My 6 year old just told me this joke... What's stronger than a fortune cookie?
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
Did you hear about the guy who made a fortune investing in apple?
Turns out he was in cider trading
π︎ 57
π
︎ Mar 27 2021
What do you call having your fortune told to you by a Gypsie?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 25 2021
I just saw an announcement on TV. Seems thereβs a fortune teller that happens to be a dwarf, wanted by the FBI
To sum it up, thereβs a small medium at large.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Apr 04 2021
How did Landon Calrissian win the Millennium Falcon while playing Wheel of Fortune?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 20 2021
The one time I took a librarian on a date, she cost me a bloody fortune.
My own fault though, I kept her out too long.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
I made a FORTUNE in the stock market.
I walked in and stole some guy's Rolex.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
What do you call a fortune telling midget who just escaped from prison?
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
A midget who was a fortune teller robbed a bank
The call went out that a small medium was at large
π︎ 29
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
I met a bipolar fortune teller yesterday...
She says she either feels very manic, or quite depressed - never a happy medium.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
When my uncle worked at the iron mill he made a fortune sneaking out material that he could sell. One can say he was very good at steeling.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
Never name your daughter Fortune
Because she'll grow to be MissFortune.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 26 2020
My daughter opening her fortune cookie:
βHey, thereβs no fortune in hereβ
Me: βthatβs unfortunateβ
My fortune cookie: βyour sense of humor will get you through difficult timesβ.
π︎ 30
π
︎ Sep 30 2020
I wanted to see a fortune teller but my wife didnβt want to because theyβre always so depressed. So we compromised and found...
π︎ 13
π
︎ Sep 27 2020
What do you call a fortune teller that provides his services for free?
π︎ 48
π
︎ Jun 22 2020
Fortune tellers only come in one size
π︎ 29
π
︎ Aug 14 2020
The business man opened a shadow puppet theater that should make a fortune!
But thatβs just projected figures.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 14 2020
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller that broke out of jail?
Police are saying there is a small medium at large
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 14 2020
I went to a fortune tellers conference. They had free t-shirts.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Aug 14 2020
I made matching t-shirts for the members of my fortune tellers club...
But it turned out not all of them were mediums
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 14 2020
My fortune cookie did good
π︎ 107
π
︎ Dec 10 2019
My dad was bragging about his new hearing aid. βState of the Art,β he said, βIt cost me a fortune.β
I said, βAwesome. What type is it?β
He said, β Two thirty.β
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Oct 12 2018
Damn, now he won't find out his fortune.
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Aug 21 2018
I went to get my fortune told. I walked into the lobby and asked the receptionist if there was a fee.
She just shook her head and said "This is a non-prophet organization."
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 18 2020
Two fortune tellers meet on the street.
One says to the other, βYouβre fine, how am I?β
π︎ 21
π
︎ May 23 2020
How does French Super Mario tell his fortune?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 11 2020
If someone makes their fortune in ships, we call them a shipping magnate. If someone makes their fortune in oil, we call them an oil magnate. What do you call someone who makes their fortune...
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 02 2020
I decided to make a fortune with a new invention, a pen vending machine!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 12 2020
This punny fortune from a fortune cookie.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jun 10 2018
What do you called a vegetable-based fortune telling card?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 24 2020
A man walked into a fortune teller's shop
He asks to have his future read and the fortune teller happily does so. After gazing into her crystal ball she starts to laugh uncontrollably.
The man hits her immediately to which the teller asks:
Why did you do that???????
The man replies,
I've never struck a happy medium before
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 29 2020
This punny fortune from a fortune cookie.
π︎ 436
π
︎ Nov 22 2018
Did you hear about the fraudulent, short in stature fortune teller who escaped from jail?
The newspaper headline read βSmall Medium at Largeβ.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 28 2020
Back in 1993, I inherited a small fortune from my grandfather.
It said "A window of opportunity won't open by itself." The lucky numbers were 2, 4, 11, 12, 35, and 39.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Oct 23 2017
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldnβt foresee the C4.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Feb 24 2020
I received a fortune cookie with no fortune inside.
Without hesitation my wife said, "that's unfortunate"
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 01 2019
What do you call a fortune teller who only sees the worst in things?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 13 2020
Which dinosaur was widely regarded as the best fortune teller?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 26 2019
Fortune teller: Someone near you is going to be dissapointed soon.
Dad: That'd be you; I've come out without my wallet.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 26 2020
Nowadays when people want their fortunes told,
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jan 18 2020
A murderous fortune telling dwarf...
is technically a small medium at large.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 21 2021
I met a bipolar fortune teller yesterday...
She says she either feels very manic, or quite depressed - never a happy medium.
(According to my facebook memories, I made this one up 7 years ago!)
π︎ 20
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
I once took a librarian on a date, she cost me a fortune.
My own fault though, I kept her out too long.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Oct 15 2020
What do you call a fortune telling dwarf who escapes from prison?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jul 31 2020
What do you call a short fortune teller whoβs on the run?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 23 2020
What do you call a short fortune teller that just broke out of prison?
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 04 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
