I'll be honest, this one's quite cheesy
πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Derpy11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm quite glad I'm not an egg

I do tend to crack myself up

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Monkey_the_dragon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.

After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RickRocktopus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I had quite the contentious meeting with the local blacksmith

I had an axe to grind

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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A wheat farmer caught a thief on his property who gave him quite the headache.

β€œActually, they’re my grains” he said.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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My wife and I went to a local brewery last night. Said brewery has quite a few IPA style beers.

As we were leaving, wife says "Gee, they have a lot of feral cats." I said "Surprised they don't have a lot of feral rabbits." HUH? Because of all the hops they use!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flylink63
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I was poking fun at my friend for not being quite Asian, African, or European

Apparently he's a bit Turklish.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/riversquid
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Penny production with Abraham Lincoln’s face seems to be quite low this year.

It’s only one percent.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cabbithunt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
My dog is quite small with a real gravel tone to his bark

He’s a little Husky

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Justlikeyourmoma
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Saw this on the streets today. Thought it's quite amusing.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gohgetgreen
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I still remember my childhood quite fondly, when dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.

Those were the Good Years.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife said, β€œI don’t quite understand the science behind human cloning.”

Me: That makes two of us.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Quite Literally
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattloKei
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
How to politely tell your Greek friend Robert to be quite.

Sush-Ka-bob.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KiddSwill
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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The chances of seeing two together is quite remote.
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HypnotizeD_X
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Me: "The cemetery looks quite empty."

My dad: "People must be dying to get in."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cthulhouette
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.

The fifth one was dead sirius.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm quite happy how this play played.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/regular-visitor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
world's in quite a pickle already
πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peaceful_sinner
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang,

But eventually it came back to me.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cosh1990
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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I found this quite shocking.
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lococlyde
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Just got my new keyboard. Looks like the keys are taking things quite literally.
πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dpk38
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Bullets are quite weird...

They only do their jobs after they are fired

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer and I don't think I'm quite fit enough for the job.

Therefore I've handed in my 'Too Weak Notice'

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife bought all these dog toys, but Scooter here isn’t quite sure what he’s supposed to do.
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OverSpeedClutch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
At the grocery store the other day, the bagger asked the woman in front of me, "Paper or plastic?" She responded, "It makes no difference to me. You choose." The bagger explained that he isn't allowed to, and that she had to choose. This upset her quite a bit, which was confusing to me.

I thought it was common knowledge that baggers can't be choosers.

πŸ‘︎ 624
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πŸ‘€︎ u/massivevivid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
🚨︎ report
There's quite a crowd at the lego store

They are lined up for blocks.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thephantomnose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Getting quite tired of my friends calling me a pathological liar

Being the head of the NSA during the week and captaining the International Space Station on the weekends can be very exhausting

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xtilexx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Quite proud of this
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/charliehobin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Quite a plane conversation
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShadowEggZ
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goongoof
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Blanch: "Why did pickling upset you so badly? Is everything ok?" Me: "The whole experience was quite jarring...."

Blanch: "I get it. That can leave you in a bad headspace but, I'm an open kettle - you can tell me anything."

Me: "I just need to vent, Blanch."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pj566
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I am quite happy with my manhood.

It goes along well with my mancoat.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2shoesnotfellows
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bee that never quite made it in the hive?

A wanna-bee!

πŸ‘︎ 127
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Made me quite salty
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Attila-Titi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I've got a puppy that's quite smart, but won't stop chewing on everything

So I named him gnaw-it-all

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I was at the supermarket and I picked up these little odd shaped onions. When I got home my wife asked should she use them for dinner tonight, I told her "Yes, but they're quite strong so...

...don't use shallot."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/__itsyaboi__
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
That's quite tacktful
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zj_y33t
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I proclaimed to my wife that the world does not revolve around our little girl. Perturbed, she shot back, "Why on Earth would you ever say that!?" I explained, "Well, it's really quite simple you see, she's our daughter..."

"...not our Sun."

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Novelty exit signs are quite a rage in my town these days.

But I think they are on the way out.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Not quite a dad joke, but worth a share.

When I was 15 I asked my dad if I was a mistake. Without skipping a step he responded: "Not until after you were born."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wspoons5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Quite literally, indeed!
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elarandra
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Quite a low bar indeed....
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Genny_Flo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I remember my childhood quite fondly, when Dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.

Those were the Good Years.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.

But the fifth oneβ€” dead Sirius.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report

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