My 6 year old just told me this joke... What's stronger than a fortune cookie?
The one time I took a librarian on a date, she cost me a bloody fortune.
My own fault though, I kept her out too long.
What do you call a fortune telling midget who just escaped from prison?
A midget who was a fortune teller robbed a bank
The call went out that a small medium was at large
I met a bipolar fortune teller yesterday...
She says she either feels very manic, or quite depressed - never a happy medium.
When my uncle worked at the iron mill he made a fortune sneaking out material that he could sell. One can say he was very good at steeling.
Never name your daughter Fortune
Because she'll grow to be MissFortune.
My daughter opening her fortune cookie:
“Hey, there’s no fortune in here”
Me: “that’s unfortunate”
My fortune cookie: “your sense of humor will get you through difficult times”.
I wanted to see a fortune teller but my wife didn’t want to because they’re always so depressed. So we compromised and found...
The business man opened a shadow puppet theater that should make a fortune!
But that’s just projected figures.
What do you call a fortune teller that provides his services for free?
Fortune tellers only come in one size
I went to a fortune tellers conference. They had free t-shirts.
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller that broke out of jail?
Police are saying there is a small medium at large
I made matching t-shirts for the members of my fortune tellers club...
But it turned out not all of them were mediums
I went to get my fortune told. I walked into the lobby and asked the receptionist if there was a fee.
She just shook her head and said "This is a non-prophet organization."
How does French Super Mario tell his fortune?
Two fortune tellers meet on the street.
One says to the other, “You’re fine, how am I?”
My fortune cookie did good
If someone makes their fortune in ships, we call them a shipping magnate. If someone makes their fortune in oil, we call them an oil magnate. What do you call someone who makes their fortune...
I decided to make a fortune with a new invention, a pen vending machine!
My dad was bragging about his new hearing aid. “State of the Art,” he said, “It cost me a fortune.”
I said, “Awesome. What type is it?”
He said, “ Two thirty.”
Damn, now he won't find out his fortune.
What do you called a vegetable-based fortune telling card?
A man walked into a fortune teller's shop
He asks to have his future read and the fortune teller happily does so. After gazing into her crystal ball she starts to laugh uncontrollably.
The man hits her immediately to which the teller asks:
Why did you do that???????
The man replies,
I've never struck a happy medium before
Did you hear about the fraudulent, short in stature fortune teller who escaped from jail?
The newspaper headline read ‘Small Medium at Large’.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
This punny fortune from a fortune cookie.
What do you call a fortune teller who only sees the worst in things?
I received a fortune cookie with no fortune inside.
Without hesitation my wife said, "that's unfortunate"
This punny fortune from a fortune cookie.
Fortune teller: Someone near you is going to be dissapointed soon.
Dad: That'd be you; I've come out without my wallet.
Nowadays when people want their fortunes told,
Which dinosaur was widely regarded as the best fortune teller?
Back in 1993, I inherited a small fortune from my grandfather.
It said "A window of opportunity won't open by itself." The lucky numbers were 2, 4, 11, 12, 35, and 39.
Will the new decade bring fortune or disaster? No one knows yet.
Why do all fortune tellers have good eyes
Because they all have 20/20 vision
(Last time I can ever use that joke)
Do you know how to make a small fortune in the record industry?
Start with a large fortune.
Fortune tellers are easy to buy clothes for.
The only reason Walter White was so successful is because fortune favors the bald.
I met a bipolar fortune teller yesterday...
She says she either feels very manic, or quite depressed - never a happy medium.
(According to my facebook memories, I made this one up 7 years ago!)
I once took a librarian on a date, she cost me a fortune.
My own fault though, I kept her out too long.
What do you call a fortune telling dwarf who escapes from prison?
What do you call a short fortune teller who’s on the run?
What do you call a short fortune teller that just broke out of prison?
I didn't have a fortune in my cookie today....
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