PICKUP LINE PUNS (i made it just to warn you) youtube.com/watch?v=mtr0a…
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrantJohnson124
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2017
🚨︎ report
Parallel lines have so much in common,

Its a shame they'll never meet.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crowkiller06
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18
🚨︎ report
I matched with a woman named Samantha on tinder. Guess my opening line:

β€œCan we chat now or β€œSamantha” time? β€œ

Btw .. this is my true story

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hahaha_Joker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19
🚨︎ report
If everyone in the world linked hands and stood in a straight line

Most of them would drown

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xtilexx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22
🚨︎ report
There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator

Only a fraction of you will understand that

Edit: I see this joke has been quite divisive! Thank you to everyone who made this joke a thousand times better in the comments, you're all amazing, and thank you for the awards!

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhoenixFlamebird
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
Why do North Koreans draw the straightest lines?

Because they have a supreme ruler.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
I went to get a haircut on Saturday but the line outside was huge when l got there.

Then the owner came out giving free burgers and hotdogs to everybody there.

It was the best barber queue ever!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31
🚨︎ report
She was drinking alone so I went over to her and gave her my best pickup line...

She's apparently not a Ford F-series fan.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
Social Distancing Pickup Lines
  • If Covid-19 doesn't take you out, can I?
  • Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket are you happy to be within 6 ft of me?
  • Can't spell virus without U and I.
  • Do you need toilet paper cuz I can be your Prince Charmin.
  • I saw you checking me out from across the bar, stay there.
  • Hey Baby! Can I ship you a drink?
  • Can't spell quarantine without U R A Q T.

credit: some facebook post i saw.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shamblingman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
Steve Irwin's line of sunscreen has been discontinued.

Turns out it failed to protect you from harmful rays.

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MannDude
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
🚨︎ report
I got a pen in Barcelona. It writes so smoothly. I can get the finest lines out of it. Everyone is so surprised by it

Because no one expects the Spanish ink precision!

πŸ‘︎ 580
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ahh-potatoes
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
Rick Harris hooked up with this girl using his brother Neil's pick-up line...

The questions is, will Neil Patrick Harris on the back?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20
🚨︎ report
Parallel lines have so much in common.

It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

πŸ‘︎ 96
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/howiewu0402
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02
🚨︎ report
Why do thieves have such a hard time understanding puns (pun line underneath)

Because they take things literally

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Remsta08
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
🚨︎ report
What do you call several barbie dolls waiting in line?

BBQ

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chromosoma
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10
🚨︎ report
I'm really enjoying this line of scented bathroom candles Keanu Reeves is selling

I'm a fan of John Wicks

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/qmechan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17
🚨︎ report
What's the best vegetable at standing in a line?

The queue-cumber!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/42undead2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
🚨︎ report
There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator

Only a fraction of people know this

πŸ‘︎ 175
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rob_Haggis
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
Lines for urinals have become an increasing problem in containing the coronavirus.

So mind your pees in queues.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
Son, there is a fine line

Between a numerator and a denominator.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mycorona69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about the secret agent that was captured behind enemy lines with a sheepdog as part of his disguise?

When he was put to death, his captors ground him up and baked him in the oven covered in gravy and mashed potatoes.

When questioned as to why such a cruel and unusual punishment was administered, they stated that this was the only way to correctly execute a shepherd spy.

πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17
🚨︎ report
My son is the best ever at pulling the car aside a curb in line with other vehicles...

His parking is unparalleled!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
🚨︎ report
My son recently got casted as a sheep in a play but was nervous about forgetting his lines

I said "Son you're just feeling sheepish"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/liverpool135
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

πŸ‘︎ 111
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sontrii
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
I used to think toking weed and snorting lines of coke made me a cool guy

but it was all just smoke and mirrors.

πŸ‘︎ 95
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
Don't cross the line
πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stont753
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
My friend ties fishing line to the zipper of his bitches then throws homemade lures into the water...

He says fly fishing is great fun!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
🚨︎ report
What did one power line say to the other power line?

WaaaaZAAAP

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dangyougotme
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
I found a phone number where if you call it, it gives you a famous movie line

So call this number, and get your free quote today

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
🚨︎ report
When it comes to shops that don't have social distancing lines

I don't know where I stand.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05
🚨︎ report
People keep talking about eating clocks here, so I decided to eat one too while I was in line at the DMV.

Sure enough, my weight went up by several minutes.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01
🚨︎ report
Line dancing
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wtflagnard
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
What do you call 100 rabbits in a single file line marching backwards?

A receding hare line.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
konga line
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/H_Bop
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
We once were questioning a perp who wouldn't say anything without his coarse file with cutting points instead of lines. After getting it, he immediately confessed...

He talked with a rasp.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30
🚨︎ report
I've had some bad pickup lines, but this one is the cheesiest
πŸ‘︎ 219
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheVampireQueen7
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
"Wisdom" Puns/Pick-up lines

so im talking to this girl and her name is wisdom. Im horrible at coming up with puns/pick up lines and Im trying to think of a funny one but I cant. help.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
My friend was very irritated because his fishing pole broke and he had to wind up the fishing line manually.

He was being a reel crank.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
I mean normally the customer service at the chip shop is fine. But when there's huge lines and only a few teens working there? Then it's...
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElvisGrizzly
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
There's a fine line between the numerator and the denominator.

Only a fraction of the people will get this joke

πŸ‘︎ 682
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Reasonable-Loan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15
🚨︎ report
Nerdy pickup line

Are you a dry indehiscent fruit?

Because you’re kind of nutty!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blind_Hawk
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
I spent $2000 on a top-of-the-line DSLR camera to take a picture of a beautiful wheat field at sunset...

