Frankenstein enters a body building competition and finds he has seriously misunderstood the objective
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leianarodriguez
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
At least, he "seas" his objective clearly...
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Manuelrcasimiro
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Are there a lot of first-person singular objective pronouns, or is it just me?
πŸ‘︎ 165
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Humeon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Photographic Objective imgur.com/Z5fgZ3u
πŸ‘︎ 307
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/captglorypants
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2015
🚨︎ report
A relatable inanimate object pun that I drawded.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I have started freezing different objects at -273.15Β°c and blowing them up. Seeing with items reacted differently.

I call it the 0k boomer experiment.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17
🚨︎ report
I just started a business where we specialize in weighing tiny objects.

It’s a small scale operation.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report
This one weird object will literally shock you!
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
What is the most sexual object in the world?

A door, because it wont stop banging the frame.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SirSnuffy
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
I call my wife the sex object.

Anytime i want sex, she objects.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrcharlesboyle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
I have no objection to people being spontaneous,

I just think there is a time and a place for it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
It’s funny they call them β€œunidentified flying objects”

I could identify them right away. those are ufos.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bbloobr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
A clock is the most likely object to get corona

because it always has its hands on it's face

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thatsgregbuddy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
My friend and I just started a business where we weigh tiny objects.

It’s a small scale operation.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
When people think of calculators they think the buttons are the most important thing

But it's what's inside that counts

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hungrysamy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
How do flat round throwing objects sort their opinional differences?

A Discussion

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Assfrontation
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
🚨︎ report
If you die from smoking weed does that mean that you were killed by a blunt object?
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
Meditate on it
πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OffDutyTaoist
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
🚨︎ report
I think I lost my sense of object permanence

Never mind its back

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jimi444
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
Why are three-dimensional objects so good at cutting down trees?

They have three axes.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whomikehidden
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
Them: Don’t treat women like objects

Me: Women women = new Women();

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/paoerfuuul
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Which weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

A gallon of water. Butane is lighter fluid.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rathabro
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My friends and I started a business where we weigh really tiny objects.

It’s a small scale operation.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What fee is connected to every wedding and no-one objects?

Photography

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Soylent_X
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I made an object that simulates how something travels downhill

I called it a roll model

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LashGips
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I just found out that a circle is the most pointless object
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jwp04
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
There are historical accounts of Attila and his army seeing strange otherworldly ships hovering over the battlefields.

These were Hun Identified Flying Objects.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
A 1-D object and a 2-D object walk into a bar

The 1-D object turns to the 2-D object

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/S4T4N1C
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œDear Diary, I think I have trouble distinguishing between inanimate objects and human beings.”

My therapist: Yes, I see that. Stop calling me Diary.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife was just swapping out objects on the mantle, and my son asked why she was putting bamboo up there.

I told him she was decorating for Halloween, and they both just gave me a flat look. Then with a grin on my face I simply said bamBOO!! Much to my wife’s dismay my 6 year old has been repeating it for the last 20 minutes.

πŸ‘︎ 195
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lancer611
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
🚨︎ report
A baby chameleon went to a therapist

Chameleon: The humans hate me

Therapist: What makes you say that?

Chameleon: My parents and siblings roam around their houses and kids' bikes, and it's all fine by the humans, but when I visit their neighborhood, they throw objects at me

Therapist: You need to learn to adapt to change

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vinayjrao
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?

They shake hands.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/broodjebushalte
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Bells are really obedient objects.

They only sound off when they are tolled.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gravydae420
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is it painful when you're hit with a vibrating object?

Because it Hertz.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mukundan_chariar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
🚨︎ report
What do scientists use to study high speed objects running into each other from a safe distance?

A collideoscope

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LeafyOneTwo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Wonder what they’d call a collection of exactly 1009 assorted objects back in Ancient Rome
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ErikMFoss
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about those new glasses that only focus on blunt objects

I can't see the point

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TannedCroissant
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
My friends and I started a business where we weigh tiny objects. reddit.com/r/3amjokes/com…
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrMakeItAllUp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
A Muslim woman wanted to fuck a gorilla. Her husband objected and said...

