A son enthusiastically asks his father will he teach him how to gamble on the black market

The Father responds with: β€œYou bet your ass!”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Geb69
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 10 2021
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What is the name of a casino that even kids can gamble in?

GameStop.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/believeingodalone
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 28 2021
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Gardening may be a gamble...

But I feel like a winner. Weed em and reap!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lfantine
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 15 2021
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I asked my farmer friend, β€œCan you explain how I can gamble using farm animals?”

He said, β€œYou bet your ass.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 01 2020
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Why couldn’t Adam and Eve gamble in the garden of Eden?

Because God took away their paradise.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kerfandrosSr
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 16 2020
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Why don’t you gamble the ABC’s?....

Because it’s the Alphabet.

It’s my first one please don’t hate if this isn’t original.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AirmanProbie
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 14 2020
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My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...

We called her Auntie Up.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 09 2019
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I never gamble against cattle farmers

They're too good at raising steaks

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dadlifememes
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10 2020
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Why can't you gamble in Africa?

Because there are too many Cheetahs!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thatsnktwhatshesaid
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 30 2019
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Why aren't cows allowed to gamble?

Because they always put too much at steak.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 41
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/The_Unforseen_Punz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 20 2016
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Where Sean Connery goes to gamble.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 24 2018
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Tyrion Lannister tends to gamble his meat and mead while sitting on tall stool...

That way the steaks are higher.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HanSoloCenturyFalkon
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 29 2016
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My uncles wife likes to gamble

We call her Aunty Up

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/snuzet
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10 2018
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Why did the cow on the cloud not gamble?

Because the steaks are too high

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/th3doorMATT
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 25 2018
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I lost my wife due to my gambling addiction.

I'm going to try and win her back.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 244
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 25 2021
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My ex had gambling and anger issues...

When I broke up with her things got a little dicey.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AbeMax7823
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 25 2021
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Two gambling cows ate some weed.

The steaks were high.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 104
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/daddyflextape
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 23 2020
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Gambling where the wager is a pepperoni slice

Playing with a pizza chit

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ad-free-user-special
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 17 2020
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Why don’t vampires play poker?

They are afraid of the stakes

πŸ‘οΈŽ 427
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kilographix
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 02 2021
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Why should you keep at least a buck in your back pocket when you go gambling?

So you can bet your bottom dollar

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 28 2020
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My girlfriend left me because of my gambling addiction. She claimed I was an idiot.

She's no better.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 18 2020
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What do you call a herd of cows gambling at a marijuana dispensary?

High Steaks

πŸ‘οΈŽ 68
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Matttized
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 21 2020
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The World's Shortest Fairy Tale

Once Upon A Time....

A guy asked a girl to marry him.

She said, "No"

And the guy lived happily ever after, fishing, hunting, riding motorcycles, skiing, gambling, had loads of money in the bank, played a lot of golf, and left the seat up.

THE END.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BillyBob_TX
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 21 2021
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I took a class about origami and gambling

They told me β€œyou gotta know how to hold em, and how to fold em.”

πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Dad out.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 174
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 04 2020
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What do you call the toilet of a king with a gambling addiction?

Royal flush!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 28
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MrBirb_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 17 2020
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I sold all my body parts to feed my gambling addiction.

Maybe I should quit while I’m a head.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 07 2020
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I'm heartbroken. The Wife broke up with me because of my chronic gambling issues.

.. Desperate to win her back.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 25 2020
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If there's no gambling in heaven...

... why do they call it para-dice?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 20 2020
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I was playing a poker game and gambled with marijuana-infused beef

it was high steaks but i think it was worth it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/unioter1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 13 2020
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Where can you look up the definitions of drug abuse, alcoholism, and problem gambling?

Addictionary!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KillerFlea
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 08 2019
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I'm gonna bet you 50 bucks that I am no longer addicted to gambling
πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/longnamewithnospaces
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 01 2019
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A new resort

I am thinking of establishing a holiday resort with gambling facilities.

It’ll be called Pair-A-Dice

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GSL76
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 01 2021
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a casino was offering free mexican food for all who lost more than $50 in gambling

this is because its clearly nacho lucky day if you lost that much

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/magna-terra
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 12 2018
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Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better

if every fifth caller was a winner

πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Paladium9999
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 13 2019
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I was talking to my gambling friend. I told him that I went to the races with my wife.

"Did you win?" he asked.

"Of course not," I replied. "We didn't even run."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 09 2019
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My kids wanted me to play monster

So I told them I gambled away their college fund and slept with their aunt

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 31 2021
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My gambling addicted brother has been missing for a while. Last we saw him he lost his life savings in a game of poker.

I wish he called

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fat-bandit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 20 2019
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I tried opening a casino even though gambling was outlawed

-And?

-No dice.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MrSilbarita
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
"I wish you would stop gambling!" I shouted at my son.

"You're no better yourself!" he snapped.

I said, "Exactly. That's why I don't encourage it."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 12 2019
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When did Adam & Eve discover God didn't like gambling?

When he took away their pair a dice.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GregoryTheBlack
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 06 2018
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Did you hear about the buddhist monk with a huge gambling problem?

He likes Tibet

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DitMasterGoGo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 24 2017
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I asked my friend. "How is your gambling addiction recovery going?"

He said, "I could be bettor."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 12 2017
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What do you call it when a teacher watches his class as they take a test and plays online poker at the same time?

Proctor & Gamble

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/weird_al_yankee
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 08 2020
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Why shouldn't you gamble with a cattle farmer?

They are always raising the steaks!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/arcadianchef
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 19 2019
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Why is it dangerous to gamble with a cattle rancher?

Because they're always raising the steaks.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 110
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kaidevis
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 07 2016
🚨︎ report
I bet you that I can quit my gambling addiction!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 42
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ExpertAccident
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 02 2019
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What do you call a gambling cow on weed?

High steaks

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ryzikx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 02 2017
🚨︎ report

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