Parallel lines have so much in common,
Its a shame they'll never meet.
I matched with a woman named Samantha on tinder. Guess my opening line:
“Can we chat now or “Samantha” time? “
Btw .. this is my true story
If everyone in the world linked hands and stood in a straight line
There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
Only a fraction of you will understand that
Edit: I see this joke has been quite divisive! Thank you to everyone who made this joke a thousand times better in the comments, you're all amazing, and thank you for the awards!
Why do North Koreans draw the straightest lines?
Because they have a supreme ruler.
I went to get a haircut on Saturday but the line outside was huge when l got there.
Then the owner came out giving free burgers and hotdogs to everybody there.
It was the best barber queue ever!
She was drinking alone so I went over to her and gave her my best pickup line...
She's apparently not a Ford F-series fan.
Social Distancing Pickup Lines
- If Covid-19 doesn't take you out, can I?
- Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket are you happy to be within 6 ft of me?
- Can't spell virus without U and I.
- Do you need toilet paper cuz I can be your Prince Charmin.
- I saw you checking me out from across the bar, stay there.
- Hey Baby! Can I ship you a drink?
- Can't spell quarantine without U R A Q T.
credit: some facebook post i saw.
Steve Irwin's line of sunscreen has been discontinued.
Turns out it failed to protect you from harmful rays.
I got a pen in Barcelona. It writes so smoothly. I can get the finest lines out of it. Everyone is so surprised by it
Because no one expects the Spanish ink precision!
Rick Harris hooked up with this girl using his brother Neil's pick-up line...
The questions is, will Neil Patrick Harris on the back?
Parallel lines have so much in common.
It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
Why do thieves have such a hard time understanding puns (pun line underneath)
Because they take things literally
What do you call several barbie dolls waiting in line?
I'm really enjoying this line of scented bathroom candles Keanu Reeves is selling
What's the best vegetable at standing in a line?
There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
Only a fraction of people know this
Lines for urinals have become an increasing problem in containing the coronavirus.
So mind your pees in queues.
Son, there is a fine line
Between a numerator and a denominator.
Did you hear the one about the secret agent that was captured behind enemy lines with a sheepdog as part of his disguise?
When he was put to death, his captors ground him up and baked him in the oven covered in gravy and mashed potatoes.
When questioned as to why such a cruel and unusual punishment was administered, they stated that this was the only way to correctly execute a shepherd spy.
My son is the best ever at pulling the car aside a curb in line with other vehicles...
His parking is unparalleled!
My son recently got casted as a sheep in a play but was nervous about forgetting his lines
I said "Son you're just feeling sheepish"
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.
Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
I used to think toking weed and snorting lines of coke made me a cool guy
but it was all just smoke and mirrors.
My friend ties fishing line to the zipper of his bitches then throws homemade lures into the water...
He says fly fishing is great fun!
What did one power line say to the other power line?
I found a phone number where if you call it, it gives you a famous movie line
So call this number, and get your free quote today
When it comes to shops that don't have social distancing lines
I don't know where I stand.
People keep talking about eating clocks here, so I decided to eat one too while I was in line at the DMV.
Sure enough, my weight went up by several minutes.
What do you call 100 rabbits in a single file line marching backwards?
We once were questioning a perp who wouldn't say anything without his coarse file with cutting points instead of lines. After getting it, he immediately confessed...
I've had some bad pickup lines, but this one is the cheesiest
"Wisdom" Puns/Pick-up lines
so im talking to this girl and her name is wisdom. Im horrible at coming up with puns/pick up lines and Im trying to think of a funny one but I cant. help.
My friend was very irritated because his fishing pole broke and he had to wind up the fishing line manually.
He was being a reel crank.
I mean normally the customer service at the chip shop is fine. But when there's huge lines and only a few teens working there? Then it's...
There's a fine line between the numerator and the denominator.
Only a fraction of the people will get this joke
Nerdy pickup line
Are you a dry indehiscent fruit?
Because you’re kind of nutty!
I spent $2000 on a top-of-the-line DSLR camera to take a picture of a beautiful wheat field at sunset...