"That's Haram, bae."

πŸ‘︎ 261
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/anjelloe
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2016
🚨︎ report
My eye doctor is concerned because I keep walking headlong into objects...

He thinks it's a matter of life and depth.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the shortest object in the living room?

The pil-low.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdonkey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
If I’m being subjective, the greatest sci-fi series of all time is Dr. Who.

If I’m being objective, it’s Dr. Whom.

πŸ‘︎ 304
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I always used to get small shocks when touching metal objects, but it recently stopped.

Needless to say, I'm ex-static.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eleventhearlofmar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
I've always gotten small shocks when touching metal objects, but that stopped recently.

Needless to say, I'm ex-static.

πŸ‘︎ 126
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zamoose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2017
🚨︎ report
I just started a business for measuring microscopic objects.

It is a small scale operation.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
🚨︎ report
If weight of an object is measured in kilograms, weight of an image is measured in....

Insta-gram

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StonedRiverBridge
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Came up with this in calculus class

A calculus professor explains an example problem to her class.

"To do this, you need to find the initial position of the object."

A confused student asks, "y?"

"yβ‚€," says the professor.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iamnomad101
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Out of two objects, which one can you use to climb a wall?

The latter.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/freshoutofthebox
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a shirt that hangs down too low?

A gravi-tee

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zaros262
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I've often heard that "icy" is the easiest word to spell.

Looking at it now, I see why.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
🚨︎ report
How much do I like carving objects from wood?

Not much. Just a whittle.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elyas_machera
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I never learned when to properly use contractions but that is ok

it's what it's

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wawoodworth
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
One day, Kermit the Frog was a little short on cash, so he went to the bank to speak to a loan officer...

When he got there, a woman extended her hand.

"Good afternoon, sir," she said. "My name is Patricia Wack. How may I help you today?"

Kermit replied, "Hi-ho, Patricia! I'm Kermit the Frog, and I would like to borrow some money."

They walked over to her desk and sat down.

"Certainly, Mr. Frog--"

"Oh, just call me Kermit."

"Okay... Kermit. How much money would you like to borrow?"

"Ten thousand dollars."

Mildly surprised, Ms. Wack looked intently at Kermit.

"Do you have any references?"

"Well, I suppose I could use my father, Keith Richards."

Ms. Wack froze for a second, then...

"THE Keith Richards?"

"Oh, yes. In fact, he told me he's friends with your manager, which is why I came in here."

"Okay... Do you have any collateral?"

"Excuse me?"

"Collateral. Something of value, like a car, or a boat..."

"Oh, yes! I do have something. I have this."

Kermit reached into his briefcase and placed a small figurine on the desk. Patricia looked curiously at the object, then at our am

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...

β€œI could but I think the baker might object”.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
All objects

Have their own methods of doing things.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chasewhatmatters
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2012
🚨︎ report
If I’m being subjective, the greatest sci-fi show of all time is Dr. Who.

If I’m being objective, it is Dr. Whom.

πŸ‘︎ 403
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Two dyslexics walk into a bra
πŸ‘︎ 112
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Godredd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
XD pun
πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/XavierCatlow
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
🚨︎ report
How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bejkon533
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
So me and my girlfriend are out shopping for clothes...

Her: "My friend Van would love this shirt!"
Me: "I didn't know vehicles needed attire."
She gives me the 'are you serious' look.
Me: "Oh wait, they need at least four."
She proceeds to walk away.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WTFrank
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Displaying small objects in DT class

Back when I were a young whippersnapper, we had a woodworking project to create something that would let us display a small object.

After a few minutes of the teacher asking us what we would display, and a large number of frankly stupid responses, he told us to stop shouting out. Then someone suggested they display some scissors. He asked "Why would you want to display some scissors?!"

Without skipping a beat I yelled out "To display the cutting edge of technology!"