...turned out grainy.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
It’s a line of Coke!
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Harmful_Sadness
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
How do you like my new pickup line?
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hicksmix
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Good pickup line to use at the hairdresser's...

"...excuse me miss, do you comb hair often?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
I bought a brand-new top-of-the-line string trimmer of a guy on craigslist for only $20

it was a total Stihl

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrF4rtB4rf
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
I bought a digital book on how to scam on-line.

Have not received it yet.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NorthenBear
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
Which medieval line of work has been the most let down throughout history?

Guards.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Phripheoniks
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
What do you call a line of men waiting for a hair cut?

A barber queue

πŸ‘︎ 110
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report
Why do parallel lines get on so well?

Because they’re straight up with each other.

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/29jake09
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
🚨︎ report
Did you hear William Shatner was starting his own underwear line?

But β€œShatner Panties” was not a good business.

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awburrou
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
For my English final, I had to compose a lyric poem marked by exaltation of feeling and style, varying length of line, and complexity of stanza forms.

"Ode no!" I thought.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
There's a Fine Line Between a Bad Joke and a Dad Joke

You can see it in the middle of the "B"

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mwnciau
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
My son and I were hooking pegs onto a clothes line.

I said, if you drive you are a driver, if you hop then you are a hopper, so if you cook you are a cooker.

my son to his mother: Dad and I are hookers!!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hamadaeleleimy
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
COVID-19 Pickup lines:

I'm just kidding. Don't pick up COVID-19 in line. It's dangerous, stay home people.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/99-bottlesofbeer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
Finish line.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheManicMonocle
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, β€œIf you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face.”

That was the punchline...

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend is a beekeeper who comes from a long line of beekeepers.

He comes from old honey.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AdamantArmadillo
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
That line O-O
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wrench_Scar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
There is a fine line between saving and killing

Take 911 for example

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Firestone9999
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
The captain wanted all sailors of German descent to come out onto the top ship platform and line up...

It was all Hans on deck!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut?

A BBQ πŸ’ˆ(barber queue)

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
There's a fine line between

public and pubic

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/forreslump
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
Vegetarians are like parallel lines...

They never meat.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/saulfineman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
I was only a foot over the line
πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call when cute girls line up for a feast?

Barbie queue

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/troy_lc
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
🚨︎ report
There was a line of people outside of the gym I workout at the other day. I found it quite weird as the line of people were paying money just to hit each other.

Guess you could call it a punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/STRAlGHTCANCER
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
A lazy traffic judge told all the defendants to get in a line by last name alphabetically, and after hearing all the other cases arrested Jill Abbey

He found her to be out of order

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/darkstarman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face."

That was the punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 275
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skylly100
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œTan” line
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kkwong2003
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
How many lines will you make to have 1 joke?

A pun-liner.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-RED_CLAN-
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
🚨︎ report
I'm trying to compose my first haiku, but so far can only write one line.

Gotta start somewhere

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kseandoyle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
I called the tinnitus help line

It kept ringing

πŸ‘︎ 186
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FlopScratch
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend tried to get me to join his MLM scheme of selling devices for establishing a horizontal line by means of a bubble in a liquid that shows adjustment to the horizontal by movement to the center of a glass tube...

It'd make cents off so many levels.

/edit:rephrased punchline

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29
🚨︎ report
Just got the Father-in-law with this one... Me: At Disney World parades they keep people in line with masking tape on the ground.

Father-in-Law: And do people actually adhere to it? Me: No, cuz they put it sticky side down.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
What do you call a group of men standing in line waiting for a haircut?

A Barber Queue

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SovietLorax
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I got a job waiting in line to buy concert tickets for people.

It is a long standing commitment.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the new line of Beastie Boys DIY furniture? It comes with everything for step 2 and beyond.

But you gotta fight! For your right! To part A!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/claire_lair
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
I'm starting a new line of nut-free peanut butter.

It's called "I can't believe it's nut butter"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
SLPT: If your priest or bishop is molesting your children, tell them to run away in a straight line as priests and bishops can only move diagonally. /r/ShittyLifeProTips/comm…
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Heisenberg4269
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
there’s a fine line between a dad joke and a bad joke

that line is the Y-axis

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/soildressing
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
If you took all the people in the world who fall asleep during church, and laid them head to toe in a straight line

They’d all be a lot more comfortable

πŸ‘︎ 195
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the line cooks call the boss?

Soupervisor

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/warpedddd
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
🚨︎ report
Ya know, I saw superhero on the street once, he was in line for a hotdog, read this guys mind and saw that his head was in the clouds, and he just pushed in front of him!

If you ask me, that was pretty telepathetic of him.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NukulerNicky
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
🚨︎ report
Why did John Snow stand in line for 6 hours at Apple store?

For the watch!!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/str33techie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15
🚨︎ report
I need help writing a storyline where every line is a pun

Your prompt: Two chemists have discovered an "aggressive molecule"

If something good comes out of this, I will submit this and the story will be acted out as a play. No bamboozle.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Budderlord27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
The guy who paints the center line down the highway came into my deli for a quick bite...

He had to dine and dash.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report
What do you call 100 blondes waiting in line?

A Barbie-queue

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mitiamedved
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
The punch line is told first

How do you destroy a joke ?

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
The other day I went to get coffee with my boyfriend. Waiting in line, I asked him what he was getting and he said "Soy Latte"

I was proud to immediately come up with "Hola Latte, soy Dad!"

Turns out he doesn't know the least bit Spanish and this was lost on him...

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohjustforgetit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Line of coke(has this been done?)
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Monkey13049
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, β€œIf you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face.”

That was the punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
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Why do North Koreans draw the straightest lines?

Because they have a supreme ruler

πŸ‘︎ 296
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maxbergmusic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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