The real Pun-dit.
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︎ Mar 31 2018
So you know Gandhi? Walked barefoot, tough feet. Fasted a lot, so he was weak. Prayed a lot, real spiritual. Unfortunately, suffered from bad breath.
In other words, he was a super-calloused fragile mystic suffering from halitosis.
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︎ Apr 22 2021
The insaniTEA is real
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︎ Apr 09 2021
A real knee slapper
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︎ Apr 13 2021
It carried over into real life, too!
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︎ Apr 15 2021
You do realise that Vampires aren't real...
Unless you Count Dracula.
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︎ Dec 02 2020
TIL Albert Einstein was a real person
I always thought he was only a theoretical physicist...
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︎ Mar 13 2021
Real conversation with my 4-yr-old
My wife and I had just finished watching the Chipmunks movie with our 4-year-old son. This conversation soon followed:
Son: Is Feeadore real?
Wife: No, he's not real, sweetheart.
Son: Are there real chickmunks?
Wife: Yes, there are.
Son: Have you ever seen chickmunks?
Wife: I sure have.
Me: They're usually called nuns, though.
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︎ Apr 23 2021
How can dogs tell a real bone from a fake one?
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︎ Apr 29 2021
The real benefit to cheesemaking isnβt the cheese itself
Itβs the friends you make along the whey.
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︎ Mar 29 2021
Is this the real life?
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︎ Feb 06 2021
I went out with a girl the other night, she wore this real slinky dress...
She looked great going down the stairs.
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︎ Mar 22 2021
Bullets are real odd
They only do their job once theyβre fired
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︎ Feb 24 2021
A real life dad joke.
My wife was dishing out food. She put some salad on a plate and handed it to my daughter.
Then my wife looked at me and said, "Cesar Salad?"
I immediately grabbed my daughter's plate and pulled it out of her hands. My daughter got confused (maybe wondering if she did something wrong?). My wife asks me, "What the hell are you doing???"
I responded, "Sorry. Could have sworn you just said seize her salad."
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︎ Feb 09 2021
Hollywood isn't real.
They're all just paid actors.
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︎ Apr 03 2021
The irony is real.
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︎ Jan 03 2021
Swedish inventors have created cyborgs which are hard to distinguish from real humans.
Critics are concerned about the use of artificial Swedeners.
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︎ Mar 24 2021
The best bakers use real butter so . . . .
there is no margarine for error.
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︎ Mar 20 2021
Are zombies real?
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︎ Mar 17 2021
What does a real estate agent from the Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the sea shore.
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︎ Mar 12 2021
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︎ Jan 17 2021
This is real lee getting out of hand
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︎ Jun 27 2020
My real estate agent lied.. he said my house had 1000 carpet area
I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there ..
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︎ Jan 17 2021
A real conversation I had last night
Her: βIs it difficult for you to talk about this stuff?β (My erectile dysfunction)
Me: βYβknow, normally yeah it is, but with you itβs nothing hard at all...β
Edit: I made this joke completely by accident and then immediately started laughing like a maniac.
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︎ Jan 31 2021
Real nun chucks.
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︎ Jan 19 2021
Never bet on real estate.
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︎ Feb 23 2021
I got my dog neutered, and heβs real mad at me but...
He didnβt have the balls to fight me
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︎ Mar 09 2021
I pine fir the good oak days, when it was poplar to spruce up the living room with a real tree.
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︎ Dec 24 2020
You're a real foot
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︎ Jan 14 2021
I just found out that Aaargghhh is not a real word.
I canβt tell you how angry I am at this.
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︎ Nov 18 2020
A guyβs Mom comes to visit him at his job at the aquarium where she finds him feeding a baby dolphin. She says look at you, you were smart. You could have had a real job, really done some good for the world. Her son snapped back,...
Hey, my job serves a youthful porpoise!
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︎ Feb 13 2021
I have no real opinion on frogs or toads.
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︎ Jan 25 2021
What did the Kansas City Chiefs quarterback say when he saw his real estate properties go up in flames?
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︎ Feb 07 2021
He was sentenced to drinking spruce tea or leaving for 6 months because he was teaching the youth how to be passive-aggressive. His disciple Playdoh wrote half a screenplay about him before giving up and finding a real job.
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︎ Dec 28 2020
I'm a real big fan of cars. I guess you could say I am..
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︎ Jan 03 2021
I just learned Albert Einstein was a real person.
All this time i thought he was a theoretical physicist.
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︎ Feb 11 2021
Today I learned that Albert Einstein was a real person
I had always thought he was only a theoretical physicist
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︎ Mar 11 2021
TIL Albert Einstein was a real person
I thought he was a theoretical physicist.
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︎ Feb 22 2021
Today I learned that Albert Einstein was a real person.
I always thought he was a theoretical physicist.
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︎ Mar 01 2021
I just found out that Einstein was a real person...
I always thought he was a theoretical physicist.
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︎ Jan 30 2021
TIL Albert Einstein was a real person.
This whole time I thought he was just a theoretical physicist...
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︎ Jan 29 2021
TIL Albert Einstein was a real person.
I had always thought he was only a theoretical physicist.
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︎ Jan 29 2021
Today I learned that Albert Einstein was a real person...
...I had always thought he was just a theoretical physicist.
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︎ Feb 23 2021
Just found out that 'Aaarrrgggghhh' isn't a real word.
I can't tell you how angry I am.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
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