My cousin tries to keep posting jokes on this sub, but gets repeatedly banned by the mods.
He’s my cousin, twice [removed].
My wife went to get a pedicure with her mother. She sent me a text saying that they have an exfoliating, foot scrub that has CBD/Hemp oil in it and she was going to try it out...I replied “baby, do you realize that you left the house with slippers on...
But you are coming back with high heels”. Her mom sent me a text asking me what I said that made my wife throw her phone in to her lap and groan aloud. Mission accomplished haha
I recently tried on some new shoes and I told the salesman they felt a bit snug. He told me to try pulling the tongue.
“OK,” I said, “buth I don’th know how thith will helpth”
I wanted to try a different method when putting sheets on my bed
But I just made it up as I went along.
Every morning on my way to work, the same bike comes and tries to run me over.
How did the Mob try to influence Marlin Brando’s character in ‘On the Waterfront’?
Apparently, 29% of pet owners let their pet sleep on the bed with them, so I gave it a try...
What do you call a small dog who tries to eavesdrop on you?
Managed to bake something on my first try.
Walking by a clothing store, my wife says, “I would like to try on the swimsuit in the front window.”
Me: I think you have to use the dressing room like everyone else.
My friend is a pretty unsuccessful farmer. But he tries a lot to promote his business on social media by providing a new profile picture every 3 months. Unfortunately the picture always seems to have his head or side chopped off a bit.
Another season, another bad crop.
Why can't you try wood on the stove?
Because it's a non stick pan
If you are on a blind date, try using one of the jokes you read on this sub as an icebreaker.
That way, you can make sure they’re not some weirdo who reads /r/dadjokes.
People don’t approve when I run up to them on the street and try making a plaster cast of their faces.
At least that’s the impression that I get.
What is it called when you make an amazing vinaigrette on your first try?
A modern man tries to take a women from the Stone Age on a date.
She wanted to go see a rock and roll concert but since he was cheap he took her for granite.
Man decides to try out a new toilet brush found on sale.
A couple days later he went back to paper.
Son: can you put my shoes on? Dad: I don’t think they’ll fit but I’ll try
When you try to pull a dad joke on your dad
.Dad to 1st brother - "Are you hungry?"
.2nd brother - "No, he's luke"
.Dad - "so where's hungry?"
.2nd brother "He's over there" points at me
.Dad - "No, it's over by Germany"
Dad, May I try on that dress in the window?
Dad: I’m sorry, honey, you’ll have to do it in the dressing room!
I don't know why the NFL tries to hold on to their macho, manly appearance.
LPT: If you can, try to mow your front lawn on really windy days.
He can try on all the glasses he wants...
I'm just not sure he can pull them off
What do you call a person who tries to get drunk on milk?
We were walking past a lingerie store, and my wife said, “I want to try on the bra in the front window.”
I said, “I think you might have to use the dressing room like everyone else.”
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