How do you like my new pickup line?
Good pickup line to use at the hairdresser's...
"...excuse me miss, do you comb hair often?"
I bought a brand-new top-of-the-line string trimmer of a guy on craigslist for only $20
I bought a digital book on how to scam on-line.
Have not received it yet.
Which medieval line of work has been the most let down throughout history?
What do you call a line of men waiting for a hair cut?
Why do parallel lines get on so well?
Because they’re straight up with each other.
Did you hear William Shatner was starting his own underwear line?
But “Shatner Panties” was not a good business.
For my English final, I had to compose a lyric poem marked by exaltation of feeling and style, varying length of line, and complexity of stanza forms.
There's a Fine Line Between a Bad Joke and a Dad Joke
You can see it in the middle of the "B"
My son and I were hooking pegs onto a clothes line.
I said, if you drive you are a driver, if you hop then you are a hopper, so if you cook you are a cooker.
my son to his mother: Dad and I are hookers!!
COVID-19 Pickup lines:
I'm just kidding. Don't pick up COVID-19 in line. It's dangerous, stay home people.
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, “If you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face.”
That was the punchline...
My friend is a beekeeper who comes from a long line of beekeepers.
There is a fine line between saving and killing
The captain wanted all sailors of German descent to come out onto the top ship platform and line up...
What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut?
There's a fine line between
Vegetarians are like parallel lines...
I was only a foot over the line
What do you call when cute girls line up for a feast?
There was a line of people outside of the gym I workout at the other day. I found it quite weird as the line of people were paying money just to hit each other.
Guess you could call it a punchline.
A lazy traffic judge told all the defendants to get in a line by last name alphabetically, and after hearing all the other cases arrested Jill Abbey
He found her to be out of order
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face."
How many lines will you make to have 1 joke?
I'm trying to compose my first haiku, but so far can only write one line.
I called the tinnitus help line
My friend tried to get me to join his MLM scheme of selling devices for establishing a horizontal line by means of a bubble in a liquid that shows adjustment to the horizontal by movement to the center of a glass tube...
It'd make cents off so many levels.
Just got the Father-in-law with this one... Me: At Disney World parades they keep people in line with masking tape on the ground.
Father-in-Law: And do people actually adhere to it?
Me: No, cuz they put it sticky side down.
What do you call a group of men standing in line waiting for a haircut?
I got a job waiting in line to buy concert tickets for people.
It is a long standing commitment.
Have you heard about the new line of Beastie Boys DIY furniture? It comes with everything for step 2 and beyond.
But you gotta fight! For your right! To part A!
I'm starting a new line of nut-free peanut butter.
It's called "I can't believe it's nut butter"
SLPT: If your priest or bishop is molesting your children, tell them to run away in a straight line as priests and bishops can only move diagonally. /r/ShittyLifeProTips/comm…
there’s a fine line between a dad joke and a bad joke
If you took all the people in the world who fall asleep during church, and laid them head to toe in a straight line
They’d all be a lot more comfortable
What did the line cooks call the boss?
Ya know, I saw superhero on the street once, he was in line for a hotdog, read this guys mind and saw that his head was in the clouds, and he just pushed in front of him!
If you ask me, that was pretty telepathetic of him.
Why did John Snow stand in line for 6 hours at Apple store?
I need help writing a storyline where every line is a pun
Your prompt: Two chemists have discovered an "aggressive molecule"
If something good comes out of this, I will submit this and the story will be acted out as a play. No bamboozle.
The guy who paints the center line down the highway came into my deli for a quick bite...
What do you call 100 blondes waiting in line?
The punch line is told first
How do you destroy a joke ?
The other day I went to get coffee with my boyfriend. Waiting in line, I asked him what he was getting and he said "Soy Latte"
I was proud to immediately come up with "Hola Latte, soy Dad!"
Turns out he doesn't know the least bit Spanish and this was lost on him...
Line of coke(has this been done?)
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, “If you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face.”
Why do North Koreans draw the straightest lines?
Because they have a supreme ruler