It's a Procrastinator.
and I completely missed
Theyre calling it "Son-Block"
He suffered from turret syndrome.
Her dad said "she's never in style, she's always out of style. Her clothes never look good"!
I put it on the conveyor, and when the cashier picked it up to scan it, I said, “be careful! That means the world to me!”
It just mist.
“Because you’re ugly.”
"I really missed him."
I guess you could make some Glockamole.
Because they are rolling in the dough..
Because he hates Waldemart.
"It's great that they have clothes for both expecting parents"
How could anyone stoop so low?
So I just had surgery and one of my restrictions is that I can't lift anything heavier than 20 lbs. Was at the Target today with the wife to return a lamp that she had purchased but then decided she didn't like. She parked the SUV and I opened the back to carry the lamp on the store. She said "What are you doing? You aren't supposed to lift anything!" I replied, "But it's light!"
Got the triple whammy. The groan, eye roll, and disgusted walk away from me and into the store. Had to carry the lamp, but it was worth it.
We shot the breeze.
Since they are such a good retailer
Because they have a tractor beam.
He bought and Icee
when she slipped and fell on her butt. She got up and brushed it off and my husband asked her if she was ok. When she said yes he replied, "are you sure? Because it looks like your butt has a crack."
Instant eye roll.
I told my wife this and then showed her this that I found on a recent trip to Target.
It really hits the spot!
Dad: men swear only when they stub their toes on a table.
"Don't spend it all in one place"
Because it had Glock-oma
LB: Why are the soda dispensers out of order?
Me: Something is broken and it hasn't been fixed yet.
LB: But they can just reorganize it!
It's called Pair a' Shooters
I was buying Goat Simulator as a gag gift for a friend. The cashier looks at it and I smile uncomfortably. He says, "Don't be sheepish about buying this".
My friends tell me that it suits me well.
He runs ahead of me, stops, turns around, and stands there waiting for me to catch up.
"I just got a great preview...of you walking down the aisle to me."
Gonna make a great dad someday.