A robot from the future decided to avoid eliminating its target for as long as possible

It's a Procrastinator.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Khaos_Gorvin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report
I tried to walk into a Target Store today...

and I completely missed

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
Scientists developed a male birth control gel but it only targets the X/Y chromosome

Theyre calling it "Son-Block"

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Two ninjas are sneaking up on their target when one of the ninjas asks the other: "do you think you can hit him from here?" and the ninja says:

"I shuriken"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XxQuarterizexX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the machine gunner keep missing his targets?

He suffered from turret syndrome.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Right on target...
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OldSchoolJedi80
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Picking my cousin up from work at Target, asked her if she's in Style this week (fitting room/clothing)

Her dad said "she's never in style, she's always out of style. Her clothes never look good"!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/filipinochewy97
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a globe at Target...

I put it on the conveyor, and when the cashier picked it up to scan it, I said, β€œbe careful! That means the world to me!”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BertoftheDead
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the light rain hit the target?

It just mist.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hollyamf
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman checks out of target with two apples, a banana, and a quart of ice cream. The cashier asks, β€œAre you single?” The woman replies, β€œYes, how could you tell?”

β€œBecause you’re ugly.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/some-ginger-dude
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the sniper say when asked why he couldn't kill his target when he realized it was his long lost best friend?

"I really missed him."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevehrowe2
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
guess you could call her a missile because she really homed in on her target
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CozyHerbivore
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I always use avocados in target practice...

I guess you could make some Glockamole.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisissparta10
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the thief target the local pizza shop??

Because they are rolling in the dough..

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShadowDaddo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does Harry Potter only shop at Target?

Because he hates Waldemart.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/85-McFly-121
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Saw these two magazines next to each other at Target and couldn’t help myself.
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ookitarepanda
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Walking past the maternity department at Target, I said to my wife...

"It's great that they have clothes for both expecting parents"

https://i.imgur.com/n9YPBrD.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orthogonius
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Seems there's been a lot of coverage about a serial pick-pocketer that targets little people

How could anyone stoop so low?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Just got my wife at the Target

So I just had surgery and one of my restrictions is that I can't lift anything heavier than 20 lbs. Was at the Target today with the wife to return a lamp that she had purchased but then decided she didn't like. She parked the SUV and I opened the back to carry the lamp on the store. She said "What are you doing? You aren't supposed to lift anything!" I replied, "But it's light!"

Got the triple whammy. The groan, eye roll, and disgusted walk away from me and into the store. Had to carry the lamp, but it was worth it.

πŸ‘︎ 355
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Charles_Foxtrot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2015
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you go to Target and leave without buying anything?

Target practice

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FortuneAndGlory
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I met with my friend who said he developed a weapon to harness the wind and propel it like a bullet. We took turns firing at a target he had in his yard...

We shot the breeze.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My dog bit off my cat's tail off today. My dad said I should take the cat to Target

Since they are such a good retailer

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Challengedildo
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do aliens always target farms?

Because they have a tractor beam.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DavosAlexander
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 345
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Xenon_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2014
🚨︎ report
My Target Demographic imgur.com/FWm0aiE
πŸ‘︎ 314
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unosami
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2016
🚨︎ report
How did the blind man get healed at Target

He bought and Icee

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NcisGibbsslap
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Who always hits their target, but only after a delay?

Lagolas

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goat_chortle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Daughter was running through Target

when she slipped and fell on her butt. She got up and brushed it off and my husband asked her if she was ok. When she said yes he replied, "are you sure? Because it looks like your butt has a crack."

Instant eye roll.

πŸ‘︎ 151
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jonijos
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2016
🚨︎ report
Target now selling canned frozen soup

I told my wife this and then showed her this that I found on a recent trip to Target.

https://imgur.com/gallery/tG3An8G

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Soter_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I always eat lunch at Target....

It really hits the spot!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clever_pig
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
🚨︎ report
A dad and son are at Target when the boy says β€œlook menswear”

Dad: men swear only when they stub their toes on a table.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EGuardo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
🚨︎ report
I just gave a friend a Target gift card...

"Don't spend it all in one place"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SyckTycket
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the pistol miss its target?

Because it had Glock-oma

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gsato
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Little brother dadjoked me in Target

LB: Why are the soda dispensers out of order?

Me: Something is broken and it hasn't been fixed yet.

LB: But they can just reorganize it!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pompous512
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2014
🚨︎ report
I own a business where two folks jump from a plane and compete to hit the most targets as they fall to Earth.

It's called Pair a' Shooters

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/garbagearmy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
🚨︎ report
A Target cashier commented on my purchase

I was buying Goat Simulator as a gag gift for a friend. The cashier looks at it and I smile uncomfortably. He says, "Don't be sheepish about buying this".

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a-username-for-me
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2014
🚨︎ report
I just got a job working in the apparel department for Target!

My friends tell me that it suits me well.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/firehaven38
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2017
🚨︎ report
Fiance and I walk into Target

He runs ahead of me, stops, turns around, and stands there waiting for me to catch up.

"I just got a great preview...of you walking down the aisle to me."

Gonna make a great dad someday.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sunnie19
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2016
🚨︎ report
I tried walking into target but...

I missed

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amazingdragonboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report

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