An authoritative write winged government.
Unfortunately, she blew it...
Mostly golf strokes, swimming strokes, tennis strokes etc.
I've gotta say, it really was quite cumbersome.
When I dropped it, i thought i was in quite a pickle.
But then someone said "it's no big dill".
"This concludes my probaballistic report."
Same middle name.
Today I jumped at the fog, but I mist
Like a Sophia has higher chance of getting pregnant in comparison of an Andrew.
Shocking isn't it.
From best to toilet paper.
BUT I blew it
It's still up in the air.
But she blew it
But unfortunately, I blew it
T T T T T T T T
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push." he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not! It's three in the morning and it's pouring out!"
"Well, you have a short memory." says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes." comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here, on the swing."
Dad: I don't know really, they just look kind of shady to me.
...it's curtain death for you.
I was always taught, growing up, that it was impolite to stair.
this joke is so bad that it deserves an f
I think his ascot ripped off.
"Long time, no pee."
I was petrified.
I’d say, 50 50.
Me: how was class?
Her: alright we talked about soil. The entire lecture was on soil. How it is made, what contributes to good soil quality. And we learned the twelve categories of soil. Couldn't have been more boring.
Me: boring? Sounds pretty down to earth to me.
Her: haha that's was ridiculous
Me: what, should of I went with a dirtier joke?
There are numerous probabilibees.
I guess you could say that....he is behind the Times.
He blew it.
on any unexpected car ride
Me: "Dad, where are we going?"
Dad: "Crazy. Want to come along?" looks over and laughs manically.
Dad: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
Dad: (relentless attempts to evoke wrong answers from audience)
Dad: No eye-deer??? (:D)
I never found it funny, but now that he's not around to tell it I kinda chuckle.
"I can't," the lawyer said. "I'd be dis Bard."
They didn't want to be involved in any "whisky business"
After all, everyone deserves a re-buttle.
So I work asphalt maintenance (crackseal). Saturday I had a special note on the contract that said "Only do Major Cracks". Working at a Browning facility it made me think military. So at the end of the day I called up my boss and I just couldn't hold it back anymore. "Sorry, I didn't see Major Cracks, but There was a Colonel Mustard and a Captain Crunch, but I didn't do them as was requested".
Beware of shopping in Israel. It Israeli expensive.
That way if anyone ever talks about it, it will sound like they are starting a fight.
I had a quintessential moment that I never thought would come...
My family and I were at church, and my son comes over and pokes at me to get my attention. I lean in close, and he says "I'm hungry."
My response? "Hello Hungry. I'm Dad, how are you?"
Needless to say, there were some folks who were unimpressed with us trying to stifle our laughter...or my pride that he thought it was funny. Got to start 'em young!
Me: "I think I'm going to wear my electric-blue tie for the rehearsal dinner." Grandpa: "Where the hell are you gonna plug it in all night?"
He Responds, "Two Chances," I look expectantly. 'Slim and None."
If you fellow dadjokers haven't seen this, it's basically a movie full of dadjokes. :)
"We're all here to help you...now it's time to let us." (while he points to a leaf of lettuce)
I suggest watching it immediately. :)
So my mom is known for being a hard ass when it comes to grades, but this morning she tells us that in 5th grade she actually had straight C's on a report card. As she was describing how much she hates the school work back then, I couldn't help but stop her and say "so was it just too elementary for you?"
Dad: What do you want for dinner?
Me: Can you make me some hot dogs?
Dad: POOF! you're some hot dogs.
Dad: "Hey, do you guys want to stop at Mcdonalds?"
My brother and me: "Yes!!!"
Drives past McDonalds
Dad: "Well we aren't actually going to, I was just wondering if you wanted to."
Two doctors were having a conversation about recent news topics. Doctor"So what do you think about this whold Snowden case?" The other doctor goes to talk but I got in the middle of them and said "I don't know what you think but I think if it keeps snowing like it is we're going to be Snowden!" All I got was frowns and sighs.
Whenever we walk by a Synagogue or Jewish owned business he says "Hey are you guys circumcised?" reminding us that we have to be in order to enter
Unfortunately, she blew it!
Unfortunately she blew it
Unfortunately, she blew it!