If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed.
That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
I've offered my elderly neighbour $20 to try out her stair lift.
I think she's going to take me up on it.
Just saw that joke about eating a clock for the umpteenth time. Finally decided to try eating a clock myself, but now I'm freaking out.
I think I picked up a nervous tic.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Don't ever try eating a clock if you're in a hurry
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
My local clothing store has an area set aside to try on clothes that is perfectly placed in the store...
In college, we had a buddy who always gave us suggestions as to what booze or drugs to try.
He was the original trip advisor.
Don't try to eat the chickens in Minecraft.
Do you feel that r/puns should have a feature where someone posts an image and everyone tries to makes puns about it(the image) in the comment section?
A man tries to teach his son the cons of alcohol.
he gets two worms, puts one in vodka, and one in water. The worm in vodka dies in 20 minutes, while the worm in water survives 3 whole days. the man asks his son, "what did you learn today?" and the son responds "never bathe in alcohol"
If I were you, I wouldn’t try the sushi
Fancy stores are now adding bleach packets to their clothing that explodes if you try to steal them
Police say it’s a great a crime detergent
I woodn’t try it if I were you...
Let me try uncle gravity next
You really should try archery while blindfolded.
You don't know what you're missing.
I asked you to pretreat those pants, you better not try to make the puppy do it..
or else I'ma start singing "WHO LENT THE DOG ZOUT"
(Alright I think these are out of my system... no promises)
What do you call an alligator that always tries to stir up trouble
My friend always told me to try different types of tea instead of drinking only Earl Grey.
I try to say "mucho" when I'm around my Hispanic friends.
A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.
“You can't cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!”
The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
Been meaning stop here for breakfast...everyone says I have to try their gloryholes.
Soccer coach to newbie: "Basically, you kick this ball down the field and try to get it into that big net at the end."
"That's the goal at least."
Don't try to high five an executioner....
They'll leave you hanging.
American Airlines Magazine Cover: Unsung Heroes - Sandwiches you’ve never heard of but need to try
At Thanksgiving this year I’m going to try to not show my disdain for my Vegan relatives.
They hate it when you have a beef with them. And last year they seemed offended when I gave them the bird.
We need to uninstall 2020 and then try reinstalling it
The current version has a nasty virus
I went to try my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
I asked my wife suggestions for an exercise routine, and she said, “Why don’t you try lunges?”
I said, “That...sounds like a big step.”
There's a department of the United Nations which tries to improve the quality of food in restaurants.
My brother wants to try skydiving so I warned him that...
It has so many downfalls.
I thought I'd try my hand at snail racing.
My thinking was that if I take their shells off, that they'd be lighter and quicker.
All it did was make them a bit sluggish.
I try to use the word mucho as much as I can around my Spanish-speaking friends.
I try and keep track of how much toffee I consume.
I try to tell everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes....
It's all about raisin awareness
A friend of mine was in the band mood but I had a list of 10 puns to try to cheer him up.
What do you get when a russian black-magician tries to cook canadian food?
You get a ras***poutine***
Just had a dealer try to sell me a piece of stone he said was from Ireland and kissed by St Patrick. When I looked underneath it said 'Made in China.'
There’s a new drug going around that is nicknamed “angle”. My friends want to try it with me, but I took a D.A.R.E. course and don’t want to do drugs, so my friends make fun of me.
I guess I’m just too square to try angle.
So I try to eat healthy
But every time I try, a chocolate bar looks at me and snickers
Why do astronomers always try to lose?
They’re only interested in the constellation prize.
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all. Just water it with Kettle One and wok away without really frying. Hopefully it’ll produce a nice stock.
After the Sex change operation, The Juggler is too scared to try juggling again.
It seems he doesn’t have the balls to do it again.
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
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