What did the sniper say when asked why he couldn't kill his target when he realized it was his long lost best friend?

"I really missed him."

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevehrowe2
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
guess you could call her a missile because she really homed in on her target
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CozyHerbivore
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
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Right on target...
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OldSchoolJedi80
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I always use avocados in target practice...

I guess you could make some Glockamole.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisissparta10
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
Why did the thief target the local pizza shop??

Because they are rolling in the dough..

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShadowDaddo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
I tried walking into target but...

I missed

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amazingdragonboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does Harry Potter only shop at Target?

Because he hates Waldemart.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/85-McFly-121
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Walking past the maternity department at Target, I said to my wife...

"It's great that they have clothes for both expecting parents"

https://i.imgur.com/n9YPBrD.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orthogonius
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
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Seems there's been a lot of coverage about a serial pick-pocketer that targets little people

How could anyone stoop so low?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
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Saw these two magazines next to each other at Target and couldn’t help myself.
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ookitarepanda
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
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I met with my friend who said he developed a weapon to harness the wind and propel it like a bullet. We took turns firing at a target he had in his yard...

We shot the breeze.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My dog bit off my cat's tail off today. My dad said I should take the cat to Target

Since they are such a good retailer

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Challengedildo
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you go to Target and leave without buying anything?

Target practice

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FortuneAndGlory
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do aliens always target farms?

Because they have a tractor beam.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DavosAlexander
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a duck that always hits the intended target?

A quackshot

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Helumiberg
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
How did the blind man get healed at Target

He bought and Icee

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NcisGibbsslap
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Who always hits their target, but only after a delay?

Lagolas

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goat_chortle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Target now selling canned frozen soup

I told my wife this and then showed her this that I found on a recent trip to Target.

https://imgur.com/gallery/tG3An8G

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Soter_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
🚨︎ report
A dad and son are at Target when the boy says β€œlook menswear”

Dad: men swear only when they stub their toes on a table.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EGuardo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Just got my wife at the Target

So I just had surgery and one of my restrictions is that I can't lift anything heavier than 20 lbs. Was at the Target today with the wife to return a lamp that she had purchased but then decided she didn't like. She parked the SUV and I opened the back to carry the lamp on the store. She said "What are you doing? You aren't supposed to lift anything!" I replied, "But it's light!"

Got the triple whammy. The groan, eye roll, and disgusted walk away from me and into the store. Had to carry the lamp, but it was worth it.

πŸ‘︎ 350
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Charles_Foxtrot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2015
🚨︎ report
I always eat lunch at Target....

It really hits the spot!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clever_pig
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
🚨︎ report
My Target Demographic imgur.com/FWm0aiE
πŸ‘︎ 312
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unosami
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2016
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 351
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Xenon_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2014
🚨︎ report
Daughter was running through Target

when she slipped and fell on her butt. She got up and brushed it off and my husband asked her if she was ok. When she said yes he replied, "are you sure? Because it looks like your butt has a crack."

Instant eye roll.

πŸ‘︎ 156
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jonijos
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2016
🚨︎ report
I just gave a friend a Target gift card...

"Don't spend it all in one place"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SyckTycket
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2017
🚨︎ report
I own a business where two folks jump from a plane and compete to hit the most targets as they fall to Earth.

It's called Pair a' Shooters

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/garbagearmy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I just got a job working in the apparel department for Target!

My friends tell me that it suits me well.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/firehaven38
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2017
🚨︎ report
Little brother dadjoked me in Target

LB: Why are the soda dispensers out of order?

Me: Something is broken and it hasn't been fixed yet.

LB: But they can just reorganize it!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pompous512
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2014
🚨︎ report
A Target cashier commented on my purchase

I was buying Goat Simulator as a gag gift for a friend. The cashier looks at it and I smile uncomfortably. He says, "Don't be sheepish about buying this".

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a-username-for-me
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2014
🚨︎ report
Fiance and I walk into Target

He runs ahead of me, stops, turns around, and stands there waiting for me to catch up.

"I just got a great preview...of you walking down the aisle to me."

Gonna make a great dad someday.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sunnie19
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2016
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the ninja take out his target while following him in the fog?

No one knows, it was a mist opportunity.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ApexDovah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2016
🚨︎ report
(At target) Look mom, a Dory ball...

I didn't think it was that cute

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bloopilot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2016
🚨︎ report
Dad at Target just got his kid

A little girl at Target is repeatedly meowing "Meow Meow Meow Meow." She's been at it for ~5 minutes.

