My son has recently taken up an interest in music. We're constantly going back and forth trying to stump the other with trivia. He thought he had me when he chorused, "Hey, dad, what genre are national anthems?!" I laughed, "That's easy!"
My wife said she's leaving me because I spend to much time trying to get reddit points for dad jokes.
My girlfriend from college was obsessed with trying to find the largest known prime number.
I wonder what she’s up to now.
LPT: If you are trying to stay in a hotel that’s completely booked, just tell the receptionist that your name is “improvement”.
Because there’s always room for improvement.
I'm trying to get better at making jokes from blending words together, but all my attempts turn out bad
Despite all my effort, I can't produce more than a poormansteau at best
After years of trying, a woman tells her husband she is pregnant.
The man, tearing up, takes his wife's hand and says, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm going to be a dad."
How many boats are trying to get through the Suez Canal now that it's unblocked?
I got tired trying to think of a good posting title for this one.
if someone drinks the same tea every day with no interest in trying any new blends
I'm sick and tired of people coming into my house, trying to sell me books, and then just marching out and leaving the door wide open.
Were these people born in a Barnes and Noble or something?
I can’t take my dog to the park as all the ducks keep trying to bite him...
My fault for getting one that’s pure bread.
Trying to figure out which picture is better of my son.
I have one without a filter and one with a filter https://imgur.com/BCc6kx4.jpg
I was trying come up with a series of jokes about Legos
But I never managed to put a set together.
I was trying to give away a bunch of those little bugs that make honey.
But nobody wanted my freebies.
Not trying to brag, but....
Cashiers are always checking me out
Did you hear that Elon Musk is trying to add Anti-German features to the new Tesla?
He is trying to add Hans free steering.
After hours of trying, I finally got the lid off a can
Going into the bathroom in the middle of the night trying not to wake up anybody is like a psychiatrist.
I was trying to learn how to snap my fingers...
I caught a man trying to break into my house last night. He was wearing football pads, swimming trunks, ice skates and holding a baseball bat.
I said, “Oi, what’s your game?”
My wife was trying decide between sweep rowing [4 or 8 rowers, one oar each] and sculling [one rower, two oars].
I told her she had to choose one oar the other.
I’m trying to create a suspenseful astrology joke.
I keep trying to look at my child Adam,
But I keep getting the son in my eyes.
What do you call a drunk person staggering along a street on their way home trying not to step on the cracks in the pavement?
I toiled for hours trying to come up with a good joke about airplanes.
In the end, I felt like the punchline would just go over everybody's head.
A fat man came into the store trying to decide if he wanted a hammock. He laid down in the display model and I tried pushing him so he could feel what it was like to gently rock. I wasn't strong enough. He left without purchasing it.
Today I saw a prison guard berating a dwarf inmate who was trying to escape by climbing down a drainpipe.
I thought it was a little condescending.
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
I'm trying to thing of a dad. joke about getting my first job
All this stress lately has me trying new things. For example, I've discovered that brake fluid is actually delicious. I'm up to a case a day, but there's no need to worry about me.
All week I’ve been trying to think of unemployment jokes....
I'm trying to make herb roasted chicken for dinner and just ran out of one of the ingredients...
I don't have thyme for this
I'm trying to start up my own business, recycling discarded chewing gum.
Just need help getting it off the ground.
My girlfriend wanted to know what I look like with my glasses on but i told her I’ve been trying to find them for three days, she said “please I need to see”
I said yeah me too that’s why I’m looking for my glasses
Trying to play the new official Rick Astley boardgame.
But the instructions just say ‘You know the rules, and so do I”
I am trying to convince my dad to get a new hearing aid.
But he just won’t listen.
A salesperson came to my door yesterday trying to sell me a coffin.
I told him, "That's the last thing I need".
My cat fell off the kitchen counter trying to push the food bowl...
I guess there is a mis-cat-culation
The car salesman wouldn’t stop trying to upsell me to the leather seats
I pulled a muscle while trying to come up with some synonyms.
Which spice will get a mother busted for trying to buy booze underage?
Wife: I’m trying to cut a piece of wood, but it won’t stay in place.
Husband: I recommend that you use this clamp with my company’s logo on it.
Wife: I don’t need your advise!
After trying for a week, the wife just told me, she's pregnant.
She has the worst stutter ever.
My friends keep trying to convince me to let a 2,000 elephant sit on me.
I am trying to convince my dad to get a new hearing aid.
But he just won’t listen.
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