I was starting to get worried about my Karma points on Reddit...
But getting over it was a piece of cake.
My kid is at the point where they want to put bandaids on everything...
I swear this is a true organic dad joke I had tonight. Felt I’d share it with reddit.
My kid came up to me and says “oh no, look dad, it needs a bandaid” as she gently presents her imaginarily injured bouncy ball.
I looked at my kid and said “I don’t think it needs a bandaid, he looks like he’s going to bounce back”
Most people consider the Battle of Gettysburg the turning point of the American Civil War
For the Confederacy, it all went South from there
Did you guys hear about the new Space Jam sequel where Marvin the Martian joins the Monstars, scores all of their points and they win it all?
You should check it out, it’s a really good Martian Scores’easy film
A man drew a line in the middle of himself to prove a point...
What do you call a person who points out the obvious
The person who points out the obvious
There is no point in adding an extra 's' to the word needles.
The XFL hit their lowest point ever.
My 9 month pregnant wife is ready to have our child any day now, but they just won’t come. She’s tried everything she can at this point. Sex, walking, dancing, spicy foods, etc... So when I asked her what I could do to help she said “any means necessary.”
To which I replied “No it doesn’t.”
My cat got 10/10 points at a beauty contest
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!”
The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!"
At one point in my life I wanted to become a plumber
There's no point in getting mad at lazy people
They haven't done anything
Why did the architecture student get points off on his blueprint of a Soviet house?
Unnecessary Marx and Engels.
I don't get the point of circles
I don’t see the point of slurry
I was racing with my younger brother on the track, and then he got mad that I didn’t draw a finish line marker on the sand. We kept racing but he kept losing, and at one point he got so mad he threw a tantrum and started hitting and punching and kicking me furiously
.....and that’s when I drew the line.
Why couldn't the point go any further?
Beacuse it was the end of the line
The school made the use of "bullet points" illegal because it incited violence in the classroom, and I must admit I couldn't have cared less. That's all changed now, though.
The bus driver isn't allowed to drive my kids anymore because we live on a dead end street.
Her anger jumped discontinuously at that point in time.
Me: My love for you is 0/0
Her: Aww, infinite?
Her: Why are you like this, is there no limit to your stupidity?
Me: Umm, now that you say it, I should've applied a limit to it.
Her: I want to break your bones, ugh.
Me: So are you saying that I'll have to re-visit the l'hospital?
Wait wait, they've got a point
Louis Braille raised a valid point that made sense.
Point finger: “what’s that?”
My two year old pointed across the street and asked, “what’s that?”
I tried to guess and he is often trying to learn the names of things. “A tree? A car? Grass? A bird?”
No to all of them.
Then he said, “it’s a finger.”
I got dad joked by my two year old.
I explained to my wife, "Darling, it doesn't matter if your cup is half full or half empty, my point is..."
"You need to buy a different size bra!"
[REQUEST] I'll get straight to the point, I need a knife pun
As the title says, I need a pun that involves two unlikely friends. Knives and Charity/donations.
Any help would be appreciated!
Knife to be here in this community
Truly a man of many points
I buy yogurt to the point where some people call it hoarding
But I know it’s just cultured behaviour
After an argument, my cooking instructor wants me to stew goose feathers gently below or just at the boiling point...
She wants me to simmer down!
I like the smell of my wife whenever she complains about justifiable points
I really like her fairer moans
Yesterday I had a 10-point, an 8-point, and a 4-point buck in my yard at the same time.
As an immigration officer, I may not always agree with your point of view..
But I can see where you are coming from.
I was having an argument with my wife and she said I had a point
I didn't realise we were meant to keep score
My ex girlfriend had the laziest cat, she was so lazy I actually at one point thought it was dead.
Turned out it was just catatonic.
A man drew a line on himself to prove a point
The XFL just hit their lowest point ever.
I don’t get the point of slurry