Her dad says

"Hi Ow, I'm dad."

She stops.

He says "Oh, I thought you were saying 'Me ow' like 'I'm Ow.'"

She went right back to meowing. She must not have appreciated it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moonhowler22
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2016
🚨︎ report
Waitstaff, the next natural target for dadjokes, after family.

Waitress: . . . and my name's Jillian, if you need me.

Me: What's your name if we don't need you?

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wdn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2015
🚨︎ report
Dad-joked my friend in Target today.

Background: my friend and I had been trying on sunglasses for a trip we're going on and were going to checkout at the store...

Him: "I wish there were some form of self-checkout here"

Me: "Well... There were some mirrors back there by the sunglasses"

He was not amused.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Broseidon_Dude
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2014
🚨︎ report
2 friends who work as Janitors at a Target meet up after hours

They talked for a few hours while cleaning the store, and find a few isles that are way beyond "dirty". They decided to have a match. Whoever finishes their half of the area is deemed best janitor. Before they started, one of them scoffs and says, "I'ma wipe the floor with you"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeRp_Meister
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2016
🚨︎ report
Cashier at Target got me

I'm buying a few shirts, and he can't find the tag on one. He finally pulls it out of one of the sleeves and hits me with:

I've always got something up my sleeves

He makes eye contact with his mouth agape, chuckling.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oopssorrydaddy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2015
🚨︎ report
Homophones make you an easy target

As I'm getting into my dad's truck, I hit my knee on the glove compartment.

Dad: What did you hit?

Me: (guestures to the glove compartment) I just kneed this!

Dad: …but it's mine.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dropthebassoon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad and I noticed a hook and ladder outside of our local Target.

Dad: They must be having a fire sale.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBrainSturgeon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2016
🚨︎ report
Dad joked my daughter at Target

Me: do you want to look at anything while we're here?

Daughter: umm, no I don't want to see anything

Me: then you should probably close your eyes!

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mickguinness
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2014
🚨︎ report
Have you guys heard the news about the serial killer who only targets fat people?

Apparently he's into mass murder.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LoganPhyve
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2014
🚨︎ report
What would Walmart say if they bought out Target?

Target acquired.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crasken
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2015
🚨︎ report
Embarrassed my wife at Target

We had to pick up paper towels, and my wife had stopped and was looking at a couple packages.

Her: "I'm trying to see the difference between these two."
Me: "One is plain white, the other has prints."
Her: "Oh."
Me: singing "Purple stain, purple stain.."

She quickly walked to a different section of the store.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tracebusta
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2015
🚨︎ report
So the wife is shopping for a bra in Target...

Wife: I'm looking for a wireless nursing bra. Help me find one.

Me: So you want something that comes with WiFi?

Wife: Go wait in the car...

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TastesLikeCashew
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2014
🚨︎ report
Was walking around Target last night...

When I saw these pens and pointed out to my fiancΓ© how pointless they are. Everyone in the aisle groaned.

http://imgur.com/hhj2KNl

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sfs40
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2014
🚨︎ report
Two dad jokes in target.

Two dad jokes in target.

My wife calls and asks "did you remember to buy milk?"

I replied "I'll give you two guesses!"

Then the cashier asked of I wanted milk in a bag and I said "nah let's keep it in the carton, thanks"

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JordanMichael08
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2014
🚨︎ report
In Target

I take my daughter into target, and tell her if she is good, she can pick a snack.

Well, the first thing in there is the snack counter, and she says "I pick popcorn!"

I tell her "No, you pick regular corn, and then pop it".

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wimpanzee
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2014
🚨︎ report
I work at target

And our deep freezer is extremely cold.... i was back stocking some ice cream and my ear lobes had gotten hard for some reason..... i looked over at my fellow team member and said "hey man wanna feel my earection?" To which he replied "you mean your bonear?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darth_Grandma
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2014
🚨︎ report
Found myself telling a dad joke earlier today at Target...

My wife, daughter, and I were shopping for gifts for a baby shower and were checking out after getting what we needed. My wife handed the list to the cashier so should could scan the barcode and here is what happened next:

Me: Oh, you scan that so it shows what has been bought?

Wife: Yeah

Me: I didn't know that. Only thing I've ever bought for a shower is an umbrella.

Cashier laughed, wife just rolled her eyes....

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spqr2001
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2014
🚨︎ report

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