My friend was trying to feed her baby but he was having none of it. I said "Try the Airplane."

She said, "Airplane? What is it?"

"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BellaLugosisChips
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2021
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(Warning: Morbid dad joke) True Story -- My family were planning my mum's funeral. We always try to keep things light and try to stay positive, just as Mum would have it...

The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.

Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.

The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:

"What's sarong with that?"

I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).

His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.

--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)

--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zipflop
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
🚨︎ report
If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed.

That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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If you’re being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.

They're trained for that!

(Mj)

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExtraSure
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2021
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Guy tries to board a plane with a dead racoon. The flight attendant says, "sir, you're going to have to check that"

"Don't worry," he replies, "It's carrion."

πŸ‘︎ 694
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jsradford
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I was going through the checkout when my card didn't work. The cashier said that I should try the card again.

I looked down at my shirt and said, "but I like my polo".

I had to explain it, but once she got it she thought it was hilarious. I'm very proud of this joke.

πŸ‘︎ 152
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaGeek247
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
If your ever in a sword fight, try to chop their feet off

Then you will de-feet him

πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OJAMZ23
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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I try to learn from my mistakes,

but it's hard when they can't even wipe their own bum.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greedydita
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2021
🚨︎ report
David Schwimmer of Friends once had an opportunity to try out for the Olympics but decided against it.

He didn’t want to be an Olympic Schwimmer.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keyrover
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
🚨︎ report
LPT: If you see someone about to be attacked by a duck, don’t try to warn them.

It only makes things worse.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
🚨︎ report
My buddy came up to me, asking to try out his new custard recipe...

and asked if I'd like to try it.

"Sure I would!" I replied, and enthusiastically took a bite.

Well he was immediately horrified when he looked at my reaction and asked me "Oh my gosh, is it that horrible?"

"No," I answered. "It's just a little off pudding."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Undope
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2021
🚨︎ report
My dad always said, β€œ Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”

β€œShe knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”

πŸ‘︎ 234
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OMMOPOWER
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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When you try your best but you don't succeed
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/catchingfire3HG
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I tried to convince my wife to try this new Indian restaurant by telling her about the free appetizer.

She told me that was a naan starter.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimgolgari
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm here all week! Try the veal!
πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hot_controller
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
If a cat tries to jump too far, they tend to pay a price.

It's the fee line.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealZy
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I want to try one of those mushrooms they found on Mars.

I bet they're out of this world.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaycidy
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I really want to try Kool-Aid, but...

I can’t figure out how to get 2 quarts of water in that tiny little envelope.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
My mom tries to wake me up in the morning with coffee, but honestly...

I prefer pop

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/supercman99
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when you try to kick a volcano?

You Krakatoa!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend told me he's going to try to get a large group of wolves to separate from each other.

There's a lot to unpack there.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Don't ever try to explain drones to the elderly

It just goes right over their heads

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/st_jimmy_02
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I've offered my elderly neighbour $20 to try out her stair lift.

I think she's going to take me up on it.

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when an old Australian person tries to contact you but you have to return the call?

Boomer rang

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mournclaww
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Don’t ever go to the local mountains and try to rent skis.

You can only get snowbored.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/7reddituser
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Don't try to eat the chickens in Minecraft.

They're too gamey.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YDAQ
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
The produce person at my grocery store said I should try this vegetable, β€œIt’s out of this world ... radical!” he exclaimed.

In truth, it was just rad-ish.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WCBrann
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I try to make sure I have the noisiest rifle when I go hunting.

It ensures I get a good bang for my Buck.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaosDragoon89
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Chemist 1 : Hey, try this new soda I like so much.

Chemist 1 : Hey, try this new soda I like so much.

Chemist 2 : takes litmus paper and dips it into the glass

Chemist 1 : You don’t trust me?

Chemist 2 : It was just a lye detector test.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lonevolffe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife suggested we should try some role reversal in bed....

So, I had a headache

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Saw nice guy try to help a girl with her spreadsheet

Such an incel

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snuzet
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I gave a bored king a comedian to try to entertain him

He appreciated the jester

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Don't ever try eating a clock if you're in a hurry

It's time consuming

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?

Because he had a ton of sick beets.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Do you feel that r/puns should have a feature where someone posts an image and everyone tries to makes puns about it(the image) in the comment section?
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stormbreaker636
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I fall sick every time I try to journal

I must be allergic to diary

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/otherbanana1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
We need to uninstall 2020 and then try reinstalling it

The current version has a nasty virus

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zachmann99
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?

Because X marks the spot

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Let me try uncle gravity next
πŸ‘︎ 89
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said she wanted to try and get rid of her love handles...

I said she'll look stupid without any ears πŸ‘‚

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
In college, we had a buddy who always gave us suggestions as to what booze or drugs to try.

He was the original trip advisor.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
My local clothing store has an area set aside to try on clothes that is perfectly placed in the store...

It's a fitting room.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Don't even try it.
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shakezilla
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Been meaning stop here for breakfast...everyone says I have to try their gloryholes.
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bozo_dubbed_over
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
If I were you, I wouldn’t try the sushi

It’s a little fishy

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife suggested we should try some role reversal in bed....

So, I had the headache.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?

Because he had a ton of sick beets.

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report

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