diet Pepsi I want normal. Hers comes in a straight glass, mine in a standard pint glass. I turn to her and say:

"You can tell mine is full fat, the glass has curves".

They merely wanted to provide a phone with the flexibility their customers demanded. It's clear that Apple bends over backwards for their fans, and they wanted to build a flagship phone which does so, too.

You could say that the iPhone 6+ is ... ahead of the curve.

In the middle of his lecture he's asks

Teacher: What are those curved peanuts called? Girl: Cashews? Teacher: Bless you.

Collective Groan