My 6 year old just told me this joke... What's stronger than a fortune cookie?

A hammer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jeenyus47
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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The one time I took a librarian on a date, she cost me a bloody fortune.

My own fault though, I kept her out too long.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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What do you call a fortune telling midget who just escaped from prison?

a small medium at large.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/firriki
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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A midget who was a fortune teller robbed a bank

The call went out that a small medium was at large

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EndymionMM
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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I met a bipolar fortune teller yesterday...

She says she either feels very manic, or quite depressed - never a happy medium.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaron2571
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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When my uncle worked at the iron mill he made a fortune sneaking out material that he could sell. One can say he was very good at steeling.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rattatamj
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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Never name your daughter Fortune

Because she'll grow to be MissFortune.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/duckyduck750
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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My daughter opening her fortune cookie:

β€œHey, there’s no fortune in here” Me: β€œthat’s unfortunate”

My fortune cookie: β€œyour sense of humor will get you through difficult times”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spartan-Swill
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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I wanted to see a fortune teller but my wife didn’t want to because they’re always so depressed. So we compromised and found...

A happy medium

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GDGameplayer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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The business man opened a shadow puppet theater that should make a fortune!

But that’s just projected figures.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/banditk77
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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What do you call a fortune teller that provides his services for free?

A not-for-prophet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesabermaniac
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
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Fortune tellers only come in one size

Mediums

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sq009
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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I went to a fortune tellers conference. They had free t-shirts.

They were all mediums.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CyberOgre
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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Did you hear about the midget fortune teller that broke out of jail?

Police are saying there is a small medium at large

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rosiekaykay
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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I made matching t-shirts for the members of my fortune tellers club...

But it turned out not all of them were mediums

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πŸ‘€︎ u/S0n0fRuss
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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I went to get my fortune told. I walked into the lobby and asked the receptionist if there was a fee.

She just shook her head and said "This is a non-prophet organization."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlextheInhuman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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How does French Super Mario tell his fortune?

L’ouija board.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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Two fortune tellers meet on the street.

One says to the other, β€œYou’re fine, how am I?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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My fortune cookie did good
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Magnitite
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
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If someone makes their fortune in ships, we call them a shipping magnate. If someone makes their fortune in oil, we call them an oil magnate. What do you call someone who makes their fortune...

...selling fridges?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
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I decided to make a fortune with a new invention, a pen vending machine!

The patent is "pending"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Howardyoudoing95
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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My dad was bragging about his new hearing aid. β€œState of the Art,” he said, β€œIt cost me a fortune.”

I said, β€œAwesome. What type is it?”

He said, β€œ Two thirty.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
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Damn, now he won't find out his fortune.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mtchllyng
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
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What do you called a vegetable-based fortune telling card?

A carrot card

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blaitmun
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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A man walked into a fortune teller's shop

He asks to have his future read and the fortune teller happily does so. After gazing into her crystal ball she starts to laugh uncontrollably. The man hits her immediately to which the teller asks: Why did you do that??????? The man replies, I've never struck a happy medium before

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oleolesp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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Did you hear about the fraudulent, short in stature fortune teller who escaped from jail?

The newspaper headline read β€˜Small Medium at Large’.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb

Couldn’t foresee the C4.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kwonza
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
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This punny fortune from a fortune cookie.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MonkeysLikeApples
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
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What do you call a fortune teller who only sees the worst in things?

A pessi-mystic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigpapasatan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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I received a fortune cookie with no fortune inside.

Without hesitation my wife said, "that's unfortunate"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PieNapps
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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This punny fortune from a fortune cookie.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MonkeysLikeApples
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
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Fortune teller: Someone near you is going to be dissapointed soon.

Dad: That'd be you; I've come out without my wallet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChronosGrundy03
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
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Nowadays when people want their fortunes told,

They go to the bank.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctrGarlick7248
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
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Which dinosaur was widely regarded as the best fortune teller?

The tarotdactyl

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πŸ‘€︎ u/budcuddly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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Back in 1993, I inherited a small fortune from my grandfather.

It said "A window of opportunity won't open by itself." The lucky numbers were 2, 4, 11, 12, 35, and 39.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FunnyID
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2017
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Will the new decade bring fortune or disaster? No one knows yet.

Hindsight will be 2020.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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Why do all fortune tellers have good eyes

Because they all have 20/20 vision

(Last time I can ever use that joke)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajpj27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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Do you know how to make a small fortune in the record industry?

Start with a large fortune.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unsaneasylum
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
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Fortune tellers are easy to buy clothes for.

They’re all mediums.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
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The only reason Walter White was so successful is because fortune favors the bald.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frantic_chair
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
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I met a bipolar fortune teller yesterday...

She says she either feels very manic, or quite depressed - never a happy medium.

(According to my facebook memories, I made this one up 7 years ago!)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaron2571
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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I once took a librarian on a date, she cost me a fortune.

My own fault though, I kept her out too long.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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What do you call a fortune telling dwarf who escapes from prison?

A small medium at large!

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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What do you call a short fortune teller who’s on the run?

A small medium at large.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/millenialmami
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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What do you call a short fortune teller that just broke out of prison?

A small medium at large.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NaNullman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
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I didn't have a fortune in my cookie today....

How unfortunate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ddrake01
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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