Every where I go I see a group of ravens.
Call me crazy, but I think itβs a conspiracy.
She said, "Wear your own then, dickhead."
In medieval times, people were named Lance a lot
Either way, the silver bullets worked.
They are always Stalin.
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
Why is 6 afraid of 7?...because 7-8-9.
Light blue.
Moral of the story is you canβt have your Kate and Edith too
Sometimes I just find myself settling down on the sofa, opening up Netflix and sticking on Friends
But when I do, he laughs every time.
But sum are
I chose the 3rd guy as he was the medium.
I remember it like yesterday.
Iβm not very good at small talk.
I get to the top of the mountain then itβs all down hill from there
Because it has make up exams.
His dad-a-base.
Me: "How rare?"
Doc: "You pick the name.
They said we were blowing it out of proportion.
As a number it's quite odd
He is best known for the quote:
βLook on my worms, ye Mighty, and despair!β
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
A prostitute goes to the dad, and he notices her coming his way. He quickly closes his son's eyes.
Son: Dad, what was that woman wearing?
Dad: Uhh, nothing.
I will be rolling in dough in no time.
New Roman.β
On the day my daughter was born Nurse: We're gonna have to give her a few shots in her heel. Me: Her heel?! She's not going to be able to walk for months!
it will only let me watch episodes 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13
Our ancestors called it the prime-ore-deal soup
0K
But I gotta say it gets in-tents.
The Germans could nazi each other
All of his friends called him plain stupid.
Light blue
Tomorrow they will give a special press conference
