Took my iguana Ralph to the vets, he's very lethagic and hardly gets up anymore.
Apparently he has a reptile dysfunction.
A botanist tells a joke to another botanist that he finds particularly funny. The first botanist is laughing so hard he can hardly muster a sentence, but manages to say...
That joke was so funny I nearly wet my plants!
Why do hens and roosters hardly ever fly?
85 y/o married couple next door can hardly walk. I sometimes see them creeping around the bushes between the houses.
They're a pair of old, worn out sneakers.
Hardly anyone caught wind of this
I can hardly believe New Coke is coming back.
But stranger things have happened.
I hardly see my transgender friend anymore since he's had a kid. He's trans-parent.
So a friend that hardly ever wears jeans came to school wearing jeans...
When he first saw me he said "Look I'm wearing jeans today" and to that I said "You don't wear jeans you're born with them!"
I was so happy
Choking on food and hardly able to breathe, I scream, "Someone, call me a doctor!"
Dad replies from the other room, "Are you sure son?!"
I say, "Yes, I'm choking!"
Dad: "If you say so. You're a doctor!"
I could hardly carry my salad plate the other day.
It was very cucumbersome.
Easter? I hardly know her!
The article has some solid, hard puns.
Hard to keep Track of stuff
Boss can’t see her employee’s hard work
Everyone tried so hard to figure out why Mr. Edwards changed his name to Mr. Evans
But after all these years, it's still a Mr. E
Why did the butterfly have such a hard time with his marriage?
He didn’t get along with his moth-er-in-law.
Anyone else notice that when you REALLY need an eye doctor they are hard to see?
Why would T. Rex have a hard time playing the piano?
Why do Americans think cow tipping is hard.
It is difficult to calculate 20% in Imperial System
>!This is a play on the word "tipping", which means....(A)Pushing a cow over.............(B)Tipping a generous amount of 20% after dinner!<
Why is it hard for short people to succeed ?
Because they can’t reach their goals.
My 9 year old told me this: What happens if you party to hard on May the Fourth?
>! Revenge of the Fifth!<
Why is it so hard to play cards in the jungle?
Two larger women walked into a bar and requested drinks in a hard UK accent.
The bartender asked are you ladies from Ireland?
The girls smiled and said Wales.
The bartender replied are you two whales from Ireland?
Why’s it so hard to understand a person that’s jobless
Because they make no cents
Starting a toddler footwear business is hard
But I guess small baby steps will make me successful
It's hard being a therapist at a leper colony
Your patients can't seem to hold themselves together for that long to make any progress.
Whenever a book publisher refuses to accept my hand-delivered unsolicited autobiography, I usually just squeeze it as hard as I can with my thighs...
so that it's easier to walk away with my tale between my legs.
I'm working hard on something now so I can peacefully do nothing in retirement...
So I'm givin it all for nothing
Where do astronauts go to unwind after a hard day's work?
This wasn’t even a hard one. Not to stroke my own ego or anything.
It’s really hard for me to say what my wife does for a living.
She sells sea shells on the sea shore.
You'd be hard-pressed to find good cider in this town.
Every night, I always have a hard time thinking.
But then it dawned on me.
I've worked really hard and only achieved becoming a taxi driver.
I can't believe that's all I have to chauffeur it.
What do you call an alligator who can't get hard?
why is life hard for the kittens who make the most adorable noises
they are subject to constant purr-so-cuteion
When you get an f on something you worked hard on
You know it’s an f for eFfort
Why it’s hard to teach Aussie’s how to play chess?
Because they think every check is check mate
Being a parent is hard - my son won't ever let me have a good night's sleep; so when my wife came home the other day and asked why I was so red...
I told her I was just completely sunburnt
Werewolves are notoriously hard to find....
.....otherwise, they'd be known as Therewolves.
“Rigor mortis” should be renamed “die hard”
One look at medusa can get one rock hard
My dad has been going through a lot of hard ships lately…
He dismantles them for a living.
Swedish inventors have created cyborgs which are hard to distinguish from real humans.
Critics are concerned about the use of artificial Swedeners.
Ngl, it’s kinda hard sometimes to have a penis
I can't stop thinking about Bruce willis movies. I guess old habits
When I was a single man, I had tons of free time.
Now that I started listening to full albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
I've had a hard time figuring out why I don't consider cottage cheese truly "cheese"
But it's just a curd to me
Why did the snail work so hard?
Because he had to support a whole household all by himself.
Considering how hard they worked to teach us stop, drop, and roll...
I really expected to be set on fire more as an adult.
I asked the baker if it was hard cutting the cake into equal slices
He said, "It's a piece of cake!"
My wife is pissed at me. I made hard boiled eggs for breakfast this morning and let our 2 year old help peel them and he made a mess
I have been walking on eggshells ever since.
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