My dad has Andrew Luck as his Fantasy Football Quaterback
It's been 14 weeks of luck puns, typically along the lines of "I can't lose. I've got Luck on my side." Or "Guess my team is just Luck-ier than yours."
He laughs every time.
A man is out ice fishing, but not having any luck. But he sees a guy across the lake pulling out fish after fish.
So the man goes over and says “I’ve been watching you catch so many fish today, but I’m getting nothing. What’s your secret?”
The other man says “Mffffmmm mmmm mfffmmmm mmmmm”
The first man says “What?”
The other man spits something into his hand and says “I said, you gotta keep your worms warm!”
Why do you get 7 years of bad luck when you break a mirror?
So it gives you enough time to reflect on your mistake.
How do you call a lady with bad luck?
My wife asked, "What's wrong honey?" I sighed, "I’m just not having much luck with jobs lately."
"I couldn’t concentrate in the orange juice factory, wasn’t suited to be a tailor, the muffler factory was just exhausting, couldn’t cut it as barber, didn’t have the patience to be a doctor, didn’t fit in the shoe factory, pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn’t see any future as a historian!"
Luck rituals in the Australian Open.
I was golfing in the Australian Open for the first time. I noticed all the pros were putting various condiments on their clubs. Salt on a putter, brown sauce on a driver, ketchup on a 9-iron.
I my caddy why they were doing it, and he explained that an Australian thing for good luck.
Now, by that time I had already shot straight into a sand trap so I said to him: "Too bad I didn't know about it. I really could use some of that luck right about now."
He just smiled...
...and gave me a vegemite sand-wedge.
Guess he’ll B♭out of luck come band class
What did the KKK member bring to the pot luck?
I would say may luck be with you today but
Why is it good luck to say 'break a leg' to an actor?
Because every play needs a cast
This probably has been posted here already. Trying my luck
Wish me luck. Tomorrow I start my internship at an electric company.
You know why theater people say "break a leg" instead of good luck?
Because if you do, you'll end up in a cast!
I haven't had much luck dating recently so I decided to start a new hobby; painting money I get from the bank.
If your here for pee jokes, urine luck
What's the opposite of luck?
After a world-renowned athlete lost an important match, his wife suggested that in the future he wear a pair of her panties in his shoes for good luck to boost his confidence.
He’s been undie-feeted ever since.
Heard about this guy, he has the worst luck.
He stole a biology textbook, and got like a million life sentences!
Good luck cancelling your HBO subscription
I can not believe mu luck
We were driving across state over the holidays and my 4 year old tells us she has to pee. We just happened to be almost to an exit with several gas stations to take her. I proudly proclaimed ‘Urine luck! There are plenty of places to go at this exit!’ Sadly, I only got an eye roll from my wife.
My Life has been nothing but a disappointment. The Last 5 Years looked promising, but no such luck. After trying My Best, I've decided if One More Thing upsets me again, I'm calling it Quits.
Hmm, maybe I should start giving my race horses normal names.
My wife said making a quilt together will bring us good luck
I said it's gonna take some super stitchin'.
I read about one famous detective. Man was always catching criminals by simple luck. Either he would just luckily stumble across damning evidence or luckily catch the criminal in the act.
I think his name was Sheer luck Holmes
What do you call consistent bad luck on the highway?
Wish me luck in the London Marathon today. I managed a respectable, 3 hours, 12 minutes, last year...
This year, I will try to beat that but, I usually get bored and end up turning over to watch something else...
Was at the zoo in Dublin Ireland today. Was very early and there was a group trying to spot the Snow Leopards in their enclosure without any luck. After a few minutes of looking I quipped Snow Leopards.... sNO leopards... well I laughed....
If you subscribed to this subreddit for pee puns, urine luck my friend
An ice fisherman wasn't having any luck.
Seeing a small boy nearby with several fish, he asked the boy's secret.
"Rrrp rr rrrr rrrm," the boy said.
"What?"
The boy spat into his hand. "Keep your worms warm!"
Fish never have any luck in court
At the beach, I told my GF I woke up early in hopes of seeing dolphins off the coast, with no luck.
"Well babe, I guess I woke up early for no porpoise."
She normally loves puns but all this got me was a eye-roll and a groan.
Why is the good luck of the rabbits foot legendary?
Its found on the end of their leg.
My best friend is growing a beard and isn't having the best luck
Me: You know what's similar between you and an old Native American man?
My friend: What?
Me: Apache beard.
Being a dad now, I decided to practice my dad jokes in comic form. Got no love from /r/comics so I thought I'd try my luck.
I'm not here to make you laugh. I'm here to make you groan.
I can't believe my luck.
My wife and I just had our first born daughter today. The amount of material that just fell in my lap...
What did Pestilence bring to the pot luck?
"Good luck with your doctor appointment" I said
The girlfriend tells me "I'm just going to fill out some papers so they'll accept me as a patient."
"We'll don't be in a hurry to get the papers" I said "They won't take you if you're not patient"
Andrew Luck "Feels Deflated" Being out of the Playoffs
This guy. We may have the NFL's Dad Joke MVP.
Anyone had any luck fighting fire with fire?
I just haven't had the stomach to try using Dad's own jokes against him and I'm not sure I could even pull it off even though I have 2 kids.
Any great success stories would really help get my confidence up.
If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck.
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