If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed.

That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
🚨︎ report
Guy tries to board a plane with a dead racoon. The flight attendant says, "sir, you're going to have to check that"

"Don't worry," he replies, "It's carrion."

πŸ‘︎ 696
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jsradford
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30
🚨︎ report
I was going through the checkout when my card didn't work. The cashier said that I should try the card again.

I looked down at my shirt and said, "but I like my polo".

I had to explain it, but once she got it she thought it was hilarious. I'm very proud of this joke.

πŸ‘︎ 148
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaGeek247
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
If your ever in a sword fight, try to chop their feet off

Then you will de-feet him

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OJAMZ23
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
When you try your best but you don't succeed
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/catchingfire3HG
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
My dad always said, β€œ Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”

β€œShe knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”

πŸ‘︎ 233
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OMMOPOWER
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
I'm here all week! Try the veal!
πŸ‘︎ 85
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hot_controller
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
I really want to try Kool-Aid, but...

I can’t figure out how to get 2 quarts of water in that tiny little envelope.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
My mom tries to wake me up in the morning with coffee, but honestly...

I prefer pop

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/supercman99
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
What happens when you try to kick a volcano?

You Krakatoa!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
Don't ever try to explain drones to the elderly

It just goes right over their heads

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/st_jimmy_02
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
My friend told me he's going to try to get a large group of wolves to separate from each other.

There's a lot to unpack there.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
I've offered my elderly neighbour $20 to try out her stair lift.

I think she's going to take me up on it.

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when an old Australian person tries to contact you but you have to return the call?

Boomer rang

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mournclaww
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
🚨︎ report
Don’t ever go to the local mountains and try to rent skis.

You can only get snowbored.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/7reddituser
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
🚨︎ report
The produce person at my grocery store said I should try this vegetable, β€œIt’s out of this world ... radical!” he exclaimed.

In truth, it was just rad-ish.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WCBrann
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
🚨︎ report
Chemist 1 : Hey, try this new soda I like so much.

Chemist 1 : Hey, try this new soda I like so much.

Chemist 2 : takes litmus paper and dips it into the glass

Chemist 1 : You don’t trust me?

Chemist 2 : It was just a lye detector test.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lonevolffe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09
🚨︎ report
I try to make sure I have the noisiest rifle when I go hunting.

It ensures I get a good bang for my Buck.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaosDragoon89
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
My wife suggested we should try some role reversal in bed....

So, I had a headache

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
🚨︎ report
Saw nice guy try to help a girl with her spreadsheet

Such an incel

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snuzet
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
Don't try to eat the chickens in Minecraft.

They're too gamey.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YDAQ
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I gave a bored king a comedian to try to entertain him

He appreciated the jester

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
Don't ever try eating a clock if you're in a hurry

It's time consuming

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?

Because he had a ton of sick beets.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
I fall sick every time I try to journal

I must be allergic to diary

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/otherbanana1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
🚨︎ report
Do you feel that r/puns should have a feature where someone posts an image and everyone tries to makes puns about it(the image) in the comment section?
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stormbreaker636
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?

Because X marks the spot

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
My wife said she wanted to try and get rid of her love handles...

I said she'll look stupid without any ears πŸ‘‚

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08
🚨︎ report
My local clothing store has an area set aside to try on clothes that is perfectly placed in the store...

It's a fitting room.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
In college, we had a buddy who always gave us suggestions as to what booze or drugs to try.

He was the original trip advisor.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
Let me try uncle gravity next
πŸ‘︎ 89
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
We need to uninstall 2020 and then try reinstalling it

The current version has a nasty virus

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zachmann99
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
If I were you, I wouldn’t try the sushi

It’s a little fishy

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
A man tries to teach his son the cons of alcohol.

he gets two worms, puts one in vodka, and one in water. The worm in vodka dies in 20 minutes, while the worm in water survives 3 whole days. the man asks his son, "what did you learn today?" and the son responds "never bathe in alcohol"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/circuitBoard98
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report
Don't even try it.
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shakezilla
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I woodn’t try it if I were you...
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
You really should try archery while blindfolded.

You don't know what you're missing.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Fancy stores are now adding bleach packets to their clothing that explodes if you try to steal them

Police say it’s a great a crime detergent

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MLaBolle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
Been meaning stop here for breakfast...everyone says I have to try their gloryholes.
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bozo_dubbed_over
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an alligator that always tries to stir up trouble

An Instigator

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsKnotThatBad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend always told me to try different types of tea instead of drinking only Earl Grey.

He was right all oolong.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jakwag1019
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't try to high five an executioner....

They'll leave you hanging.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Demented_Sandwich
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to try my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.

Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.

πŸ‘︎ 341
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked you to pretreat those pants, you better not try to make the puppy do it..

or else I'ma start singing "WHO LENT THE DOG ZOUT"

(Alright I think these are out of my system... no promises)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
I asked my wife suggestions for an exercise routine, and she said, β€œWhy don’t you try lunges?”

I said, β€œThat...sounds like a big step.”

πŸ‘︎ 182
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I thought I'd try my hand at snail racing.

My thinking was that if I take their shells off, that they'd be lighter and quicker.

All it did was make them a bit sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 178
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CMDR-Hooker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife suggested we should try some role reversal in bed....

So, I had the headache.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?

Because he had a ton of sick beets.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report

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