I'll be honest, this one's quite cheesy
I'm quite glad I'm not an egg
I do tend to crack myself up
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
I had quite the contentious meeting with the local blacksmith
A wheat farmer caught a thief on his property who gave him quite the headache.
“Actually, they’re my grains” he said.
My wife and I went to a local brewery last night. Said brewery has quite a few IPA style beers.
As we were leaving, wife says "Gee, they have a lot of feral cats."
I said "Surprised they don't have a lot of feral rabbits."
HUH?
Because of all the hops they use!
I was poking fun at my friend for not being quite Asian, African, or European
Apparently he's a bit Turklish.
Penny production with Abraham Lincoln’s face seems to be quite low this year.
My dog is quite small with a real gravel tone to his bark
Saw this on the streets today. Thought it's quite amusing.
I still remember my childhood quite fondly, when dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.
Those were the Good Years.
My wife said, “I don’t quite understand the science behind human cloning.”
Me: That makes two of us.
How to politely tell your Greek friend Robert to be quite.
The chances of seeing two together is quite remote.
Me: "The cemetery looks quite empty."
My dad: "People must be dying to get in."
I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.
The fifth one was dead sirius.
I'm quite happy how this play played.
world's in quite a pickle already
I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang,
But eventually it came back to me.
I found this quite shocking.
Just got my new keyboard. Looks like the keys are taking things quite literally.
Bullets are quite weird...
They only do their jobs after they are fired
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer and I don't think I'm quite fit enough for the job.
Therefore I've handed in my 'Too Weak Notice'
My wife bought all these dog toys, but Scooter here isn’t quite sure what he’s supposed to do.
At the grocery store the other day, the bagger asked the woman in front of me, "Paper or plastic?" She responded, "It makes no difference to me. You choose." The bagger explained that he isn't allowed to, and that she had to choose. This upset her quite a bit, which was confusing to me.
I thought it was common knowledge that baggers can't be choosers.
There's quite a crowd at the lego store
They are lined up for blocks.
Getting quite tired of my friends calling me a pathological liar
Being the head of the NSA during the week and captaining the International Space Station on the weekends can be very exhausting
Quite a plane conversation
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Blanch: "Why did pickling upset you so badly? Is everything ok?" Me: "The whole experience was quite jarring...."
Blanch: "I get it. That can leave you in a bad headspace but, I'm an open kettle - you can tell me anything."
Me: "I just need to vent, Blanch."
I am quite happy with my manhood.
It goes along well with my mancoat.
What do you call a bee that never quite made it in the hive?
I've got a puppy that's quite smart, but won't stop chewing on everything
So I named him gnaw-it-all
I was at the supermarket and I picked up these little odd shaped onions. When I got home my wife asked should she use them for dinner tonight, I told her "Yes, but they're quite strong so...
I proclaimed to my wife that the world does not revolve around our little girl. Perturbed, she shot back, "Why on Earth would you ever say that!?" I explained, "Well, it's really quite simple you see, she's our daughter..."
Novelty exit signs are quite a rage in my town these days.
But I think they are on the way out.
Not quite a dad joke, but worth a share.
When I was 15 I asked my dad if I was a mistake. Without skipping a step he responded: "Not until after you were born."
Quite a low bar indeed....
I remember my childhood quite fondly, when Dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.
Those were the Good Years.
I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.
But the fifth one— dead Sirius.
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