It's been 14 weeks of luck puns, typically along the lines of "I can't lose. I've got Luck on my side." Or "Guess my team is just Luck-ier than yours."
He laughs every time.
Misfor- tune
They took one of their prized possessions—The Star of The Empire, one of the worlds largest diamonds—to a famous yet discreet pawn shop outside of Las Vegas to ask for a loan.
The pawnbroker said "So I talked to my buddy who is an expert in diamonds to get his opinion. I can give you $200,000 for it."
Prince Harry said "You must be joking, I had this appraised at nearly 2 million pounds! Don't you know who I am, I'm a prince! My mother is Queen of The United Kingdom, Elizabeth II!!"
The pawnbroker said "$200k, take it or leave it. When you wish to pawn a star, makes no difference who you are..."
People don't general lee find them funny
Yeah, apparently it was the first ever serf face to heir missile.
So the man goes over and says “I’ve been watching you catch so many fish today, but I’m getting nothing. What’s your secret?”
The other man says “Mffffmmm mmmm mfffmmmm mmmmm”
The first man says “What?”
The other man spits something into his hand and says “I said, you gotta keep your worms warm!”
So it gives you enough time to reflect on your mistake.
"I couldn’t concentrate in the orange juice factory, wasn’t suited to be a tailor, the muffler factory was just exhausting, couldn’t cut it as barber, didn’t have the patience to be a doctor, didn’t fit in the shoe factory, pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn’t see any future as a historian!"
Miss Fortune
I was golfing in the Australian Open for the first time. I noticed all the pros were putting various condiments on their clubs. Salt on a putter, brown sauce on a driver, ketchup on a 9-iron.
I my caddy why they were doing it, and he explained that an Australian thing for good luck.
Now, by that time I had already shot straight into a sand trap so I said to him: "Too bad I didn't know about it. I really could use some of that luck right about now."
He just smiled...
...and gave me a vegemite sand-wedge.
Hot cross buns.
Because every play needs a cast
it's still April
She said: “break an egg”.
It’s my induction day.
Because if you do, you'll end up in a cast!
I'm going to dye a loan.
He stole a biology textbook, and got like a million life sentences!
He’s been undie-feeted ever since.
Hmm, maybe I should start giving my race horses normal names.
I think his name was Sheer luck Holmes
Car-ma
I said it's gonna take some super stitchin'.
This year, I will try to beat that but, I usually get bored and end up turning over to watch something else...
Seeing a small boy nearby with several fish, he asked the boy's secret.
"Rrrp rr rrrr rrrm," the boy said.
"What?"
The boy spat into his hand. "Keep your worms warm!"
"Well babe, I guess I woke up early for no porpoise."
She normally loves puns but all this got me was a eye-roll and a groan.
They’re always gill-ty.
Me: You know what's similar between you and an old Native American man?
My friend: What?
Me: Apache beard.
I'm not here to make you laugh. I'm here to make you groan.
My wife and I just had our first born daughter today. The amount of material that just fell in my lap...
Ebola fruit.
The girlfriend tells me "I'm just going to fill out some papers so they'll accept me as a patient."
"We'll don't be in a hurry to get the papers" I said "They won't take you if you're not patient"
This guy. We may have the NFL's Dad Joke MVP.