I can still see him staring at me now!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LynchGFX
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2015
🚨︎ report
There were 3 men on a boat, each had a cigarette but no means to light them

So they threw one overboard and the boat became a cigarette lighter.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MiiiiitchC
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
🚨︎ report
What do a rude Frenchman and a ruthless Englishman have in common?

No merci.

Sorry for the double post. Thought of a better wording.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alligatorblowgun
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2017
🚨︎ report
Why was the programmer always running into walls?

He couldn’t see sharp.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Son: Dad, what’s your favorite rock group? Dad: If I’m being subjective, I’d say The Who.

But if I’m being objective, I’d say The Whom.

πŸ‘︎ 425
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
🚨︎ report
To whoever stole my adhd meds

Oooooh shiny object

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelveyrocks
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call dust that only settles on certain objects??

Particular matter!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fc528e
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2014
🚨︎ report
Jeff, a semicolon, and an Oxford Comma goes to a bar...

Both of them had a great time.

πŸ‘︎ 305
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/g6mrfixit
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person of colour?

A 'hue' man.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amiahcaraveo1998
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the C++ programmer do so well at his new job as a packaging and design engineer?

Because he was very good at orienting objects.

(Okay this is a really technical dad joke, but isn't that what they're supposed to be?)

πŸ‘︎ 83
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jarvedttudd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Why are cyborg gynecologist sexist?

Because they treat women-like objects.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/resoredo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.

"Don't be daft," I replied. "A toilet is a stationary object."

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Whenever an inanimate object hurts me.

When I was little and would get hurt by an inanimate object and cry my dad would try to cheer me up by yelling "look what you did to the inanimate object!" at me.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cusejuice44
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2014
🚨︎ report
I want to learn about inertia

But I just don't know how to get the ball rolling

πŸ‘︎ 129
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/--Giraffe--
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you catch a mag fish?

With a magnet.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I love that the Earth spins

It really makes my day.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blue_Phoenix912
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2016
🚨︎ report
An Astronomy Lesson

One of the most interesting objects in the night sky is a fuzzy patch of stars known colloquially as the β€œSeven Sisters”. In order to find it, first find the constellation Orion, and follow the direction his Bow is shooting.

No thanks necessary, we aim to Pleiades.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding competition...

...he finds he has seriously misunderstood the objective.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tapoutmb
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Why was the man scared of the ball

Because he had a sfear of circular objects

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vladturapov
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Yoda got sick

He started screaming, counting to 3000 and back and was throwing objects everywhere

Luke : What kind of disease is this, Mr.Yoda

Yoda : Sparta, disease

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UnluckySamurai007
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Dr. Ann Kerr

Watching 'Operation Ouch' on Cbbc tonight with wife and kids. Someone called Dr. Ann Kerr appears on the show at some point. I couldn't help it, I said "I know her, she used to work in the Port of Dover". Kids didn't register. Murderous look from my wife. Have now put away all sharp objects just to be on the safe side.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maud_brijeulin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
🚨︎ report
So, I'm studying human perception as it relates to colour, right?

And the thing about eyes, sight, and light is that nobody really knows what colour anything is.

What we think of as colour is actually light reflecting off a surface in the visible light spectrum- nothing is inherently colourful on its own. So everything we see is actually in our own heads. Transfered light is reflecting off objects, into our eyes and being read/perceived by the brain as 'colour'.

It's all a pigment of our imagination.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SupremeCanadian
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
🚨︎ report
I just started my own business where we weigh tiny objects.

It’s a small scale operation.

πŸ‘︎ 331
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend and I started a business where we weigh tiny objects.

It’s a small scale operation.

πŸ‘︎ 169
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
🚨︎ report
I always used to get small shocks when touching metal objects, but it recently stopped...

Needless to say, I'm ex-static...

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2017
🚨︎ report
Frankenstein..

Frankenstein enters a body building competition, and finds he has seriously misunderstood the objective.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report

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