My friend was trying to feed her baby but he was having none of it. I said "Try the Airplane."
She said, "Airplane? What is it?"
"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."
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︎ Jun 08 2021
(Warning: Morbid dad joke) True Story -- My family were planning my mum's funeral. We always try to keep things light and try to stay positive, just as Mum would have it...
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit--
I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit--
Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
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︎ May 12 2021
If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed.
That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
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︎ Jan 28 2021
If youβre being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.
They're trained for that!
(Mj)
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︎ Jun 08 2021
Guy tries to board a plane with a dead racoon. The flight attendant says, "sir, you're going to have to check that"
"Don't worry," he replies, "It's carrion."
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︎ Mar 30 2021
I was going through the checkout when my card didn't work. The cashier said that I should try the card again.
I looked down at my shirt and said, "but I like my polo".
I had to explain it, but once she got it she thought it was hilarious. I'm very proud of this joke.
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︎ Apr 15 2021
If your ever in a sword fight, try to chop their feet off
Then you will de-feet him
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︎ Apr 08 2021
I try to learn from my mistakes,
but it's hard when they can't even wipe their own bum.
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︎ Jun 03 2021
David Schwimmer of Friends once had an opportunity to try out for the Olympics but decided against it.
He didnβt want to be an Olympic Schwimmer.
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︎ May 30 2021
LPT: If you see someone about to be attacked by a duck, donβt try to warn them.
It only makes things worse.
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︎ May 19 2021
My buddy came up to me, asking to try out his new custard recipe...
and asked if I'd like to try it.
"Sure I would!" I replied, and enthusiastically took a bite.
Well he was immediately horrified when he looked at my reaction and asked me "Oh my gosh, is it that horrible?"
"No," I answered. "It's just a little off pudding."
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︎ May 29 2021
My dad always said, β Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.β
βShe knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.β
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︎ Mar 26 2021
When you try your best but you don't succeed
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︎ Apr 27 2021
I tried to convince my wife to try this new Indian restaurant by telling her about the free appetizer.
She told me that was a naan starter.
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︎ May 28 2021
I'm here all week! Try the veal!
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︎ Mar 08 2021
If a cat tries to jump too far, they tend to pay a price.
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︎ May 15 2021
I want to try one of those mushrooms they found on Mars.
I bet they're out of this world.
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︎ May 07 2021
I really want to try Kool-Aid, but...
I canβt figure out how to get 2 quarts of water in that tiny little envelope.
π︎ 4
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︎ Apr 26 2021
My mom tries to wake me up in the morning with coffee, but honestly...
π︎ 7
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︎ May 01 2021
What happens when you try to kick a volcano?
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︎ Mar 24 2021
My friend told me he's going to try to get a large group of wolves to separate from each other.
There's a lot to unpack there.
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︎ Apr 03 2021
Don't ever try to explain drones to the elderly
It just goes right over their heads
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︎ Apr 12 2021
I've offered my elderly neighbour $20 to try out her stair lift.
I think she's going to take me up on it.
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︎ Jan 28 2021
What do you call it when an old Australian person tries to contact you but you have to return the call?
π︎ 7
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︎ Mar 27 2021
Donβt ever go to the local mountains and try to rent skis.
You can only get snowbored.
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︎ Apr 02 2021
Don't try to eat the chickens in Minecraft.
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︎ Sep 25 2020
The produce person at my grocery store said I should try this vegetable, βItβs out of this world ... radical!β he exclaimed.
In truth, it was just rad-ish.
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︎ Mar 21 2021
I try to make sure I have the noisiest rifle when I go hunting.
It ensures I get a good bang for my Buck.
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︎ Feb 23 2021
Chemist 1 : Hey, try this new soda I like so much.
Chemist 1 : Hey, try this new soda I like so much.
Chemist 2 : takes litmus paper and dips it into the glass
Chemist 1 : You donβt trust me?
Chemist 2 : It was just a lye detector test.
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︎ Mar 09 2021
My wife suggested we should try some role reversal in bed....
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︎ Mar 10 2021
Saw nice guy try to help a girl with her spreadsheet
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︎ Feb 12 2021
I gave a bored king a comedian to try to entertain him
He appreciated the jester
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︎ Mar 06 2021
Don't ever try eating a clock if you're in a hurry
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︎ Jan 14 2021
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
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︎ Jan 12 2021
Do you feel that r/puns should have a feature where someone posts an image and everyone tries to makes puns about it(the image) in the comment section?
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︎ Dec 06 2020
I fall sick every time I try to journal
I must be allergic to diary
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︎ Feb 28 2021
We need to uninstall 2020 and then try reinstalling it
The current version has a nasty virus
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︎ Mar 23 2020
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
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︎ Feb 05 2021
Let me try uncle gravity next
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︎ Oct 28 2020
My wife said she wanted to try and get rid of her love handles...
I said she'll look stupid without any ears π
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︎ Feb 08 2021
In college, we had a buddy who always gave us suggestions as to what booze or drugs to try.
He was the original trip advisor.
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︎ Jan 16 2021
My local clothing store has an area set aside to try on clothes that is perfectly placed in the store...
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︎ Feb 06 2021
Don't even try it.
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︎ Nov 30 2020
Been meaning stop here for breakfast...everyone says I have to try their gloryholes.
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︎ Oct 09 2020
If I were you, I wouldnβt try the sushi
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 04 2021
My wife suggested we should try some role reversal in bed....
π︎ 5
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︎ Feb 12 2021
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
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︎ Dec 19 2020
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